“I’m upset that he isn’t here to celebrate my big news. I hurt for my parents, for you, for Zach. I use it to make something of my life—a life he didn’t get. I was in a bad place after he died…I not only lost my brother, but I lost my best friend. I felt like I had lost everything. I mean, I did. So did Zach. He had lost his best friend and his only sister.”
Dani looks down guiltily. When she looks back up to me, I have to fight the feeling of wanting to just pull her into my arms and cry.
“Zach and I started hanging out and were just friends, but then it turned into something more—we drew strength from each other. Moving on doesn’t mean I’m any less sad or miss my brother any less. It just means I’m living.”
I adjust myself on the grass so that I’m closer to Dani. “Please don’t think that I’m not dying on the inside, all because I appear to have my shit together on the outside. There have been plenty of nights that I have cried myself to sleep, and Zach will just hold me and let me fall apart. I cry if I see something that reminds me of him or when I see something that I think he would’ve liked. But I also know that he wouldn’t want me to be sad and not live my life. I know that I get to spend the rest of my life living for my brother and have a man next to me who I love so much.
“Through Em’s death, I found Zach. Yes, I’ve known him my whole life, but it wasn’t until we were both so broken and lost in the darkness and consumed by our grief that we found light in each other. We healed each other. It’s still a process, but we are facing it together. He would be so happy for us…well, after he thoroughly kicked your brother’s ass, of course.”
We both laugh. That has to be a good sign, right?
I take a deep breath and look into her eyes so she really hears what I’m about to say. “He would want you to live too, Danielle. He would hate you like this; you and I both know it.”
“But I feel guilty…” she attempts to say before I raise my hand to cut her off.
“I know how madly in love my brother was with you and vice versa. I know the dreams you guys planned and the life you both wanted together. I was there for both of you. I saw both sides of your love as his sister and your best friend. And then life stepped up to the plate and gave a big fuck-you and destroyed them, all of them—your dreams, mine, my parents’, and anyone who ever did or would have known Emmett. I know that Em wouldn’t want this for you. He told me once that all he wanted was for you to be happy—it was why he did stupid shit like the singing and dancing in public or verbally proclaiming his love for you as if he just discovered new land. He said his sole purpose in life was to make you smile. Yeah, he actually said that—big, bad Emmett was pretty whipped. I never understood any of that until Zach.”
Maybe Kyler is Em’s gift to Dani, to always keep her smiling.
The corners of my mouth curve upward, and I feel my cheeks warm as I think about how lucky I am to have Zach in my life. My thumb plays with the new gorgeous ring on my finger. Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m engaged. I get to spend the rest of my life with a man I genuinely adore and who loves me. I close my eyes and look up at the sky.
“Ya know, I don’t know exactly where my brother is right now, but I hope that he is at peace. And of course, if he chooses to haunt me, I hope he at least doesn’t do it while Zach and I are, well…” I wiggle my eyebrows and giggle as Dani holds her hand up for me to stop.
After all that she and Em put us through with PDA over the years, I am half-tempted to finish that sentence.
“But what I do know is that he would hate you not being happy. He would hate knowing that the smile that he made sure he saw every day was gone. He would understand and want someone to be able to put that smile back on your face if he can’t. We know that if he were here that you both would be together and hopefully, by now, I’d be spoiling the shit out of my nieces or nephews.” My smile quickly fades. “But he’s not. He’s never coming back. So, Dani, I need you to live, for you, for Emmett, for the dreams, and for the memories. You can’t live your life carrying the weight of my brother’s death, you just can’t. I won’t allow it. We let you walk away once before, and fuck if we are going to let you do it again. Prove that my brother’s death wasn’t for nothing but his dreams dying with him and yours as well. We can’t change your dreams together falling apart, but you can still do something about yours—make new ones.”
Dani begins to fully break down again, tears running down her cheeks and shoulders trembling. “But I just feel so guilty that I get to live and he doesn’t.”
I pull Dani into my arms, not holding back, both of us sobbing. After a moment, I pull back and place my hands on her cheeks to force her to look at me.
“I know, I know, but I need you to fucking stop. Don’t let your guilt get in the way of being happy. You did not cause that accident. That’s what it was—an accident. A wrong place at the wrong time. I need you to make the decision to stop feeling guilty. To make the decision of living your life. You only get one, and how amazing is it that in that one life you get two great men who love you when most people don’t even get one?”
Dani gasps and pulls back in shock. I’m not sure what I said just now to earn that reaction. “Kyler doesn’t love me.”
My brows furrow. Is she serious right now? That boy is head over heels in love with her.
I try to hide back my laughter, but a giggle escapes. “Oh, yes, he does. I’ve known him for a few years now, and I’ve never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you.”
“And how is that?” She cocks her head to the side.
I place my forehead against hers. “Honey, Ky looks at you the same way Emmett used to.”
How has she not realized this? I reach out for her hand and squeeze it to show her it’s okay to admit her feelings for him. Like I told her, my brother wouldn’t want her not to allow herself to love again.
“It’s also the same way you look at him.”
She silently nods. See, that wasn’t so hard, D.
She wipes under her eyes and laughs. “Shit, Hails, when did you become the smart and wise one out of the two of us?”
I smile. Well, she walked right into this one. “Probably around the same time I started sleeping with your brother.”
I am mentally high-fiving myself as she jokingly gags. Payback is a bitch. But we end up just laughing more.
“If that’s not the pot calling the kettle black, missy. Remember every time we talked about boys growing up and all your firsts? I had to hear about my brother, so bleh.” I stick my tongue at her as we continue to get lost in our laughter.
Once we compose ourselves, wiping away tears of joy now, Dani grabs my hand to inspect my new bling. “So you’re really going to marry my brother, huh?”