I stand from the couch and then cross the room to her. “I still love you, Aunt Fran. Love is messy and I’m starting to understand that not everything is black and white. I love you. If my opinion of anyone has changed, it’s my dad.”
“You love me?”
“Yeah, of course I love you. You’re the best aunt ever.”
She squeezes me so tight that I become concerned for my ribs. But I don’t complain. I only hold her back equally as tight.
“But listen to me, Sugar,” she murmurs against my hair. “Don’t hold a grudge or any resentment toward your father. This is between me, your mom, and him. Not you honey. You keep your relationship intact. Don’t judge him to harshly. Until you’ve lived a day in their head, you’ll never know the full story.”
I don’t quite understand what she’s telling me, only not to be angry at that man who destroyed her heart. But like she said, I’ve not lived in Fran’s head so how can I possible know what she’s thinking.
* * *
Adam places a blindfold on me as soon as I buckle my seat belt. “What’s this?”
“It’s a surprise, obviously.” He kisses my check and whispers, “Relax. We’re not going far.”
True to his word, we only drive a few minutes before he’s opening my door and then helping me out. I feel gravel crunch beneath my feet, and then he tells me to lift my foot up for a step. A door creaks open. Then I lift my foot for another step. I inhale and smell cigarettes, lemon-scented cleaner, and a hint of weed. I immediately recognize where we are. This is his family’s house. I don’t say anything, allowing Adam to guide me. Another door creaks, and then he takes me into a room with a few more steps.
“Okay, you can remove it.”
I lift the black cloth and peek. We’re in his bedroom, but he’s cleaned it. There are several candles lit. On the floor is a blanket with a bowl of grapes, a platter with cheese and crackers, and a box of wine. I bring my hands to my mouth.
“This is so romantic!”
I’ve never had anyone surprise me with a little picnic spread and candles. My heart is beating rapidly with excitement and nervousness, and I’m totally swooning.
Adam keeps his eyes on me as he lowers himself to the floor. He pats the blanket. “Come here.”
I join him, placing my hands in my lap, not knowing what to do next. He plucks a grape, and then I feel the cool, smooth texture against my lips. I open my mouth for him. Heat pools in my belly. He doesn’t immediately pull his finger away; instead he traces my lips. I close my mouth on his finger, then he slides it out. Sweet juices fill my mouth as I chew. Mmm. Delicious. I almost choke on the grape when Adam leans forward to kiss me. I swallow as fast as I can because it seems having a half-chewed grape in my mouth while making out would be a turnoff.
I expected him to go a lot slower after all the effort he’s put into seducing me, but Adam is definitely eager for this to happen. I force my nerves to calm down and my mind to stop racing, and urge myself to just feel. His big, warm hands cup my breasts while his hips press into me. Everything happens so fast. One minute I’m chewing a grape and enjoying the romantic gesture, and the next, he’s removing my clothes.
When I’m down to only my underwear, I grab his wrists. “Can we pause for a second?”
“You want to stop? Sorry. It’s just, I was so in the moment. I know my bedroom isn’t much, but I was hoping with the small size and all, it would be considered intimate.”
“No, no, no,” I rush out. “It’s not that at all.”
“Then”—he casts his eyes down—“what is it? I’m crazy about you, Sugar.”
I gulp. “This is my first time. Can’t we take it slow?”
“Why do you think I did all this? I did it for you because I know it’s your first time. You know what? Forget it. I’m sorry. You deserve to have a more special—”
I leap toward him and press my lips firmly against his. I pour all my emotion and desire into the kiss. He greedily accepts and we fall back onto the blanket. My bra is shoved down, freeing my breasts. His hands knead them with such pressure that it’s dancing the line of pain. My panties are the next to get shoved down my legs. One hand cups my ass cheek and treats it in a similar fashion as my breast. Interesting. I wonder if all guys work your body like they’re getting ready to bake bread. I feel like I’m the dough, and he’s the baker. I’m not sure I like being prepped for the oven, and I’d really like to move on to the baking.
Panic begins to set in when he pulls a foil wrapper out of his back pocket. Heart palpations start in my chest as I watch Adam slide the condom on. Unsure what to do, I fall to my back and stare up at the ceiling. My body jerks when I feel the tip of him. I’m not so sure now. I feel like I’m going to vomit. This reminds me of waiting in line to ride the roller coaster for the first time. You hear people screaming with joy mixed in with rock or hip-hop blasting through the speakers, and it looks exhilarating to watch the coaster flip and turn on the track. Everyone that comes off the ride is grinning from ear to ear, talking about how it was incredible. The longer you wait for your turn, the more you anticipate. You’re full of courage all the way up until you’ve taken your seat, and they strap you in. The feel of the heavy machine crushing you against the metal as it vibrates beneath your feet. All the worst scenarios flash before your eyes. The track seems a lot more dangerous when you’re eye level with it, and the ground is so far below.
Obviously, I’ve survived every roller coaster ride I’ve been on. I also have been disappointed by several of them. Will I regret this? What if this is simply another overhyped ride?No. It’s not about the ride but who I’m on it with. I’m only nervous because I’m a virgin.
When his lips find mine again, I calm down. Then he travels along my neck with open-mouth kisses, and I melt further into him. This is perfect. There are candles. A picnic spread. Adam is gorgeous, and I think I love him. Ah! He pushes himself fully inside me. Yet, I feel an emptiness. It’s the pain from this being my first time, I’m sure. As my body stretches and I feel tugging with each thrust, I keep assuring myself this is a beautiful moment. I’m not making a mistake. Because this is perfect. Everything is perfect…
One. Grunt. Two. Grunt. Three. Grunt.
He stops moving.The weight of Adam’s warm body settling on top of me soothes me.
“Oh God.” He moans as he twitches inside me. Is that it? Is it over? Hopefully.