The block of needing to push her away had gone, and a burning desire to earn the things I wanted swelled forward in its place. For the first time in my life, I wanted more from a woman.
Standing, I grabbed the extra helmet and jacket, handing them to her; it was colder out now, and the wind would be brutal if she didn’t cover up some. Loren accepted it, smiling up at me as we headed out, slipping her arms in the oversized leather jacket.
I wouldn’t admit to her how good she looked in it, but damn did she ever. She even fit perfectly behind me, her body pressed tight to mine. I had to drive the whole way downtown with a cock as hard as steel. Visions of fucking her on the bike didn’t help either. When we finally rolled to a stop near her building, she looked oddly at me when I walked in with her.
“What, Kitten? Don’t think I can be a gentleman and walk you to your door?”
“No, it’s not that, it’s just. Well, actually, it is that.”
“I should be offended, but I know I didn’t paint the best version of myself either when we met.”
Snorting, she looked at me, a softening in her eyes. “No, but I probably didn’t either. I was in a dark place, and as much as I grumbled about you, I think you actually helped me.”
“Helped you?” I asked in surprise. She nodded, pushing the button for her floor as we entered the elevator.
“Yeah. You gave me someone to fight. All the demons in my head I couldn’t, but you helped me concentrate that energy outside of myself. And, it made me feel stronger.” She turned to look up at me. “I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a therapist. And I felt like a failure, unable to help myself. The training sessions with you gave me a focus, a way to calm the racing thoughts and begin to internalize the strength I was feeling.”
“I have no clue what you just said, and no, I didn’t know that about you, but it makes sense. When you’re not kicking me in the balls or throwing barbs my way, you do have this sense of calmness about you. I think it’s what Fort felt too.”
“I do like that dog.”
The elevator dinged, and we walked off. “Well, um, not to be weird, but this feels like an awkward date now.” She commented, fumbling with her keys in front of her door.
Crowding her in, I watched as her breath hitched, her eyes wide as she looked up at me. “Don’t worry, Kitten. You’re not ready for me yet, so you’re off the hook tonight. Besides, it’s time I had a conversation with Monroe.”
I pulled myself away from her before I gave in to the temptation and walked across the hall. Knocking, I glanced back and found her in the same spot, her eyes watching me. I didn’t want to believe it, but it looked like longing and a little disappointment in her eyes before she blinked and righted herself.
“Right, okay. Um, you’ll message me when you know the days to train?”
Nodding to her, she smiled, did a little wave, unlocking her door. Monroe still hadn’t answered, so I banged a little louder. “Monroe, open up.”
A few seconds later, the door opened, and a bedraggled Roe stood in the opening. “Wells.” He crossed his arms but made no move to let me pass. Okay, so he was pissed, and I deserved it. I just worried I’d finally used up all my chances.
“What? That’s all I get?”
“What do you want? I don’t have time for this.”
Leaning against the doorframe, I brought our faces impossibly close to answer him. “What do I want? Well, for starters, I want to fuck Kitten up against the wall while you watch. Then, I want to fuck you while you eat her out. Perhaps after that, a little sixty-nine, or double penetration. The sky’s really the limit with how many things I want, Roe. But right now, I just want to talk. So, let me in.”
He sucked in a breath, licking his lips, and I didn’t miss how his eyes dilated, or his breathing quickened. Monroe hesitantly stepped back, finally allowing me entry. I didn’t miss how he adjusted himself, either. A smirk curved up my lips, and I purposefully brushed against him as I walked by. His moan had my own cock hardening, and I debated pushing him up back against the wall. Who needed talking anyway?
My earlier resolution, the things I’d been fighting for the past few months, and the promise I’d made to myself earlier were the only things that stopped me. He walked into the kitchen, putting some space between us, but I wouldn't let him off the hook that easily. Now that I’d allowed myself to feel the things I did for him, I wasn’t hiding it or backing down.
Monroe busied himself at the sink, his back to me, and if I had to guess, he was using it to avoid me and taking time to collect himself. He turned around a minute later, setting the lone glass he’d been washing on the drying rack before looking at me. Leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, I took him in from head to toe. He looked thinner, and exhaustion plagued him, dark circles underlining his eyes. The place was spotless, and the lack of Levi’s things was a sobering reality of how much of a bitch Brittni was.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted, needing to get it out there. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away. You’ve always been the best thing in my life, and I treated you like shit. You didn’t deserve that.”
He accepted my statement but didn’t say anything else, and part of me was glad he hadn’t made it easy on me. Approaching him, I bracketed my arms around him, closing him in on both sides. It seemed I wanted to torture myself tonight as I kept dangling the carrot in front of my face.
“No, I don’t think you heard me, Monroe. I’m sorry. Truly sorry for everything. My whole life has been a shit show of disappointment. I’ve made bad choice after bad choice, and I never wanted to admit they were my own. I didn’t steal the money like I was accused of, but I allowed myself to be put in that situation to take the fall. I was so caught up in giving a big middle finger to the world that I lost mine. I lost you and who I was.”
“Wells, that’s not—.”
I stopped him, placing my finger over his lip. “Ssh, let me talk, Roe.” I didn’t miss the way his body shuddered at my touch or how I’d inched ever so microscopically closer, brushing our lower halves together.
“I did. I lost you and wasted so many years being angry at the world instead of who I should’ve been angry at, myself. I let fear control me, greed consume me, and failure ruin me. I don’t deserve you. To be honest, I never have. But I want you, Roe. So damn much. I need you in my life for so many reasons. To remind me of the person I can be, the person you see me as. Please give me another chance to show you.”
My walls were down, and it was the most vulnerable I’d been in my entire life, and maybe that was why it hurt the most when his eyes shut, a shudder wracking his entire body, and I knew I’d lost him.