LOREN
The air felt colder, and yet the sun hotter as it beat down on me. I stood in the damp grass, my heels sinking into the ground as I stared at the mahogany casket. It gleamed in the sunlight, and something about that felt disrespectful. Why did it have to look so pristine? Death shouldn’t be so shiny.
An arm brushed against me, and I opened my hand, hoping whoever was next to me would take the offering. I couldn’t look away, worried it would be over if I did. I wasn’t ready for it to be over.
I knew he was dead, but I hadn’t accepted it yet. I couldn’t.
How did one prepare for this?
It was impossible. This was impossible. I shouldn’t be here.
Anger replaced the overwhelming bleakness, bringing me back to life. I could deal with the anger. If I focused on it, then I wouldn’t spiral out of control, falling so far into my pit of despair I wouldn’t return.
Dayton was responsible for this. I knew it.
An arm wrapped around me from the other side, and I leaned into their body. The smell of clean cotton filled my nostrils, and I knew Monroe stood there. It was comforting feeling him, reminding something inside me that whispered it would be different this time. I could say goodbye without breaking apart.
I wasn’t alone. In fact, I was loved beyond anything I’d ever imagined possible.
But this would be hard.
Sucking in a breath, my hand tightened on the one I held, needing to feel their strength as I clung to it.
Guests mingled, but I ignored them all. They weren’t important. Only one person here shared my grief, and he wasn’t allowed to openly show it.
Tears fell down my cheek, making my sight blurry. I didn’t try to stop them. They needed to fall.
“It’s time, Loren.” I didn’t know who said it, but I nodded, letting them lead me up to the casket. Someone handed me a white rose, and I placed it delicately on top. It looked right there. He deserved something pure at his funeral. Taking a minute, I set my hand on the casket, wanting to feel his presence one last time.
I hadn’t gotten to say goodbye, his text the last words I’d ever heard from him. We’d opted for a closed casket, the fire having caused extensive damage. I’d been shielded from it, my men taking care of all the tasks for me. Again, I couldn’t deny the difference between this funeral and the last.
There I’d been alone, but here I was surrounded by love. It was a gift to grieve openly without having to put a mask on.
“Dry your tears, Loren! You’re embarrassing yourself,” my mother scoffed, pushing me aside as she laid her own flower. The rage I’d barely been able to contain rose up, and I found a target to unleash it on.
“What are you even doing here, Mother? Dad left you and was finally living his truth. Marcus should be the one up here, not you. You’re nothing more than a power-hungry cow. Do us all a favor and leave. No one wants you here, especially Dad.”
“How dare you, you ungrateful, spoiled whore!” Her words came out as angry barbs, the spit flying as she threw them at me. For once in my life, they didn’t land, her thoughts about my character not holding any value. “Your father’s to blame for this. He spoiled you. If he hadn’t been out sleeping with men, then maybe you wouldn’t have become such a disgrace. I tried, I really did. You and your father deserve whatever you get.” She leaned close, whispering her words, so they weren’t overheard. “You have nothing now. No case, no witness. Nothing. And with his death, I no longer need you. I won, sweetie. Your father finally did something good for me.”
Without hesitation, I raised my hand, slapping her across the face. The crowd gasped, but I ignored them all. “Don’t you ever speak of him that way! You're so wrong, Jacqueline. It was you who was never worthy of us. Take your money, you’re gonna need it for a good lawyer. Because don’t doubt for one second that I’m not still coming for you. You’re far from innocent, and Dad wasn’t the only witness I had. If I find you had something to do with his death, there won’t be anyone who’d be able to find you. Remember that, sweetie.”
She gaped at me, her eyes landing on my hand, shock sitting there. I stepped back, straightening the sleeves of my black blazer. I wiped my hand on my side, not wanting her taint to linger on my skin. Ignoring her look of outrage, I placed my palm back on the casket, saying my goodbyes.
“Thank you for showing me the man you truly were in the end. I wish we’d had more time. Our second chance was stolen from us, but I’ll never forget the sacrifice you made. Thank you, Dad.”
One final tear rolled down my cheek, and I leaned over, kissing the shiny wood. It was warm against my lips, the sun having heated it. The tear fell onto the surface, marking my love for my father forever. I stepped back, walking over to the man sitting in the front row who I’d wished I’d gotten to know more.
“Marcus.” I clasped his hands, holding them tight.
“Loren, your father was so proud of you. I’m going to miss him.” He began to tear up, the words hard for him to say.
“Me too. If you’d like, I’d love to get to know you better, as the man my father loved?”
He smiled, nodding. “I’d like that a lot.”
“Maybe, together we can share the grief, and it won’t feel so scary. Do you have my number?”
He shook his head, and I looked over my shoulder. Nicco stood there, my phone in his hand. I smiled at his attentiveness. Kissing his cheek, I turned back to Marcus. “Give him yours, and I’ll be in touch. I need to say hello to a few other guests. If Jacqueline gives you any trouble, just let one of the men with me know. I tried to bar her from attending, but as his wife, she had a legal right to be present according to the funeral home.” I gritted my teeth at the information.