“Woah, Haylee, where are you going? You’re just going to leave?” Zach rises to his feet.
Concern is written over both Zach and Ky’s faces.
“Call it best friend’s intuition, but I know where she went. Give me some time to get there, okay?”
“I don’t get it. Where did she go?” Kyler asks.
Instead of answering, I step up to Zach, press a brief kiss to his lips, and give Kyler a small smile, reassuring him I am confident.
As I close the door behind me and head to Zach’s Jeep, I pray to God I am right. Pulling out of the driveway, I take a deep breath and put the vehicle in drive, then head to the same place I go when I’m upset—Glen Ridge Cemetery.
I hold my breath as I pull through the cemetery gates, hoping my intuition was right, and finally release it as I turn onto the hill and see her SUV parked there. I pull out my cell phone to call Za
ch. We spoke for most of the drive, mainly me reassuring him and Kyler that this is where she would be.
The phone doesn’t even ring before he picks up.
“Hey, baby.” His voice, while calm, is laced with panic.
“Hey.”
“Please tell me you have some news. Ky and I are going crazy here.”
I get out of the Jeep and make my way toward her. I see that she is sitting next to Emmett’s grave with her knees pulled into her chest, resting her chin on them.
“Yeah, I found her. She’s okay. We’ll be home soon.”
“Oh, thank God. Ky, she found her.” Instant relief floods my fiancé’s voice.
I hear Kyler mumble something in the background, but can’t fully make it out.
“Bring her home. I love you.”
“Love you too.” I end the call and put my phone away as I approach her. I take a seat next to her on the grass.
“I figured this is where I’d find you. I come here when I need a moment too.” I turn to face my brother’s headstone and place my hand over his name, Emmett Adam Hanks. “Hey, big bro. About time she visited, huh?”
I know that this is the first time she has been here since the funeral. I think of all the times I have been here since then.
Silence consumes us. I just sit and stare at her. There is so much emotion written all over her face. Her eyes are swollen and red. All of the years of pent-up grief finally unleashed. I just want to pull her into my arms and never let go, but I need to give her the lead with this.
I hate this for her. I hate this for us. Her eyes turn heavy with guilt as she looks to me and begins to speak, but I cut her off.
I reach for her wrist. “It’s okay, Dani.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s really not. I’m not sure how to do this. I’m a mess. I ruined this morning, and then I said some very hurtful things to Kyler.”
Her shoulders are tense as if she is carrying the weight of the world on them. The things she said to Kyler hurt all of us, but he loves her enough to know she didn’t mean them. He just wants her home and safe. I can see how upset this whole situation has made her, and it kills me to see her like this. This is a shell of the girl she used to be before Kyler brought her back to life. Yeah, I can honestly say that she is a better person and healing because of him, not because of anything Zach, our parents, or I did, but it was all Kyler. I can see how much they mean to each other.
“Then I come here for the first time since the funeral, and I scream. Like seriously at the top of my lungs, wake-the-dead-style scream. I’m surprised no one called the cops to haul my ass out of here. I’m just still so angry. Where do you find the strength to move on?”
I think about what she just said. Move on? Is that what she thinks we did? I could never “move on” from the loss of my brother; I just learned how to deal with it since it’s something that I can’t change. I tighten the grip on her wrist as I fight back my own tears.
“It’s not easy. It’s honestly a lot of work, but I take it one day at a time. Some days I am so angry that he’s not here, and others I use the anger I have that he’s not to power me through the day. I’m angry for all the big events he has missed and will continue to miss.”
Give me strength, Em.
This was a big moment today that he missed. I hate it that he isn’t here to see me happy, to see Zach happy. Who would’ve thought it would’ve been us?