“I don’t know how I’ll be able to carry her through this month,” I said, the revelation coming as a shock. I had to take care of her too. And now, I could barely take care of myself.
“She’s not your responsibility,” Sadie said.
“No one else will look after her.”
“It’s still not your problem.”
I nodded. Sadie was right. It just wasn’t that simple.
“Do you want coffee instead of wine?” Sadie asked.
When I nodded, Sadie turned to the Nespresso machine and turned it on. It gurgled a cup of coffee for me while I stared at the floor, trying to pull myself together again.
“I don’t like falling apart like this,” I said.
“You’re too hard on yourself.”
“I can’t come undone every time something goes wrong.”
Sadie shook her head, took the cup from the machine, and added sugar. She handed it to me.
“Coming undone is fine; not doing anything about whatever went wrong is the issue.”
I nodded. “I guess that’s true.”
“Feel what you have to feel, Em.”
I took the coffee from her when she handed it to me, and we walked through the open-plan apartment to the living room area. Sadie’s apartment was mostly open-plan, with only her bedroom and bathroom closed off. She always said it allowed her thoughts and creative ideas to flow.
“I just feel like everything is going wrong right now,” I said. “And I’m struggling with my mom. I think that’s why I’m so emotional when just the smallest thing goes wrong.”
“It’s not a small thing to lose Richmond, Em,” Sadie said sympathetically. “What are you going to do?”
“I have no idea,” I admitted. “I’m fucked.”
“What about Conrad?” Sadie asked.
I blinked at her and shook my head. “I can’t see him again.”
“Why not? It’s good money, it’s a name you can add to your portfolio, and you said it yourself you were good friends with him. Last I remembered, you were excited about working with him.”
“Yeah, well, that was ...” I hesitated. “Before I slept with him.”
Sadie’s eyes widened and she stared at me, speechless.
“What!?” she cried out, finally finding her voice.
I shook my head and blushed wildly. I sipped my coffee as if the cup could hide my embarrassment.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Sadie demanded.
“Because it was a mistake. Ahugemistake. And it doesn’t matter because it’s not happening again.”
“Why the hell not?” Sadie asked. “He’s hot!”
I giggled, my cheeks still burning.
“It shouldn’t have happened. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Wine, the mood, late at night ...” I glanced at Sadie, who looked at me with questions in her eyes. She was eager to find out everything. And there was no reason to hold anything back from her now that she knew I’d slept with Parker.