He scowled. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” Lean on him because he was her rock? Need her brother as much as ever, even now?
“Don’t John me.”
She laughed. “John, I can’t change the last three years. Neither can Brad. I figured out I don’t want to, either.”
Suspicion sharpened in his gaze.
“I wouldn’t have Gabriel.” Reaching for the sky, she stretched, then settled on her feet. “We’re fucked up, you and me. I’m used to life kicking me in the teeth. This is really new to me, getting what I wanted so much…and I don’t want to screw it up. I need you to be okay with it.”
The low gravelly grunt of discontent jarred loose some of her unease. “You’re fucking perfect, they should be grateful you show them the time of day. But if I gotta pick, I vote for the professor.”
“I don’t want to choose between them.” She didn’t and she wouldn’t. In some ways, she’d made her choice. Gabriel allowed Brad to be a part of them, Gabriel let him in, and she embraced the choice because Gabriel saw what she needed. If she’d had to choose…
“I suppose this means I have to keep his sorry ass alive.” John shook his head at her. “Two men?”
“I’m a demanding woman, what can I say?”
“Greedy bitch.” But he said with a hint of a smile. “Fine. I’ll keep the jackass alive. But one fucking step out of line…”
Closing the distance between them, she gave him a hug. “Yeah, yeah. They’ll never see you coming.”
“Damn straight. And cut the mushy shit.” Still, his smile didn’t diminish. “Next thing you know, you’ll be talking baby crap.”
A shudder went through her, and she punched him. “Asshole.”
“Bitch.”
All was right with her world. Well, mostly right. They still had to find out who the fuck was targeting Brad, deal with it, and then kill Red Wolf. Then she could concentrate on the happily ever after shit.
Copper sucked in a deep breath of the thin air and glanced at the icy silence around them. Mountaintops were kind of creepy when they were this still, and it made her neck itch. Merc scratched the back of his head. “Are we done with our Oprah hour, or do you need me to talk you out of this idea?”
“No, we’re good.” The bruises on her heart still stung, maybe they always would. She’d taken Brad back into her bed, thrilled to be held by him and to hold him in return. The night before with Gabriel had left her shaken to her core, open, raw, and vulnerable to both men.But I haven’t forgiven him…The realization didn’t sit easily with her soul.
“Sachi?” John’s hand closed on her shoulder, and she leaned into his grip.
“I’m okay.”A lie.But if she said it enough, she could make true. If she couldn’t forgive Brad, it wouldn’t matter how well he and Gabriel got along or how much she wanted it to work.
For once, John let her bullshit slide. “Just give me the word.”
“Let’s run.” They were miles from the lodge, and the run back would clear her head. Side-by-side, they began their descent, and the burn in her muscles took over. Copper turned the situation over in her head. Examine it from all sides, put herself in Brad’s shoes. What if she’d been the one presumed dead? What if she’d woken in the hospital with Titanium and his people?
John grunted as they continued their zig-zag downhill dash.
Would she have followed orders? Would she have let them think her gone? What if they’d locked her up?
No.They’d have had to put a bullet in her. Brad had made a tactical decision—a bad one, one Copper might never forgive.Goddammit, I want him back.Maybe Sachi could…so, the real question was, could she carve away the part of herself holding back? Or would it cut her last tie to being who she was?
Who are you? Sachi? Copper? Gabriel’s girl? Tungsten’s widow? Brad’s lover?
“Fucked up is what I am,” she declared to the cold.
“Preaching to the choir,” John replied, and she laughed. Yep, definitely preaching to the choir. “You’re running like a girl.”
“It’s the boobs,” she shouted. Inspired, she pushed herself, and he caught her easily, but she didn’t care. Running pumped adrenaline, flooded her body with endorphins, and reminded her she was still very much alive. Might take her fifty years to figure her shit out, but until then, she was all in.
They met Gabriel and Brad on their descent following their trail in the snow. They hadn’t made much effort to hide their path, but having them out looking for her filled one of the hollow places inside her. Their grim expressions relaxed as she approached, but the guarded look in their eyes set off warning bells. “You figured something out, didn’t you?”