When Shep turned to face me, the pained look in his eyes almost brought me to my knees.
“What the fuck, Cam?” he yelled, nostrils flaring.
My heartbeat pounded double-time. I hated what I’d done to him, but this situation wasn’t all my fault. I was angry with him, too.
“What was I supposed to do?” I snapped. “I can’t sit around while a bunch of assassins go after Justin!”
He jabbed his index finger in my direction. “We had a deal. You were meant to sit tight while Ben got your brother.”
“No,youmade the deal!” I yelled, stabbing a finger right back at him. The chain and cuffs jangled at my wrist. “I couldn’t stand to wait around any longer. And there was no point arguing my case because you made it clear last night you weren’t willing to consider any other alternatives.” I shook my head. “You forced me into this.”
Shep jerked backwards, the insult hitting true. “Everything I’ve done has been to protect you, since you’re unwilling to do it for yourself.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Are we back to that bullshit? Because last I checked, this ismylife.” I took slow steps toward him, my anger surging. “You keep me holed up here and take away my freedom to choose how to deal with my problems. You say it’s dangerous, and I get that, but I’m a grown adult, and it’s my life to risk. My choice to make.” My chest heaved as I struggled to contain my frustration. “You’re such a goddamn hypocrite. You put yourself in danger to help me, even when I was no one to you. Yet you won’t let me do the same for my brother. My last remaining family. My flesh and blood!”
In full bossy, overprotective mode, Shep folded his arms and widened his stance. “Because you never would’ve made it to him without Franky finding out you’re still alive.”
“You don’t know that.” I shook my head. “I might not have the skills you do, but I’m not helpless, and I’m not a fool.”
“It was a suicide mission. And have you forgotten that there are consequences for me if Franky finds out I didn’t kill you? There’ll be a contract on me too.”
Shame swept through me because he was right. “I… I hadn’t thought about that.”
I’d been so caught up in my desperation to help Justin that I’d overlooked the risk to Shep. Oh God. How could I have been so thoughtless? If anything had happened to him because of what I’d done, I didn’t know how I could live with that.
He raked a hand through his hair and glanced away before returning his gaze to mine. “Look, I can handle Franky and his men if they come after me, but it will be tough to do that and keep you safe at the same time.”
The thought of him defending himself against the Mob while still trying to protect my troublesome ass sent a fresh wave of guilt through me. He must wish he’d never set eyes on my contract.
Shep rested his hands on his hips and stared me down. “And you put yourself at risk for nothing. Ben called while I was on my way to town. Accepted the offer. He’s already located your brother and is working on an extraction plan.”
The overwhelming relief at hearing those words almost made my legs buckle. “He is?”
He said no more, he didn’t need to. The working of his jaw told me how pissed he was. Shep had been right about Ben. That made my escape attempt look stupid, but I still stood by my decision. I couldn’t have known Ben was going to accept the offer, not when he’d taken so long to do so.
“When we’d heard nothing from him this morning, I thought…” I swallowed with difficulty. “I thought we were on our own. You said you didn’t know if he’d accept your offer. The contract was live. The clock was already ticking. How long was I supposed to wait for Ben to respond? One day? Two? Justin might be dead by then.”
“You could’ve had a little faith in me.”
“Yes, but I was scared. You don’t understand how hard it was deciding to leave. I never wanted things to go like this.” Tears blurred in my eyes. I took a step toward him.
He held up one hand. “I don’t want to hear it. And don’t you cry on me now, acting like you’re sorry for what you’ve done.” His hazel eyes narrowed. “I trusted you, and you played me. You were damn convincing about it, too. And I’m not only talking about sending me to town on a fool’s errand. I know you’ve been working on me to drop my guard since you got here.” His bitter laugh cut me to my core. “I can’t believe I fell for it. You asking me all those personal questions, pretending like you wanted to know me, even letting me sleep with you last night. The entire time making me think we were… that you really…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m such a fucking fool.”
With arms outstretched, I moved toward him. “No, it’s not like that. I swear!”
“Don’t! I can’t do this with you right now.” He stormed to the back of the house.
“Shep, wait!” I called after him, but he didn’t stop. Instead, he went to his bedroom and slammed the door with enough force that the entire cabin shook.
I remained there, deciding he needed time to cool off but desperate to tell him how wrong he was. It hurt that he thought I was capable of that, but what did I expect? Of course, he’d think I was an untrustworthy bitch after the stunt I pulled.
I removed the cap and jacket, tossing them on the dining table before slumping into a chair. Leaning forward, I covered my face with my hands. What had I done? My heart ached with how much I’d hurt Shep. I’d ruined this thing between us and wanted to make it right again. Would I have enough time before I got on that plane? I could spend my entire life regretting this day. What a fucking mess.
I eyed the shopping bags on the table. There were a lot of them, but my list hadn’t been long. Curiosity got the better of me, so I snooped. I sighed and closed my eyes. All of it was for me. A warm jacket, hiking boots, thermals, socks, sweaters, jeans, t-shirts, even underwear. He’d done a good job of choosing casual clothes that suited me and would fit.
More bags were filled with puzzles, board games, and an adult coloring book with markers. Activities for me to pass the time when Shep was busy, and things we could do together.
There were a bunch of candy bars and six tubs of semi-melted ice cream in different flavors as though he was unsure which ones I’d like and didn’t want to disappoint me. I pressed a hand to my aching chest.
Other bags contained a range of books, magazines, hairbrushes, soaps, lotions, and the tampons I’d asked for.
When I checked the last bag and found a large shoe box, I drew in a sharp breath. I recognized the label. These must have cost a fortune. I opened the lid and one hand flew to my mouth. Cowboy boots. Similar to my favorite ones that I wore every day back home except much better quality. The smell of tan leather filled my nose as I ran my fingers over the intricate aqua stitching in the shape of wings up the side of each boot. They were incredible.
I rubbed my eyes so hard I saw stars, the damn chain and cuffs still dangling from my wrist.“Fuck.” The sourness in my stomach intensified. How the hell could I fix this?
Water pipes groaned when the shower came on. I laid on the sofa and curled into a ball. Ranger jumped up next to me and I drew him closer, needing his comfort more than ever.