He squeezed my hand, and I leaned forward, kissing his cheek. He smelled of peppermints, and it instantly reminded me of my father. The tears I’d been able to swallow dared to return, but I stepped away, needing to focus on something else.
The hollow part of my soul needed a break from grieving my father’s death and Jude’s kidnapping. I knew I wasn’t alone, but I needed to feel whole for a second instead of the broken pieces I’d become.
Strong Loren was capable and sure of herself. I liked feeling that way. I refused to think of the what-ifs, not wanting to play that game, afraid if I thought it, then it would come into existence. Instead, I focused on positive thoughts, knowing that Jude was strong and there was an ending where he returned to us.
While I was the only one grieving the loss of my father, we were all struggling with Jude being gone. He’d touched us all, changing our lives in the brief time we’d had with him.
It wasn’t enough time. We needed him, and he needed us. We were the Misfit Penguin Club, which didn’t work without him.
“Lore, do you need anything?” I felt Atticus touch my elbow, pulling me into him. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his head falling on the crook of my neck.
“Just needed a moment where I didn’t feel so fucking sad.” I turned, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Please, tell me you have something.”
“I’ve heard from Nat. She’s made her first contact with the O’Sullivans. Topher and Malek are scouting the Masked Kingpin. So far, the intel Malek’s provided seems accurate, but we can’t take into account my father not changing it when he left. I don’t want you to get your hopes up, but they’re planning on going in tonight. It could be the end of the beginning.”
“It’s something. Thank you for telling me.” I leaned up, touching his lips to mine. I didn’t deepen it, only needing to feel his against mine to be reassured. I pulled back, laying my head on his chest. The small modicum of strength I’d had a moment ago fled me. “I’m so tired,” I admitted. I knew he’d understand. I wasn’t just physically exhausted, but I was tired of this fight.
“I know Bellezza, I know. It’s okay to rest and let someone else take over for a while. Didn’t you say that once?”
“Mmm, if it sounds smart, then probably.” I smiled into his jacket, loving the way his hands felt on my body.
“Then definitely you.” Chuckling, I pulled back, grateful for the slight reprieve.
“Thank you, Attie. I love you. You gave me my dad back, even if only briefly. That’s something I’ll never be able to repay you for.”
“Don’t you get it, Bellezza? You don’t have to. You fill my life with so much more just by being in it. I don’t need anything else.”
“You sound pretty smitten for a badass mafia boss,” I whispered, pulling the lapels of his suit.
“What can I say? It only took a sassy therapist to show me what I’d been missing out on. Are you ready to go?”
I sighed, looking around. Most of the guests were gone, only showing for appearance, not caring one way or another about my father. “Yeah. I want to watch them lower him, though. I need it, I think.”
He nodded once over my head, leading me over to the casket. My mother was long gone, only Marcus remained. Taking his hand, I held it as we both watched a man who hadn’t gotten enough time to show the world what he was made of. The caretaker looked up once he’d lowered him all the way, the spinning wheel making a loud sound.
“I’ll give you a few moments.” He stood, stepping away. I saw Sax give him an envelope off to the side, and I knew they were making sure my father’s grave got extra attention. It was a weirdly sweet gesture.
“Do you want to say anything?” I asked Marcus. He looked anxious, put on the spot, and I knew I needed to do this for him. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, finding the words to say out loud.
“I’ll miss you, Dad. Thank you for showing me who you really were at the end. I wish we’d gotten more time, but I’m glad we had the few moments we did. I won’t stop our fight. Your death won’t be meaningless. I love you.”
Using some of the things I’d said to him privately, it felt important to make my last words the same as he’d given me. Opening my eyes, I turned to Marcus, hoping he’d feel more comfortable now.
“That was beautiful, Loren. I know he’d wish he’d had more time too. I look forward to meeting Jude. Your father spoke highly of him.”
I ignored the statement, not wanting to fall apart at the thought of Jude being gone. “Please, give me a call, okay?” He nodded, and I hugged him quickly. “Be safe, and stay as long as you need.”
“Thank you.”
I stepped back, not looking at the casket, wanting to remember it as I had when I said goodbye. Five dangerous men in suits stepped up next to me, and together, we made our way to the limo. I imagined our group looked menacing, and for once, I felt it. Power radiated through us, and we weren’t something to dismiss.
Focusing on the plan for tonight, I tucked my grief away, pulling the rage back out, ready to take on a murdering psychopath.
Dayton thought he was the smartest person, moving us around like little game pieces. He’d underestimated me, though, not taking into account my mama bear nature or the fact I was now Lady of the fucking Manor.
It was time I introduced him to Mrs. Mascro.