Chapter Seven
BRIGGS
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I may as well be ina different universe the way Xan zeroes in on Millie and gives her a thousand percent of his attention. But Xan is great at that. It was his greatest skill.
He’s the kind of guy who makes you feel like there are no other girls in the entire world. Charming is what some would call it.
But as I watch him forget the room and pull the best smiles from our daughter, I can’t help but feel afraid for her. Xan doesn’t know that when her voice goes up like this it means she’s excited. He doesn’t know how she cracks her knuckles when she’s nervous or how she chews her lip when she’s lying.
He doesn’t know how she cried after touching a burnt tree after visiting a burn site in Northern Yukon because the fire took a whole forest and it must have hurt all the trees and animals that lived in them. She’s a sweet, sensitive girl and I have to clasp my hands in my lap and stop my boot heel from slamming down on the ground, itching to grab her and run.
“What do you do? As your job?” Millie’s voice faintly pushes through my thoughts and I remind myself for the billionth time that this is good. My job as her mother isn’t to stop her from feeling pain or sadness it’s to help guide her through it so she comes out the other side stronger and more resilient. If he hurts her, I will help her heal.
“I’m a wild land firefighter,” Xan says leaning in and my focus hones in on him like a laser.
“You’re a what?” I ask and he glances at me like he forgot I’m even here.
“I fight forest fires.” He relaxes back into the dark red vinyl seat and rubs his palms on his jeans.
Millie’s eyes widen with wonder and I see her building his pedestal as he speaks.
“I thought you did construction with Jet?” I join the conversation leaning forward and Xan mimics my body language shifting and resting his elbows on the table.
“I help him out sometimes. In the winter. It makes more than taking EI.” Xan glances down at the table where he rests his elbows and I notice the definition in his bare arms. Powerful hands, thick forearms, and biceps that stretch his faded black tee. Construction. Firefighting. The changes I noticed the other night in him made sense now.
“What’s EI?” Millie asks and I swear Xan blushes. It doesn’t surprise me that he’d rather work himself into the ground than take money from the government. I remember all his secondhand clothes and tattered school supplies and the kids from East Raston whispering behind his back about his parent’s welfare. Which his parents weren’t on welfare, but kids are mean and dumb. Especially wealthy, privileged kids. I would know I was one.
I believed all the rumors about the Ryker family as a kid. A few of them proved to be true, but mostly it was easiest for the East Raston kids to pick on the most stereotypically White Trash family in town as they called Xan and his siblings. All West Raston-ers were poor, but the Rykers had the added benefit of being the kids of a Jesus obsessed zealot and an abusive drunk who both believed their families helped found this town with guidance from the Lord. Xan was embarrassed of his parents—he’d told me so many times. He always fought so hard to be different from them. It seems like that hasn’t changed.
“Firefighting only happens in the summer, Sweetie. So, in the winter there’s no work for Xan and the Employment Insurance would be a way for Xan to make money to be able to afford to live until the next summer. But he chooses to work with his brother instead, so he doesn’t need it.” I adjust Millie’s braid on her shoulder, hyper aware of my ability to offend Xan.
Our gazes meet across the table and he gives me a warm smile, his thick lips stretching thin, and his cheeks showing his dimples through the scruff that dusts his jaw. A long moment of silence stretches across the table until the waitress brings our food, gently placing mine and Millie’s with a pleasantries and then plunking down Xan’s plate with a clatter and a glare.
“She doesn’t seem like she likes you very much,” Millie points out and I hide my laugh behind my hand, having a feeling I might know why. Xan lifts the bun off his burger and shifts his fries around.
“She does not,” he says inspecting his food. “I’m checking to make sure she didn’t spit in it.”
Millie bursts into giggles. “Gross!”
“I know, right? Does it look okay to you?” Xan slides his plate across the table.
Millie leans over the food and makes a show of her inspection. “I think it’s okay.”
“Good,” Xan says slapping the bun on, scooping up the burger and taking a huge bite. Ketchup smears across his cheek and crumbs fall from his lips. “It’s delicious.”
Millie doubles over in a fit of giggles and Xan shifts focus to me only for a moment, giving me a playful wink as he wipes his face. The gesture rips through my body, dragging up old feelings of lust that I swore I’d keep buried forever. Quickly the desire I locked away turns to fear as a new thought bombards my mind. Xan is magnetic. He’s light and heat. He isn’t just fire.
Xan is the sun. He brings warmth and happiness to those around him, but he burns from the inside, out. If you get too close it could be overwhelming, suffocating, and all consuming. I’ve been consumed by him before, burnt to ash by his love for me. I rebuilt myself from those ashes, and I can’t let him draw me in again.
“Mom’s like super famous,” Millie says popping a fry into her mouth and I raise an eyebrow, finally rejoining the conversation.
Xan sits back in his seat with a mocking grin on his face. “I didn’t realize I was hanging out with a celebrity.”
I bark out a laugh and stab a leaf of spinach from my salad, saving my burger for after.
“I’m not famous. To be honest no one knows who I am at all. My company is famous.”