Chapter Forty-Five
Noah
Watson was standingoutside the door when I walked out.
“What the fuck happened to you?”
I winced when I touched my lip. “Silas happened.”
Watson snorted. “Did you get him back good?”
“Nah. I deserved it.”
“You okay, man?”
“I’m fine. It’s just a busted lip.”
“No. I mean…Sienna. The pregnancy.”
I glanced at him, and a knowing look passed between us. Watson knew about Evie. He knew every detail from my past, which explained his concern.
“I’m not gonna lie and pretend like it’s not one motherfucker of a curveball. But right now, I can’t focus on that. We need to get Sienna out of here and somewhere safe. We’re sitting ducks here out in the open.”
He pushed himself from the wall. “Agreed.”
“It’s time for plan B.”
Watson studied me, widening his stance. “Plan B?”
I sighed. This was not what I wanted for her. I never wanted things to escalate to a point where she no longer had a choice or control over her own life. A part of me kept on holding on to hope that maybe there was a different option for her, one that didn’t require her to give up her entire life. But everything has changed, and we were all out of options.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “Plan B.”
Watson nodded. “I’ll get the ball rolling. Oh, and eh…that Andrew guy you asked me to look into.” He shrugged. “He’s clean. So I guess it was jealousy I smelled on you.”
“Fuck off.”
He smirked like an idiot then darted down the hall, past the nurses’ station. And for the first time since I got the rug pulled from under me, I was able to hear my thoughts. Think about what this pregnancy really meant.
Sienna was pregnant. I was going to be a father again. How in fuck’s name was that even possible? I mean, I knew how it was possible—but what God would give me another child when I still had the ghost of my daughter haunt me every minute of every day?
I hunched down and leaned back against the wall, my mind in overdrive and my thoughts absolute fucking chaos. Everything was complicated enough with the fiery redhead—I had just come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t willing to walk away again. That being without her wasn’t a damn option.
And now she was pregnant. My God.
I knew I wasn’t the only parent to lose a child. I also knew that many parents who suffered the same kind of loss I did were afraid of forgetting. Afraid of waking up one morning and the image of that child would be gone.
But not me.
I prayed every goddamn night for Evie’s face to disappear—for me to forget those fluorescent blue eyes that would glimmer with mischief and the tiny blonde curls that would wave around whenever she ran into my arms.
And her laugh; how I’d do anything to forget the sound of her laughter that had the power to make me smile no matter what kind of bad mood I was in. She could write on the walls with permanent markers, and I’d be furious—my anger only to be defeated by her infectious laughter and beautiful smile.
For years I wished the memories gone. But every morning I woke up, Evie’s face was right there in my mind—clear as if I had only seen her yesterday.
Now, I was going to be a father again. Odds were, I was going to fall head over heels in love with a tiny little baby who would steal my breath and wrap their existence around my heart the same way their small little hand would wrap around my thumb. Yet somehow it felt like I’d never be able to love another child the way I loved Evie. Was that even possible? Would I be able to look at another baby without seeing Evie’s face? Would I be able to hold a new child in my arms without thinking about the one I lost? So many fucking questions. So many doubts and insecurities. My mind was a goddamn minefield.
“Get a grip, Noah,” I muttered to myself, brushing my fingers through my hair repeatedly. We had time to figure everything out, to sit and digest everything that was happening calmly. But right now, keeping Sienna safe was my top priority. Everything else just had to wait.