It was a crime really how good he made black look.
A new tattoo peeked out of his collar, and I was curious about what it was. Nicco leaned against the wall casually, letting me take my fill of him, a crooked smile on his face. Silence hung between us, neither of us breaching it in this small space. When the elevator came to a halt, the ding sounded, announcing our arrival, but we were locked in a stare-off. It wasn’t until a throat cleared that I dropped the hold he had on me and looked.
Of course, it would be Monroe standing there, holding the doors open.
“Hey, Lo. I just knocked on your door, but you obviously weren’t there because you’re here. Um, yeah,” he chuckled, nervously. “I was headed to grab some lunch and wanted to see if you wanted anything.”
He glanced between Nicco and me, taking in the other man. When he looked back at me, I panicked, not knowing what to do.
“Yeah, that would be great, thank you!” I chirped. ”Just um, get me whatever you’re getting. I’m sure it will be wonderful!”
My voice came out all high-pitched and squeaky, and Monroe smiled at me, softening my nerves. He stepped in and held out his hand to Nicco, his good-guy nature rising to the surface.
“Hey, I’m Monroe. I live across from Loren.”
“Nice to meet you man, I’m Nicco.”
“We’re just, I don’t know, really,” I babbled, dropping my hands awkwardly at my sides. When the elevator started to beep, I jumped, remembering we weren’t standing in the hall but still on the cursed thing. Rushing forward, I made it even more awkward when I tried to squeeze under Monroe’s arm as he shook Nicco’s hand with his other.
Grabbing his hips as I squeezed by, he jumped at the unexpected touch, letting go of the doors and stepping forward. So in what could only be a comedic parody of my life, I slid out into the hall while Monroe stepped forward, trapping Nicco and him together as the doors began to shut. Neither of us seemed to know what to do as the doors closed, opposite sides from one another. Monroe turned right before they shut all the way, an odd expression on his face as he still gripped Nicco’s hand. Hand covering my mouth in shock, I couldn’t stop the giggle that flooded out of me.
Both men looked at me, a smile on their face at the sound before the door shut completely, taking them away from me. I watched as the floors descended and waited, leaning against the wall. When it got down to the bottom, the elevator stayed for a few minutes before it began to ascend again. When it stopped on 18 again, I held my breath, unsure what to expect when it opened, only releasing it as they slid open and he was there.
Nicco’s head lifted, snaring my eyes with his, and my breath caught. Fuck, this was hard. He slowly walked forward, approaching me with caution.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d find you here.”
Scrunching my brow, I tilted my head at him. “Why? I told you I’d listen to you.”
“You did, but then one of the most attractive men I’ve ever met, and nicest, by the way, was offering to bring you lunch, and I realized how out of my league I was with you. Not to mention how I royally screwed up. I should’ve tried harder. I’m so sorry, Loren.”
He gripped my hands, and his face had the most heartbreakingly beautiful expression. A door opened and closed in the other direction, and for the second time in his presence, I remembered we were in public.
“Come on, let’s talk inside.”
I pulled his hand, and when he linked our fingers together, I didn’t have the heart to drop it like I should. It felt too nice. Our fingers hooked together with ease as tingles zipped up my arm at the small gesture. My resolve to hold strong was failing, and I knew I needed to put some space between us when we got inside, or I’d end up fucking him on the kitchen island.
Dropping his hand to unlock my door, I took some deep breaths as well, gathering myself. I had to keep it together, so I didn’t fold easily. I sat my stuff down on the console table, kicked off my shoes, and then turned to address Nicco.
“Um, do you mind if I change real quick?”
“Of course. I’ll just wait here.”
Heading toward my bedroom, I shouted over my shoulder, “Help yourself to the fridge or whatever. I’ll be quick.”
Rushing, I discarded the clothes and turned on the water to the shower, hopping in before it warmed so I could rinse my body at least. Grabbing my loofah, I squirted soap and ran it over my body quickly, rinsing and jumping out in record time. Drying myself, I hastily dressed in clean clothes and ran a brush through my hair. I sprayed some spritz on, not wanting to smell like another man but also not wanting it to look like I tried all too hard.
Slipping on some socks, I hopped out into the hallway and smoothed my clothes down as I walked casually back to the man who had slowly awakened my heart. I found him leaning against the kitchen island, a water bottle in his hand. When he heard me, he looked up again, and almost like in the elevator, I was hooked in his gaze momentarily. Shaking my head, I took a seat on one of the stools, keeping the island between us. It was probably for the best.
He moved closer, leaning over the other side, bringing his intoxicating smell closer to my vicinity. Fucking hell, that wasn’t fair. I kept getting lost in his eyes, so I dropped them, fiddling with the sleeve of my shirt, before looking up, avoiding his hypnotizing gaze this time.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
I folded my arms, my defenses being triggered, and I wanted to throw up my walls and shield the pain. Nicco sighed, the sound agonizing, but I held firm, reminding myself of all the hurt I’d felt and hadn’t deserved. He could’ve called, sent a text, wrote an email, or even sent a fucking carrier pigeon! He could’ve done anything but ghost me.
“There’s nothing I can say that will ever make not reaching out to you okay. I want you to know that first. Atticus prohibited any outside contact, that’s true, but I don’t know, seeing you here, being in your vicinity, and feeling this, I know I should’ve tried harder. I’d convinced myself after a while that it was for the best. Perhaps he was right; it was easier to let him be the bad guy because by then, I knew I’d messed up, that I’d lost the best thing. And the only one at fault was me. I raged and fought, but I gave up. You’re not someone who anyone should give up on. If I never see you after today, I want you to know that at least.”
“All your words are pretty, Nicco, and there’s a part of me that understands and wants to welcome you back with open arms.”