“And that means what?” Xan asks, that thousand percent focus shifts to me and I feel the little butterflies begin to grow in my belly.
“I run Wild & Free Jewelry company,” I start, ready to explain my business and why it’s famous but I’m not but Xan’s face scrunches into a confused recognition.
“That’s the mystery jewelry company on Instagram, the one where no one knows the creator.”
It’s my turn to be confused. “How do you know that?”
“Well, for one it’s famous...” he deadpans, and I swat his arm across the table. The first contact in ten years but the crack of electricity still burns bright.
“Del’s obsessed. She buys all the collector pieces. She says she’s determined to get one from every province and territory in Canada. Her cross Canada collection. Do you know there’s like a Facebook group dedicated to figuring out who you are?”
I nod, ignoring the burning in my gut at his words. I do know. There’ve been a few times I was almost discovered. And only because of copycats who came after me, viciously trolling my Instagram account.
Xan’s smile stretches until his perfect teeth are exposed and a laugh escapes.
“What?” I say with a full bite of burger in my mouth.
“I’m thinking of you as an Instagram influencer.” His laugh slants his words. “You know based on historical fact.”
“Are you making fun of me?” I point my fork at him.
“I think he is,” Millie pipes up and I give her a hard side eye.
“Thank you, Emilia Geneille Marchand,” I say and Xan’s expression goes flat so fast it gives me whiplash.
“Are you okay?” I ask and he glances at Millie a few times.
“I’m fine.” It’s short and clipped but I understand it completely. Something’s bothering him but he won’t tell me in front of her.
We eat our dinner in silence, the awkwardness I was afraid of creeping in. The only words spoken for the next fifteen minutes are me threatening Millie to eat her veggies. Xan watches us argue and thankfully for him never sticks his nose into it.
The bill comes and Xan snatches it up before I can reach it. He did this when we were teenagers. Sometimes we would get into full wrestling matches in the booth to get the bill, but Xan always won, either pinning me, tickling me, or kissing me. All of which were distracting enough for him to easily snatch the paper from my hands.
I never laughed as hard as I did around him. I never felt anything as intensely as I did around him. Apparently, that’s still true.
He pays the bill and then we’re standing outside in the cool spring air. I stand back, trying my best to let them figure this out on their own. To set their own boundaries and expectations.
“It was great to meet you, Millie.” Xan tucks his hands in his pockets and rocks back on the heels of his worn-out work boots. Millie plays with a braid that hangs down her shoulder, her toe digging into the cement. I ache inside for her, wanting to throw my body over hers and protect her from everything the world could ever throw at her. But if I protect her from the bad, I’ll inadvertently block out the good. I have no clue if this is going to be good or bad yet.
“You too,” Millie squeaks, her cheeks flaring red. “Um, am I going to see you again? Maybe?”
My shoulders tense and fists ball at my sides, ready to launch into Xan if he says one wrong thing.
“If you want to then of course. Any time.”
Millie smiles big and looks at me. I try my best to put encouragement behind my own features.
“Maybe, we could, um, throw, or uh, play. Baseball, I mean. Or something.” Her insecurity comes out thick and she shuffles her feet, tugging her braid so hard I she might pull it right out.
“Absolutely. You name the day and time and I’ll be there.” Xan assures her and Millie relaxes. I put my hand on her shoulder.
“Sweetie, can you wait in the car for a moment? I’d like to talk to Xan.”
Millie waves and crawls into dad’s truck. As soon as the door clicks shut, I turn to Xan and before I can say anything he lets out the loudest, heaviest breath I ever heard.
He bends at the middle and braces his hands on his knees. “Oh, fucking hell. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.”
He waits for my response but I can’t move through my stunned state. He stretches his body upright, running his hands through his hair over his head and clasps them behind his neck, tilting his chin to the sky.