“Simple… your father. Hey, I have a great idea,” mom puts her whisk down, “come with me to bunco. All the ladies would love to see you.” Mom turns and faces me, licking the batter off her thumb. Her smile turns to concern when she sees my face. “Honey, what happened? Your eyes are puffy and bloodshot.” She walks to me, “Have you been crying?”
“Ian.” I take another bite.
“Did he hurt…” I interrupt her as she sits next to me, rubbing circles on my back.
“No, nothing like that. I’m just… frustrated.” I shove the rest of the cupcake in my mouth.
“I bet. He broke your heart and now he’s back…” she has an evil smirk on her face, and I know what is about to come next. Thinking about it makes me cringe and sink into my seat. “From outer sp…”
“Mom…” I shout, narrowing my eyes, warning her, but I’m sure it will fall on deaf ears like it always does. I know what she is trying to do. She has done this my entire life. Sometimes it’s to cheer me up, other times because it fits her mood. Frankly, I’m just not in the mood to hear her speak the lyrics to any song, just because it fits the moment… like it’s some sort of profound advice.
Just as I thought, she continues her lyric speaking until she can’t contain it any longer and starts belting out at the top of her lungs her own rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s songI Will Survive. Mom loves to sing, but unfortunately for everyone around her, she can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Listening to her sing, which is basically just her shouting to a tune at this point, and watching her dance her way to the cupboard, I can’t help to have an appreciation for this woman.
I will say this: for what mom lacks in her singing abilities, she makes up for with her dancing. She pops her hips, shakes her booty, and rolls her chest. She’ll do anything to make her pups smile and laugh. Two coffee mugs in one hand, she produces a bottle of white wine from the fridge, then sashays over to the table before returning to her seat next to me. I’m seriously hoping my dad doesn’t walk through the door right now, because one of two things will happen. One, I’ll get tossed out the front door on my ass so dad can have his way with his mate, or two, they end up doing some Sonny and Cher number. Either way, it’s not good for me if he shows up right now.
I hate to admit it, but her antics are working and a smile creeps onto my face.Damn it!She pours us both a mug of wine and continues singing. If I don’t stop her, she’ll sing the entire song. When she sings the word key, I decide to throw her a bone.
“He didn’t have one to begin with. He took my spare after he broke into my apartment through my balcony door.” I shrug and unwrap the cupcake in front of me, revealing the rich, ooey, gooey pineapple and cherry layer. I take a bite and a giggle escapes my lips.Mom has succeeded.
“I hate when you do that.” I laugh.
“I know. I felt the same every time my mom did it to me.” She brings the coffee mug to her lips. “But sometimes, in order to see things clearly, you need to be in a good and calm headspace.”
“Coffee mug, mom?” I question, looking in my cup as if she poisoned it.
“The ceramic keeps the wine cooler longer. Plus, no one is the wiser to my day drinking when I’m holding a coffee mug.” She laughs and sips her wine. “What happened?”
“Nothing… everything.” I pause briefly, not wanting to verbalize the thought that’s going through my mind right this second. “Mom, I’m still in love with him. No matter how hard I’ve tried to forget him and move on… I just can’t.” I shake my head and sip my wine.
“Oh…” Mom sips her wine.
“Oh, is correct. Just when I thought I was ready to move on, he shows up, scrambling my brain and confusing my thoughts. Here’s the strange part. IthinkI can still feel the bond.” I say, looking up at her. She stares into my eyes, searching for the perfect words to say.
“How’s that possible? I thought you said you rejected him.” She puts her mug down.
“I did.” I get up and get us both a cupcake.
“Interesting. I know you don’t want to hear this,” she rubs the back of my hand, “but I think there is hope for the two of you, after all. He has changed, whether or not you want to believe that. I think he had to lose you to understand what it was like to live without you.” I look at my mom and absorb her words, “after you left for New York, we didn’t tell anyone, including your brother, where you were. We knew you both needed space… to be apart, even if that meant your dad and I couldn’t see you for a while. As expected, he came looking for you. He begged and pleaded with all of us for your whereabouts, and when that didn’t work, he threatened your father. Of course, your father didn’t take the threat lightly and the two of them got into a bloody fight right in the front yard. It was almost like Ian had lost his mind.” The thought of Ian fighting and hurting my dad infuriates me. “Beta Charles came running. He was furious… at his son’s actions. Beta Charles pulled your dad and Ian apart so he could fight Ian. He was angry at the way his son treated you. Ian was no match for his father and ended up in the hospital for a week.” The thought of Ian hurt in the hospital saddens me. My freaking emotions are all over the place. “When he was released, your dad went to have a chat with Ian. He told him if he really loved you, he’d prove it to him and the pack first. When and only when, he felt Ian could be trusted with his most precious possession…you,” mom smiles, “he would give Ian your location and his blessing.” Mom takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. “Just before your twenty-first birthday, your friend Melissa called Kelsey inviting him to your surprise party. When Kelsey told us that him and Sonia would go to New York for the occasion, your dad simply said, take Ian.” I lean back in my chair, still absorbing all my mom’s words with tears in my eyes. So much has happened since I have been gone. Ian’s own father was furious at what he did to me. My dad did see a change in him. Or is Ian the master manipulator that has fooled everyone around him?
“I told him I’d go on a picnic with him today,” I put my head down. Feeling almost ashamed for agreeing to go with him. I’ve told myself a thousand times I would never give Ian another chance… and here I am. I feel like a fraud.
“A picnic? That’s… sweet and romantic,” mom smiles and nods.
“I’m giving him one last chance.” I look up at my mom with tears in my eyes.
“Oh, honey, don’t cry. Is that whatyouwant?” She wipes my tears.
“Mom… I don’t know what I want. I just… want to be happy.” I hunch over, covering my face with my hands and sob.
“Sugar,” she pulls me into a hug, “I hate this for you. I hate that you’re having to make this decision. Sugar.” She lifts my chin and looks me in the eye, “Your dad and I will support you one hundred percent, no matter the choice you make. I love you, baby girl.” Mom’s words are laced with love, understanding, and compassion. They’re so comforting.
“I love you too, mom. Thank you.” I squeeze her neck, not wanting to let her go.
“For what, sugar?” She whispers in my ear.
“For this… for holding me… for making me laugh… for being you.” I pull back and look at her.
“Oh sugar, no need to thank me. It’s my job.” She pulls me in for another tight hug.