I unlock the door and step inside before heading down the hall and into my bedroom. I drop my bags onto the bed and walk over to the dresser, resting my hands on top of it. I let my head fall back as tears stream down my cheeks. What am I doing? How am I going to do this? I’ve been with him all this time, and he doesn’t want more. I don’t know how to process all of this. I don’t know how to feel or what I’m supposed to feel other than confusion. One second he wants me, and the next, he doesn’t.
“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I hear him say. I turn to face him, letting him see what he’s doing to me. Let him see he’s tearing me apart inside. Then he walks over and wipes the tears from my face before stripping us both out of our clothes. He walks over and removes the bags from the bed, setting them on the floor before motioning for me to come to him. I walk over slowly, unsure what to do now when he pulls the blankets back and ushers me into the bed. He climbs in behind me and pulls me against his chest. I can feel how hard he is, but he doesn’t make a move to touch me.
Slowly I close my eyes and fall asleep.
When I wake, the bed is empty, and I know he’s gone. I should have seen that coming. I should have known he wasn’t going to be here.
In my mind, I know it’s for the best, but that does little to ease the ache in my chest.
It’s strange waking up without him. We’ve been together for some time, and it’s all been taken away again.
“Morning!” Christy pops into the room as I bury my face in the pillow. It still smells like him. “Are you getting up? I want to go shopping.” Feeling the bed shift, I know she sat down. Sighing, I turn my head.
“I don’t want to shop. I just need sleep.” I hear her sigh. I truly don’t want to go shopping. In fact, I’d rather mope around my room all day.
“I don’t give a shit what you want. We’re going.” Slapping at me, I roll over to face her.
“Sky, what’s wrong?” The tears staining my cheeks give away my mood. I can’t help what I feel.
“I’m confused, Christy. I don’t know what to do with myself.” Pulling me into a hug, I gladly fall into her embrace. My head wants to explode with all the things running through it. Justice consumes most of my headspace.
“I know you’ve been through a lot. I also know you spent every waking hour with him, Sky. You have to find a way to push past him and move forward.” She’s right.
“Where are we shopping?” Christy squeals in my ear before bouncing off the bed.
“Everywhere! We are having retail therapy!” I smile as my best friend bounces out of my room.
As much as I want to protest, I know she only wants what’s best for me.
Pulling myself out of bed, I see a piece of paper on the nightstand. I grab it, unfolding it to read what’s written, shattering my heart.
Skylar,
I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. I’ve never thought about finding someone. When you stepped into my club, I knew there was more to you. I’m sorry I can’t be what you need in life. I’m damaged, and I don’t know if there is any way to repair that. Being with you has brought me more joy than I have felt in a long time. Believe me when I say that I never wanted to let that go. I’ll hold a place for you in my heart. You need to find out who you are without me as I do the same. I’ll make good on my end of the deal, though. I don’t think I have it in me anymore to be the one in control. My life is out of control. Just know if there is ever anything you need, I’ll always be here. You know how to find me.
You hold my heart, Skylar.
Justice.