16
Cameron
Shepenteredthelivingroom wearing faded blue jeans and a black T-shirt, his still-wet hair combed back and his face clean shaven. I almost groaned at how gorgeous he looked.
Now he hated me and was so far out of my reach I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to bring him back.
Without making eye contact, he shifted the coffee table back to its original position and sat on it. I had the urge to lean toward him and inhale his soapy scent. Didn’t think he’d appreciate that.
He pulled the handcuff keys from his pocket. “Here, let’s get these off you.” It surprised me to find no anger in his tone.
Shep removed the cuffs and chain. When his gaze met mine, a fresh wave of melancholy hit me. He looked like a broken man. The light that had shone from his eyes these last few days was gone, replaced with a coldness I hadn’t seen in them since I first arrived. Even though Shep sat right in front of me, I missed him because this wasn’t the same man I’d woken up next to this morning.
I shook my head. “Please, let me explain. I never wanted to hurt—”
“Wait.” Shep held up a hand. “I’ve been thinking, and there are some things I need to say. You know I’m not great with this sort of thing, so hear me out for a minute.”
I nodded, nervous as hell at what he might be about to tell me.
He hesitated with his words and instead focused on twisting the leather band at his wrist. Then his crestfallen eyes came to mine. “I don’t regret deceiving Franky and bringing you here. But you’re right. I shouldn’t have chained you up and held you against your will.” He rolled his shoulders and gazed out the window as if those mountains held answers. “Too many years living the way I have, it’s fucked with my head. Sometimes I don’t even know what’s right or wrong anymore. Those lines are so blurred that I won’t ever be… normal again.”
God, I hated seeing him struggle with this.
His focus returned to me. “What I’m trying to say is, you should have had a choice to stay or not, and I’m sorry I never gave that to you.” Shep’s throat bobbed. “When Ben has your brother, I’ll send you to him. I’ll get you a car, cash, whatever you need to give you the best chance possible. I don’t think it’s a good move for you to leave here, but I’m giving you the choice to decide where you go and how you do it. The choice I should have given you at the start of all this.”
I stared at him in stunned silence. That wasn’t what I expected him to say. Perhaps more accusations about my behavior, or him renewing his stance on keeping me here, but not my freedom and the means to do whatever I wanted.
“Thank you.” It couldn’t have been easy for him to arrive at that decision, not after the way I’d treated him.
“So, take some time to think about it and let me know what you need.”
He stood to leave, so I grabbed his hand. “Wait. I already know what I need. I don’t have to think about it.”
He resisted, but I held on tight and pulled him back to sitting.
“There’s only one thing.” I squeezed hard. “I needyou.”
Shep clicked his tongue. “Cam, don’t do this.”
“You’ve said your piece, now it’s my turn.”
I took his exasperated sigh as my cue to continue.
“You’re wrong about me. I haven’t been playing you. Except for what I did today, my words and actions have been genuine the whole time.”
He held my stare, but seemed unconvinced. I expected that, so I drew a deep breath because it was time to come clean. No more holding back. If I had any hope of salvaging things between us, I needed to be honest. With Shep and with myself.
“I can’t describe the whirlwind of emotions I’ve struggled with since you brought me here. Fearing for my life, learning about my hit contract and worrying about Justin non-stop has been really fucking hard. The weight on my shoulders should have broken me ten times over. But it hasn’t… because of you. And even though my whole world is falling apart around me, there are moments shining through where I’m… happy.” An incredulous laugh escaped me. “That shouldn’t be possible. I should be a non-functioning ball of fear and anxiety.”
I licked my dry lips. “Being here hasn’t gone at all like I thought. I didn’t expect your generosity, and I sure as hell never imagined I’d enjoy your company so much. I think maybe you’re surprised by how well we get along, too.”
A slight shrug was the only acknowledgment I received.
“I like it here. The quiet, the space. I adore Ranger.” The pointer, still on the couch beside me, lifted his head at hearing his name, so I scratched his neck.
I gazed deep into Shep’s eyes. “And then there’s you.” My throat tightened as I considered what this man meant to me. “I never dreamed of finding someone like you among all of this. You’re important to me, and not only because you saved my life. I’m talking about the complete package. You think you’re a bad person. You’re not. Yes, you’ve done things that are messed up. And I know you’ve been living in a dark place, but I see who you are beyond that. I see the real you, Shep. A man who is considerate and kind and so damn sweet sometimes it makes my heart melt. When I’m with you I feel safe and cherished, and I can’t remember the last time I experienced that, or if I ever have.” My voice quavered. “You make me stronger and you give me hope that I’ll get through the toughest time of my life.”
Shep adjusted his position, shifting his body closer to mine. I did the same because I ached to touch him. Our knees bumped, and I stretched my hands out to grip his thighs.