“No, he’s fine. Let’s go.”
Pulling her to the car, she ran through everything that could possibly be wrong. What had happened? Was it something with the gossip going around? Had it gotten even worse while they were gone? Because they were gone together?
Once in the car, Ruston turned to her. “Hazel, your grandfather died about an hour ago.”
All she could do was nod at him. She knew it was a matter of time. She had said her goodbyes.
“Am I supposed to cry?” she asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Do what you feel like doing,” he said.
“I knew he wasn’t getting better. And he had no will to live anymore. Not for years.” She looked out the window. “I’ve realized in the last few weeks that we were all just living in that house, but none of us were alive.”
“Do you want to be alive?” he asked.
“I don’t know how to be,” she admitted.
“Getting out of that house will help.” He pulled up to his parents’ house and went in to get John Henry, leaving Hazel in the car by herself.
She willed herself to cry over her grandfather who had just died. But she saw him as two men now: one who raised her with love and patience, and one who she moved back in with when she needed help and support and got little of either.
Back on the road, she watched the fields roll by for mile after mile. Ruston held her hand as he drove.
“Why did you clean the rooms last night?”
“I was a little drunk, and it needed to get done. I have a month before I have to move out.”
“Weren’t your friends going to help?” She hadn’t told him that, so Natalie must have. Their conversations were letting him know too much.
“I had to do it myself. I needed to.” Now that it was done, she did feel better. Though she felt that they weren’t as close as they used to be—she had put distance between herself and her siblings, distance that was needed but never wanted.
“Did you learn anything?” he asked.
“Just that there was nothing really worth saving. They weren’t in there anymore.” She looked at the ring on her finger as she spoke.
“They’re still with you, always.”
She let the words float around the car, bringing her peace. They had never been in those rooms, but now she knew they weren’t in her life either. And she wanted them in her life.
“I learned that John Henry didn’t know them. I think about them every day, but I’ve never talked to him about them. I haven’t kept their memories alive.” She felt the tears she couldn’t cry for her grandfather slip from her eyes.
CHAPTER20
Of course,the sun would shine the morning of John May’s funeral. It couldn’t rain and be gloomy—it had to be a beautiful, sunny day. Sitting in his office, he looked up at his bookshelf, at Hazel’s boots that still sat there, months later. But now he also had Hazel. In just over two weeks, she would be his.
Ruston had expected her to cancel the wedding and maybe even stop the engagement, but the book club had pushed her to just keep on track. Knowing that they were doing most of the work had put Ruston’s mind at ease that Hazel wasn’t under too much pressure.
Getting up, he wanted to go sit with Hazel in the front row and hold her hand when she cried, but he had to officiate. Knowing she would have Natalie beside her made him feel a little better.
Walking out of his office, he saw the family gathering: Hazel, John Henry, and her grandma. Natalie was talking to her dad nearby. Hazel was wearing a black dress she must have borrowed from Tess or Ruth since it was a little big on her. Now that everyone knew they were engaged, Ruston was able to go up to Hazel and pull her into his arms for a hug. “How are you?”
“Good, I think,” she said quietly into his chest.
Letting her go, he reached for her grandma’s hand, but instead of shaking it, she pulled it away and turned from him. There was one person not happy for her granddaughter, but he wasn’t going to let that bring them down.
When they entered the sanctuary, Rose told Ruston that she wanted Hazel to sing. That was all she said.
As he drew closer to the front of the church, he turned to Hazel and hugged her in front of the entire congregation without a second thought, whispering, “She wants you to sing.”