My patience and resolve waver, and for one moment, I consider giving in—giving her what she wants. I know she deserves better than me, and if I were a better man, I’d make her wait for that.
“Why me, Lola? You don’t love me, so it’s not love. Why does it have to be me?” I ask her.
She stops grinding on me for a moment and thinks. “I’ve thought a lot about it. As I’ve said before, you’re my friend, and I know you would be gentle my first time.”
I nod. “I would.”
“And at the end of the day, I want someone experienced. Your reputation as a sex god precedes you.” She chuckles. “My first time, I’d love to be with a man who knows what he’s doing.”
What the fuck?I grimace, and I grab her by the arms to pull her off of me and set her aside, then stand up. “Wait,what?” I ask her, my hands fisted at my sides.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“You want me to fuck you because you want myexperience?”
“Well, yeah,” she says like it’s not the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me.
She doesn’t wantme. She maybe doesn’t even have feelings at all for me like I’d thought. She wants my body, my experienced dick, but not me.
As much as the rejection hurts, it’s also exactly what I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised. It also strengthens my resolve.
I grab her face angrily like I did that first time I watched her touch herself, my fingers digging into her jaw, not caring enough when she winces to let go of her face.
“Get this through that pretty little head,” I growl. “I’m not going to fuck you. Ever.”
32
LOLA
“Oh,” I whisper, pulling away from his hold that is hurting my face. I try to hold the shameful tears in. “I’m sorry, Karl. That’s the last time I try to touch you. I thought maybe you wanted me to—”
“I don’t,” he snaps.
“I see that now.” My lip trembles as I try to mask the hurt. “I’m sorry I read everything wrong. It won’t happen again.”
The hard lines of his jaw are taut, and that muscle in his right cheek twitches visibly, but he just stands there, considering me for far too long. “If you don’t mind, I think I’d like to be alone now.”
Karl nods and closes the door after he leaves my room.
I hug the pillow where his head had been, sniffing it, and let my tears fall.
But I’m not crying for the news story, not anymore.
Why did he say he loves me if he doesn’t? Because he can’t love me, I’ve decided, not when he insists on pushing me away.
I’m also mortified at how many times I’ve come on to him. I thought he liked it. I thought he wanted me too—that he was considering giving in and only pushing me away because he thought I was still hung up on Ethan. But that’s not it at all. He honestly doesn’t want me.
I don’t hear a peep out of him for over an hour, and the only time I see him again is when the dog sitter brings Pixel home, and Karl cracks the door open to let her in my room.
“Hey, old lady,” I whisper as she curls by my feet. “I’ve missed you too, girl.”
* * *
“Where are you going?”I ask Karl later that morning as he waits for the elevator.
“I’m flying to New York,” he says coolly, not looking at me.
“Oh. How long will you be gone?”