I shook my head.
“No, I can’t.”
“Why not?” He made it sound so simple, as if there was no reason why we couldn’t be together.
I found myself unable to talk to him suddenly. My throat constricted and even breathing was becoming harder.
“Natalie?”
He leaned closer, his voice soft and caring.
He smelled so good, so sophisticated, and elegant.
“No!” I pushed him away and got out of the car, running towards the house. But he came after me, caught me in his arms.
“Natalie! Natalie!”
He led me around to the ocean-facing side of the house, where the sound of the waves came crashing across the dunes.
“Don’t run away, I won’t hurt you,” he said.
“But you did before,” I said, the words tumbling out before I could even think them.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and he sounded sincere. “I didn’t know about what happened to you in college, after we broke up. Your mom told me…” his voice trailed away.
I didn’t say anything to that. There was nothing to say.
“Did you really have a breakdown in college? After our relationship ended?”
He sounded so incredulous. As if this was an interesting twist to a story he’d heard.
“I don’t want to talk about that,” I said abruptly and again turned away from him.
He caught my arm and pulled me to him.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I said some things, I don’t even remember them. It was wrong of me.”
“And what about how you’ve been acting since I came to work for you?”
“I couldn’t deal with having you there, Natalie. I was trying to push you away every way I could think of. It’s like your mom said…just another rich arsehole, I think she called me.”
I had to laugh at that. At the same time, I felt tears flowing over my cheeks. Sam pulled me to him and put his arms around me. “I couldn’t deal with how much I wanted you.”
Then he leaned down and kissed me and I felt the most wonderful warmth spreading to every part of my body. I wanted more of the heat, more of his strong arms around me, the silken feeling of his tongue tracing my lips.
“Give me a chance to make it up to you,” he whispered, his thumb stroking my cheek. It felt so good to be in his arms, to hear him apologize, after all this time. He was whispering the words in my ear, over and over again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
His mouth closed in over mine and I couldn’t resist him anymore.
I wanted him as much as he wanted me. My mind was trying to tell me things, but my body was stronger, my heart was beating so powerfully, the blood coursing through every nerve and fiber was overwhelming me.
“Wait,” I breathed, “Not here.”
I knew there were two empty rooms in the guesthouse because my mother had told me which rooms were occupied. The kitchen door was open, and we snuck inside. The lights were on and there were some guests in the kitchen, talking and preparing food. We snuck past them, and I found a dark and empty bedroom upstairs. I went in and Sam followed me. I locked the door behind us, but I didn’t switch on the light.
It was completely dark inside. I could hear Sam’s breathing and I knew what was about to happen and that I could still stop it. This was the moment to pull away and say I’d changed my mind. I could tell him to leave right now.
But I didn’t want to. I knew exactly where he was, and he knew where I was. Our bodies found one another, and it was a relief to finally touch and hold him.