“The baby lived, Math. She was so amazing and brave. She has a baby boy. His name is Noah, and he looks so much like her. Adorable.” He bit his lip, trying not to cry about the baby and everything that had happened that day.
“Does Tess know?” Math asked eagerly.
“I think that’s what the emergency book club was about. So, Mandy could tell them all at once.”
“Did Tess know?” he asked more to himself than Hue.
“I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone knew. She got pregnant in June, so it had been a long time. She was just waiting to miscarry every day. And just getting more depressed about it every day,” Hue explained, which was why she kept getting more and more depressed. Never getting better.
“And you are not the father?” Math asked again.
Hue shook his head, even if he knew Math couldn’t see it. “No, but we are talking.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that she asked if I wanted to be the dad. Tomorrow we will talk about it again. I don’t want her to make a decision like that when her emotions are running high.”
“What happens if you are the dad, but she doesn’t want you as a man?” Math asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe by tomorrow, I will have figured that out.” He wanted the baby, and he wanted Amanda, but did he want the baby without Amanda? Did he really want to be a weekend dad when he wanted Amanda every day? So many questions raced through his mind. But no answers were there.
CHAPTER22
They didn’t talkabout it the next day. In the end, they just let it go, and the baby officially became Noah Strong. Neither said yes or no. Neither corrected it. By the time Amanda had woken up, the name was on everything, including the new bracelet on her arm that said his name alongside hers. And a matching one was put on Hue the minute he walked in the door that morning.
Hue was back at the hospital by six and had barely beaten her parents there and hadn’t beat her sister Kit, who lived in town. From there was a steady stream of family and friends who came, and by the end of the day, everyone from the book club had been there. Even his mom and sister’s family had arrived by evening. All were excited to see Hue’s son, and Hue was happy to show him off.
Nobody said anything about the fact that yesterday, most of them had been together, and they had no clue that she was even pregnant. Nobody questioned Hue being there or that his name was listed on the birth certificate. Everybody was just happy to see her tiny baby boy.
There were so many people in and out of the room, she had actually fallen asleep while talking to her sister Julia. When she had woken that time, her aunt and uncle were the only ones in the room, and they were arguing about waking her up.
All day she had tried to get a moment to speak to Hue, but it seemed like she had spoken to everyone she loved except Hue. Hue had spent most of the day in the NICU with Noah, showing people the baby. After all the visitors had finally left, she had crashed and didn’t wake until morning.
The following day was no better. Though she had been able to spend the morning with her new son, Hue had to do errands while she did. There seemed to be paperwork he needed to sign at work and so many items that had been forgotten in his initial trip back home. In the afternoon, more people came as word had gotten around town about the birth. Again, she was sleeping before she could say goodbye to him for the night.
Over the next two days, the visitors decreased, but she hadn’t been able to talk to Hue alone at all. There had always been someone around, a nurse or a friend. By the time she had been discharged, she was ready to just talk to him. But even then, she found that the few moments where they were alone, they either slept or talked about the baby. Not the future or them, but the baby.
Having worked in the NICU for years, she had never noticed how little time was left for parents to be together, alone. She was able to talk to David more than she was able to talk to Hue these days. They hadn’t really talked the month before the baby was born, and now they were still not talking much.
They were treated like a couple, and they seemed to have settled in as a couple. They didn’t actually talk about getting back together or about what had torn them apart. Neither talked about anything, just slipped into being a family without working out any of the issues. Issues that needed to be addressed.
Today was Noah’s three-week birthday. She had been a mother for three weeks. It was still hard to believe, especially since she didn’t have him with her at all times. And never alone away from others. Some days, it felt like others were raising her son instead of her.
She sat on the bed in David and Mira’s basement, the place Hue had been staying since the first night, a place she joined him when she was discharged. Since that day, they had been sharing this space, which was little more than a place to crash at the end of a long day. It was the only time they were alone. Not that it mattered; they were too exhausted by the end of each day to do much of anything, even talk. They barely said goodnight before they were sleeping, or maybe it was just her who was exhausted.
Since her body was still bigger than she had been before Noah, she was still in leggings and sweaters. She hated how big she was and saw every extra pound she carried, but there wasn’t time to do anything about it. She had more important things to do with her days. But she knew Hue was probably wondering what he had ever saw in her in the first place. She did.
Taking out her phone as she waited on Hue to get done in the shower so they could head to the hospital yet again, she answered texts from family and friends. For the past two weeks, she had been out of the hospital. She was glad they were staying with David and Mira and not at a hotel. Even if she rarely saw the couple, she felt more at home in their house than in a hotel.
The bathroom door opened, and Hue walked into the room, grabbed his socks, and sat on the opposite side of the bed. His focus was on his task when he announced, “Mandy, I’m leaving today.”
She didn’t see this coming. But looking back on everything, she probably should have. He had no claim to them. It would eventually come down to that they were not a family. That even if he had always wanted kids and a family, this was too much. It was over. Trying to sound like her life wasn’t ending, she said, “Okay.”
“Math and Tess are coming this afternoon and will bring your car.” He grabbed at his shoes, not even looking her way.
“Okay.” Unable to say anything else, she just said it again. What else was there to say anyway?
Now she had to plan the rest of her life without him. Except he would always be near, so close but so far from where she wanted him.