“I’m so proud of you, Kayden,” I whisper, feeling the urge to reach out and close my hand over his on the sand.
His entire body goes rigid at my touch at first, but soon relaxes as he turns my hand to entwine my fingers with his.
“Thanks,” Kayden says, staring at our locked hands. His thumb smooths over the back of mine, sending a wave of shivers down my spine. “I guess being away from you did give me a bit of insight into what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life.”
“You and me both,” I admit. “When you left, it really fucking hurt. But I do think it was necessary. It was a wake-up call for me. The things you said. . . it made me realize that I was holding onto so much anger. I was just too stubborn to admit it. I’ve been that way for a long time and I never learned how to let that bitterness go. And if you hadn’t thrown that fight with Jax, I would’ve become someone I didn’t want to be.”
Kayden’s lips curve upward at my honesty. He brings our clasped hands to his mouth and presses a light, comforting kiss on my hand.
“I think I’m in a really good place now.” I feel obligated to let him know what’s been going on since he’s missed out on so much. “Beth and I are slowly mending our relationship.
It hasn’t been easy, but we’re stronger now. And as for Jax . . . well, I guess we’re on good terms. I haven’t seen him since he went to LA to visit his dad for the summer. But from what I’ve heard, he’s turned over a new leaf. Just like you.”
“Wow.” Kayden whistles lowly. “Good for him.”
“Yeah. I’m proud of him.”
I really am. I never thought I would ever say it, but I genuinely hope Jax finds his happiness. Perhaps one day we can put what happened between us aside and start fresh again.
“I can’t believe it.” Kayden exhales. “I missed so much of this. This new part of your life.”
“It’s okay.” I comfort him. “I guess since now you’re staying, there’s plenty of time for me to catch you up. And you can tell me all about your life in Phoenix.”
“Well,” he says with a humorous edge to his voice. “You didn’t miss out on anything interesting. Just a lot of self-loathing and regret about what happened between us.” A flicker of sorrow crosses his face, wobbles in his voice. “I know me leaving was abrupt, but I do genuinely think it was good for me, mentally speaking, to not have been here.
I think it would have been unhealthy for us if we stayed together, Sienna. And I’m glad we nipped it in the bud before it could fester like that.” He lets out a shaky breath and allows his shoulders to sag. “But with that being said, I’m still really sorry. For all the pain I’ve caused you. I hope you’re able to forgive me.”
As I stare into the depths of his eyes, I feel released by Kayden and his words. I used to think that giving up was never an option for me because it entailed weakness. I was even willing to compromise everything I ever stood for to make things work. But now I realize that it’s better to know your own limits—to know exactly when to tap out. Kayden understood that. And because of him I was able to save myself too. So I can’t stay mad at him forever.
It takes a lot of willpower to forgive someone. It takes a lot of strength to let the anger go and live without it.
And I am strong. I wasn’t before, but now I am.
I pull myself to Kayden’s side and cup his face with both hands.
“I forgive you, Kayden.” I murmur. “I do. I think we both made mistakes. But I wouldn’t change a single thing about it.”
“Yeah.” He nods in agreement, covering my hands on his cheek with his own. “Me too.”
As much as I hate that Kayden left me, he had to go. He had to figure out what he wanted, whether or not he was going to continue living in the horrors of his past or if he wanted to chase a future with me. And I had to figure out how to fix my own issues by myself. I can’t hate him for leaving.
We needed to be apart in order to be together.
“I missed you,” I blurt out. “I missed you when you were gone. I tried to be tough and pretend like I didn’t need you when really I wished you were here with me.”
“Me too.” His face tilts to the side to kiss the side of my left palm. “I was worried that if I came back, I would find that your life is so much better without me. You’d be happy and you’d have an amazing boyfriend—”
“I don’t,” I say quickly. “I don’t have a boyfriend. I couldn’t be with anyone else after you.”
“Thank God. Because if you did, I would have to go tell him to fuck off.”
I reel back, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I won’t. Because you don’t have a boyfriend,” he declares.
I bite my lip, fighting a smile climbing on my face.
“How about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”