“Mandy, have you been putting on weight again?” Her mom was studying her from across the room.
“Mom, leave her alone,” Julia, the baby, said from by the stove.
“Yeah, Mom.” Kit’s tone was harsh as she defended her.
“Mom’s right.” Amanda looked at her tall, thin sisters and saw what her mom saw: Amanda not measuring up. “I have picked up a few pounds this year. I have to get on a good diet.”
“No, you don’t,” Julia said firmly. “Don’t let anyone tell you how you should look, Mandy.”
“Thanks, Julia,” Mandy said, trying not to cry. Her sisters were the best.
Kit put her arms around her and tried to hug her. Amanda pulled away, not wanting her to feel just how fat she had gotten, and said, “I’ll just go to the ladies room. If you’ll excuse me.”
Once in the bathroom, she put the lid down on the toilet and sat down. Knowing it was coming and having it said were two different things. The words hurt so much more than the knowledge that someone thought that way about her.
She loved her mom and would spend every moment she could with her, but her mom knew what words were spinning around in her head and said them out loud. Even when those words were true, they still hurt.
She stayed in the bathroom until the tears stopped, then she stayed just because she didn’t want to face everyone yet. Here she was sitting in a bathroom crying on her baby’s only thanksgiving. The thought brought another set of tears.
A knock came on the door. Wiping her tears, she said to whoever was on the other side of the door, “I’m in here.”
“I know. Can I come in?” Tess asked.
“It’s open.” Amanda scrubbed her face with a hand towel to try to get the look of crying off her face, but she didn’t move from her place on the toilet seat.
Tess came into the small room and sat down on the edge of the tub. “Kit told me what your mom said.”
The tears came again at the memory. “I know I’m fat. I know I’m getting fatter. I don’t need someone telling me I’m fat… reminding me.”
“You’re not fat, Mandy.” Tess took her hand that was not wiping the tears from her eyes. “You’re just built differently from your sisters.”
“I’ve always been bigger than them.”
“We all gain weight. I know I have.”
“You were pregnant.” Amanda knew how hypocritical she was. That was the reason she was gaining weight also.
Except it was completely different since Tess had a baby to show for all her weight gain. Amanda would have nothing in the end. Just extra pounds that would take a long time to shed—if she ever did.
“I know, but I gained more than I should have. I gain weight easily too.”
“No, you don’t, you barely eat.” Amanda had eaten with the woman enough to know she ate the littlest bites and always stopped eating once the first person at the table was done.
“Have I ever told you why I don’t eat much?”
“No.”
“Because when I was five, I almost died,” her friend said. Amanda hadn’t heard her talk much about her life when she was younger. “I almost died of starvation.”
“No, you didn’t,” Amanda stated, as if Tess would lie to her.
“Yes. Where we lived, it was sometimes hard to make money, and other times impossible. No money meant no food,” Tess explained from her spot on the tub.
“But that doesn’t happen anymore,” Amanda argued.
“In Russia, it does,” Tess stated firmly.
“I always forget you weren’t raised here,” Amanda whispered.