My cheeks burn at the memory and how he knows I was masturbating just before he knocked on thedoor.
"Don't youdarebe embarrassed," he says, leaning over me again, staring into my eyes. "Do you have any idea how erotic that was? To find you like that, naked, wet, ready? All my plans for self-control totally laid towaste…"
I smile at him, and touch his face, push his hair back behind his ear and out of his eyes. God, he's sobeautiful…
"What plans? Tell me, oh Genghis Kahn, what your plans for total dominion over mewere?"
He cracks a grin, but then becomesserious.
"Oh, Eve…" he says and rolls onto his back, rubbing his eyes. "I fuckedup."
"You regret this?" I say, a feeling of numbness spreading through me. What – is he going to take it back now? "It's not a really good thing to tell a woman you just had sex with that you regretit."
He sits up and then removes his coat and lies on his side, leaning over me, resting on one elbow, his gaze moving over my naked body and I remember what Julien wrote about vampirestamina.
"Regret isn't the word. I'm angry with myself for being so weak. I shouldn't have come in, but I had to see you. After Helena, after meeting with Soren I felt so," he shakes his head. "Afraid for you when Soren saw you, knew you were back in play. I didn't intend to have sex with you, and certainly not like this, but you were so …" he says, and hesitates as if searching for words. "You were so there how could I not? It was like the laws of the universe would be violated if Ihadn't."
"Spacetime itself would be disrupted?" I say and smile, but I'm still not sure where this is going and whether I'm going to be sad or happy when he finally explains. "What's so terrible about whathappened?"
He rolls over on his stomach and rests on his elbows, his fingers laced together, his gold crucifix dangling. He looks over at me, and I'm just lying there, naked as the day I was born, but I don't move to cover up. He's seen right into my mind and heart. What's my nakedness incomparison?
"It shouldn't have happened until I knew if we can work. If we can form that bond. If I can claim you completely as my own. Vampires are used to controlling humans using our powers of compulsion. Adepts and their vampire partners included. You and I," he says and reaches out to touch me. "We can kill each other. We can protect each other. That's why I'm so torn. I feel guilt about it because this is going to be very dangerous, and I hate that I'm putting you in danger, but from the moment I saw you in the office that first night, I wanted you as my Adept. My," he says, "protector."
I frown. "Yourprotector?"
"You can kill vampires. Who better to protectme?"
I lie there for a moment, absorbing thisrevelation.
"I thought we'd work casestogether."
"We will. But this is a military operation, Eve, not a police action. We're preparing to fight a war. I need you to be my protector because you can kill vampires and that's who I'll befighting."
"Tell me about thewar."
He shakes his head. "I can't tell you more, Eve, or risk putting you in more danger. Please trust me onthis."
I inhale.Trust.
"So you need to know if we can form this bond of trust? How will youknow?"
"Only when you're able to be completely obedient to me. To completely trust me with your life. Not ask questions, not doubt my commands. Then, I can trust you withmylife."
Trust me with his life? That does something to me, making me swell withemotion.
"Only then would sex between us not complicate the bond. Sex too early and it's harder to establish. If we were just a normal couple, then it would be different, but we’renot."
This is life and death," he says. "In a military relationship, as your superior, I make the decisions about what we do and when and how. As my subordinate, you're responsible for carrying out my commands exactly as I specify. It's essential when we're on missions for you to obey me without hesitation, without thought. I have to know you'll do what I command at all times. There can be only oneleader."
"Why notpartners?"
"Because partners can argue over decisions, each one pushing their own agenda, and in that space of time, people will die. I've seen ithappen."
"So you want me to be yourservant?"
"Names are just words," he says. "Whether I call you my lieutenant or my servant, you are my subordinate and can't be anything else. The power I have over everything is so muchgreater."
"I don't know what I want. I don't like the idea of being anyone'sservant."