“Stop,” Lev growls vehemently. “Marina miscarried. It happens.”
“I might have believed that if it happened in isolation,” I point out. “But it didn’t. She miscarried two days after that meeting. The one where I tried to strangle her to death.”
“You didn’t, though.”
“Because she managed to choke out that she was pregnant. And even then, I thought she was lying. I thought she was manipulating me.”
“She was the girl who cried wolf,” Lev says. “Of course you didn’t believe her.”
“I would have killed her that day,” I admit.
Lev laughs like I’m joking. When he sees my face, he stops short. “Listen, man… if this is going to turn into a confession, I don’t really want to hear it.”
I stare at Lev, the person who I consider a brother. The man I consider my closest friend and confidant. If I were going to confess anything, it would be to him.
“What do you think I’m confessing to, Lev?” I ask quietly.
He studies my face, searching for the answer before I can give it to him. “I honestly don’t know, brother. All I can say is that it won’t make a difference to me.”
I smile sourly. “No confession from me today. Just an acknowledgement of what you already know I’ve done.”
“It was a bad fight,” Lev says gently. “You were both pissed and emotional. She miscarried. Stuff like that happens. It was not your fault.”
“It feels like my fault. Divine fucking retribution. But worse than that, I feel guilty for all the things I felt right after it happened. Relieved. Unburdened. Set free.”
“Brother,” Lev says, with a tired sigh, “you’re only human. It’s a normal reaction to have.”
“Is it?” I ask. “Feeling relieved that your wife miscarried your baby?”
“She was also the one who emptied a million-dollar-wine cellar on your bed and tried to light a match,” he drawls. “Thank God she didn’t know wine isn’t flammable.”
I grimace. “Should have told Rodion that little tidbit before I blew his brains out,” I mutter. “Thinks his precious little girl was so fucking innocent.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered what you told him,” Lev points out. “He wouldn’t have believed you, anyway.”
I nod. “True enough.”
“You know it’s over, right?” he asks. “More or less. Yaromir isn’t going to move against you, especially after today. You’ve got his balls in a vise grip.”
“I know.”
“You’re a free man. From Marina. From her father. You’ve got the clean slate you’ve always wanted.”
“You trying to tell me something?”
“I’m trying to say that maybe you can start over,” he suggests. “With a woman you actually care about.”
I raise my eyebrows, wondering for the first time what a future with Jessa might look like. The moment I think about it, it feels inevitable.
What is my other option? To let her walk out of my life? That was never gonna happen, whether she was carrying my baby or not. She belongs to me now—forever.
“Is a fresh start even possible for someone like me?” I murmur, thinking out loud.
Lev chuckles under his breath. “You’re the one who keeps saying that anything is possible for you. Time to prove it.”