Chapter 9
Seconds later as they all sat up, Stuart’s frame filled the doorway to the bedroom. He said nothing for a few seconds, but his chest was heaving and his hands were fisted. Finally, he reached up, grabbed the doorknob, and yanked the door closed.
The doors in the apartment weren’t thick enough to block out his loud grumbling as he walked away. She caught the gist. Something about shutting the fucking door if they were going to be fucking in his fucking apartment.
Ariel shoved away from the bed and slid off the end, yanked the door back open, and stomped into the main room. She followed Stuart into his room before he could shut the door in her face. “What the hell, Stu?”
He ignored her and headed for his dresser to start pulling his clothes out and tossing them on the bed.
Ariel stepped between him and the bed, blocking him, or at least trying to. She was aware of Kester and Tarin leaning in the doorway, but she focused on Stuart. “Stop it.”
“Get out of my way, Ariel,” he gritted out, not meeting her gaze.
“Why? So you can walk away from us and go hide somewhere?”
“Yep. That’s the plan.” He angled around her to set a pile of shirts on the mattress, carefully avoiding any contact.
She grabbed his arm. “Talk to me.” She tried to keep her voice calm. What she wanted to do was scream at him.
He froze, his chest heaving. “Ariel…” he warned. “Please leave. I don’t want to hurt your feelings or make things awkward. Just go. I’ll get my shit out of here, and you can have the apartment.”
“No.”
He sighed as he pried her fingers off his biceps as gently as possible. “It’s not really your choice, is it?”
“I’m making my choice, Stu. Stop dragging your shit out of the dresser and look at me.”
He faced the dresser instead, braced his hands on it, and pointedly did not look at her. “Ariel, I swear to God. I need you to leave me alone and let this go. Nothing is going to happen between us. I don’t want to join your family unit. I’m trying to be kind, but you have to stop pushing me.”
She eased up behind him, totally uncertain about how wise her actions were. She was confident he wouldn’t physically hurt her though. She set her hands on his back and slid them around him, stepping closer. “Something already did happen between us. It’s done. It happened the day we met. It happened every time we crossed paths. It happened when you went all alpha dominant on me in front of a room full of people. And it certainly happened when you flattened me against the wall and kissed me with so much passion that the world stopped spinning.”
He groaned and hung his head lower.
She wondered if she should ask the other two guys to leave so she could talk to Stu alone, but it didn’t feel right to her. They were a family whether Stu wanted to admit it or not. All four of them should be present while they worked this out once and for all.
“I don’t want this. I don’t want you,” he murmured.
“That’s pure bullshit,” she returned.
He shocked her by spinning around in her arms and grabbing her biceps, finally meeting her gaze. His eyes were drawn together. “We live in an ugly world, Ariel. One in which people die. Good people die all the time. Or they get kidnapped and wish they had died. I don’t let people get close to me because it hurts too much when they die. I can’t protect you. I can’t keep you safe. Especially not when you go off half-cocked above ground to hunt for clothes. Clothes, Ariel. Fucking clothes. Was it worth it? Risking your life for a dress or two?”
She held her tongue while he ranted. This wasn’t about clothes. It went way deeper, and she intended to force him to tell her right now. “Who died, Stu?” she whispered. “Who did you lose? Your parents? I certainly know what that feels like. I lost mine three months ago. I watched as two militants killed them in front of me. It was horrible. Unimaginable. I have nightmares every time I think about it. You’re right. It’s an ugly world. There are no guarantees for a tomorrow, but we have to make the most out of every day. If not, why bother living?”
Tarin sucked in a sharp breath at that last statement, but Ariel didn’t take her gaze off Stuart.
“Who did you lose?” she prompted again.
“Everyone. I lost everyone. Happy?”
“Of course not. I’ll never be happy to hear about someone’s loss. It hurts me to think of other people’s losses. But I wish you would let me be here for you. Let me love you. Let me hold you and feel you and mourn with you and cry with you when you’re sad.”
He shook his head, defiantly still glaring at her. “It’s too painful. I won’t do it again. You have to let me go. Stubborn woman,” he muttered.
She smiled. “Very stubborn. So much so that I’m not going to let you go. Talk to me. Talk to all of us. Like it or not, we’re a family. We need to close ranks and help each other out. That’s all that matters in life.”
He searched her face. “You don’t understand how manic I felt while you were above ground.”
Progress. “We all go above ground sometimes. We can’t live in the bunker forever without any sunlight and fresh oxygen. Raindrops. Snowflakes. Wind. The sound of birds and the rustle of the trees. Life forces.”