"I'm having a hard time picturing that being the same Wells."
"Yeah, well, things have changed for him even more since then. It's not my place to say, it's his story, but he's not the person he outwardly presents."
"I'll have to take your word for it," I uttered in disbelief. But a part of me knew he was telling the truth. I'd seen glimpses of a different man, but they were so fleeting, it was hard to trust them.
"One weekend, I'd asked him to stay over since Brittni was away on one of her girl'sweekends. I'd finally decided to file for divorce and wanted to share it with Wells. Before I could, though, he dropped a huge bomb on me. He disclosed all the shit he'd been going through at work and then confessed, he, uh," he paused, his blush rising. "He told me he loved me, was in love with me. He kissed me, and for one fleeting moment, everything was perfect bliss." Monroe's voice hitched, the joy replaced by pain. "Until it wasn't."
"Okay, you're officially the worst storyteller. Just tell me already, I'm dying here," I grumbled, my patience having worn thin for the good stuff. Chuckling low, Monroe gave me a wry smile.
"Sorry, Lo. It was during that perfect moment Brittni came home early. I guess her guest for the weekend got food poisoning or something. She walked in on us kissing. She started cussing and screaming, and of course, Wells bolted. The next day was hell for both of us. Brittni filed for divorce, claiming I cheated, and Wells, well he lost everything. For one moment, I felt like I had the world in the palm of my hand, and then it was as if life remembered it was me, and squeezed it until it became a deflated balloon. I was left empty and alone, a discarded party favor."
"That's horrible, Monroe. But what does it mean? Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I want to do things differently in my life this time around. I made the mistake of not putting value to what I had with him, and I hid it. Brittni is trying to use it against me now."
"That's moronic."
"Yeah, I know." He smiled, emboldened by my accusation toward Brittni. "But for whatever reason, she thinks people will care I'm bisexual. Jokes on her, though, because I kept evidence the whole year of her infidelity. I buried it last time to protect Levi, and I still got the divorce I wanted. I'd been heartbroken over Wells as it was, so I didn't have it in me to fight her."
"And now?"
"Now, if she tries to come at me, I'll take her down. I just don't want you to be collateral damage or to be blindsided by anything she might try to spring on you. I care about you, and I want things to keep moving, wherever that takes us." He smiled, a sense of relief on his face at sharing everything with me.
Part of me was glad he had disclosed his worries to me. It indicated a closeness developing between us and a level of trust. We were inviting each other into our worlds and sharing our troubles. There was just one thing bothering me.
"I just have one question," I hesitated, unsure how to ask it.
"Of course, Lo. Anything."
"What happens when Wells decides he loves you again. Where does that leave us?"
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
"I want to give you the answer you want to hear, but the truth is that I don't know. You're the first person outside of him I've felt this deep of a connection with. Whether it means anything in a month, a year, I don't know. I decided I wasn't going to live my life waiting for something that might never happen with him. Until the other night, I hadn't heard from him in over six months. Before that, a year, and then even longer. There's a deep history there, but there's also deep pain. There's a lot of things that need to happen before him and I could ever be anything."
"So, am I a consolation prize? The one waiting in the wings until he does redeem himself?"
"No, no, no, of course not," he panicked, sitting up. "Shit, I'm not explaining this well. Loren, I'm going to be real with you, okay?"
Nodding, I held my breath to what ‘being real' meant, preparing myself for the inevitable pain.
"If Wells came to me today and said he was ready to finally be together after twenty years of dancing around it, I would without a doubt tell him yes. I won't deny that. I—"
"I wouldn't want you to. I just don't think I fit into this picture."
"You didn't let me finish."
Sighing, I waved my hand in a 'get on with it then' gesture, and sat back against the couch, wrapping my arms around me now. I couldn't touch him, not when he was breaking my heart a tiny bit.
"Loren, look at me, please?"
The anguish in his voice had me lifting my eyes to his. I hadn't expected it. I know I was being petty and closing myself off. He'd been open with me, and I was punishing him for it. But in that space, I couldn't hold his feelings anymore without letting mine leak out too. I had to protect myself now.
"You swept into my world like a beautiful breeze. Your brokenness calling to my own. I saw myself in you, and I felt a connection instantly. You make me excited to get out of bed in the morning just to get a glimpse of you in the hall. Our morning races to the elevator, our nonverbal fights over the corner spot, and the small glimpses of your heart when you think no one is looking had me smitten before we even shared words with one another. I didn't talk to you only to have a convenient fuck buddy across the hall. I didn't introduce you to Levi just to yank you into my life on a whim. I'm not telling you this now to push you away. I'm coming to you as a man with my heart in my hands, showing you all my scars and asking you to give me a chance."
Damn. The man had word game.