Finding myself willingly at school at 2 am blew my mind. The fact I was laughing and having fun, even more so. I’d always liked school for the most part. Mainly because it was the safest place I had to go and get at least one meal. Kids picked on me at times, the poor foster kid was always an easy target, but I’d learned long ago how to make myself as inconspicuous as possible. Even when I didn’t need to be invisible anymore, I still found myself falling back into the habit. At one time, it had been the only thing that had kept me safe, becoming a way of life.
My peers’ laughter rose around me, all high on caffeine and sugar, and we took turns playing video games and board games. I hadn’t been sure if I’d wanted to come when my new friend, Dean, had invited me. I’d never been asked to events before, so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to trap myself in one single place all night with the kids I went to school with. Loren had talked me into it, and I was glad she had. It was the kind of teenage experience I should be having instead of being arrested.
I never thought one of the worst nights of my life would also lead me to the best.
Meeting Loren had changed my life in too many ways to count. For the first time, I felt like I had a family, someone who cared. She didn’t like to think of herself like my mom, more of a big sister type role, but whatever you called her, she’d shown me what it felt like to be cared for by another person.
I've been introduced to so many new things already. Having my own room and bathroom was a big one. Buying clothes with the tags on them at full price, and that actually fit, another one. All the food I could ever want was available at all times, a million devices and streaming services, but most importantly, someone who cared where I was. It all made my list.
They were normal things other kids took for granted and yet, they’d been a culture shock for me. Some of it was still hard to accept, but each day, I trusted Loren when she said there weren’t strings attached. Having routines and inside jokes filled me with more hope than I ever thought possible, and the only thing she wanted from me was honesty, which I could give to her.
Another huge opportunity I now had was being able to attend a school that valued the Arts. It required uniforms, had teachers who were passionate about teaching, and had donors for their funding. It was completely different than the public school #27 I’d attended prior that barely had 1-ply toilet paper.
As nice as everything was, I often felt like Dorothy, waking up in Oz. The feeling I’d wake up tomorrow, and it would all be a dream and taken away from me, still lingered, a fear I worried I’d never lose. My history had been so unstable, I didn’t know if I could ever learn to trust it. Imogen disappearing had felt natural, par for the course. Anytime something good happened in my life, it had to be balanced with something terrible. It was how things in my life worked, though. Usually, I got a whole bunch of bad.
Meeting and connecting with Immy, a girl who laughed at my lame attempts at jokes, who was beautiful and kind, had been too much good in my basket, and the world made sure to even the score. The itchy feeling under my skin was starting to rise again, the fear that something else big was on the horizon, just waiting to kick me to the curb.
Loren was healed now, at least physically, and back to her regular routine, so it was bound to happen. My life had been consistent in one thing, and it was to expect the bad the moment when you got happy. I didn’t want to be cynical for the rest of my life though, so in the spirit of believing in the good and Loren, I came to this lock-in. So far, it hadn’t been a bad idea.
“Jude, do you have any sheep for wood?” Olivia asked, a twinkle in her eye.
“Oh um, no, I don’t, sorry.”
“Too bad. I was hoping to see your wood.”
I blinked, not sure what she meant. The way she looked at me, and the other kids laughed, I had a feeling it was something sexual, but I was clearly missing it. I’d never played this game before, Settlers of Catan, so I hoped it was just something related to it.
“Sorry.” I inwardly cringed, heat creeping up my neck as the girls around the table giggled louder, and the guys laughed at my ignorance. Jonas leaned over toward me.
“Dude, she just said she wanted to see your one-eyed willy.”
“One-eyed willy? Isn’t that a character from Goonies?”
“Your dick, bro. She wants to see your dick.”
Of course, Brad had to shout it across the table, everyone else in the vicinity turning to look and laugh. Olivia shrugged, not denying, and I found myself heating even more. I’d never had a girl flirt with me before, and her overt attempts made me feel uncomfortable. When you had to survive through each day just to have a place to stay and food to eat, it didn’t leave much time for dating.
“If you want to sneak off to the janitor’s closet, I’ll cover for you, man,” the ever so helpful Jonas whispered.
“Oh, um. Thanks, that’s cool of you. But, um, I’m seeing someone.”
I lied in my panic, hoping Immy wouldn’t mind me using her as my fake girlfriend. It was doubtful I’d ever see her again as it was. He was about to ask another question when Dean walked up, interrupting him. I’d never been so happy to see him. Having friends was more challenging than it looked. Sharing things with others had me breaking out in hives, and I wondered if being sociable was all it was cracked up to be. Perhaps, I was more of an introvert than I’d realized. Hanging with Loren or Immy had been fine; this was a little much.
“Jude, man, there’s someone asking for you at the front. I’ll take over for you.”
“Oh, uh, thanks, Dean.”
Standing, I placed my cards down and smiled at the table. Olivia gave a little wave, her friends laughing at her bold behavior. Feeling out of my league, I waved back but quickly walked out the door. Once I was in the hallway, I realized how strange it was for someone to be asking for me. It could only mean a few things.
Trepidation filled me, and I wondered if my prophecy was happening now. Had I thought it into existence? Was the bad about to hit the fan?
When I turned the corner, surprise stopped me in my tracks. I hadn’t guessed him at all.
“What are you doing here?” My voice rang out strong, an edge of steel threaded through I hadn’t realized I possessed, and I wanted to congratulate myself on it.
The tattooed guy smiled at me, apparently finding my pissed-off stance funny. He looked the same as the last time I’d seen him. Black jeans ripped at the knee, a faded t-shirt, and a leather jacket. His hair was a little longer, his jaw lined with stubble, but it was his eyes I noticed the most significant difference in. He still smiled, the carefree guy on display, but his greyish eyes looked more haunted than before, the blue barely visible.
“You got spunk, kid. I like that about you,” he acknowledged, grinning at me.