She looks smugly satisfied at that description. “So does this mean you’re saying yes? You’ll do it?”
“Yes. I’ll do it. If this is really what you want, then I’d be honored to be your first. It’s not like it’s a hardship to make love to a beautiful woman. As long as you know that you can change your mind at any time and I’ll respect that.”
“I know that, Zack. As if you’d do anything else.” Her eyes are bright as she looks up at me with a sassy smile. “So, should I say thank you?”
“Not yet, brat. You might not be thanking me when you find out some of the dirty things I’ve imagined doing to you.” I let out a sigh of relief that the hardest part of the conversation is over and things don’t seem too awkward yet.
“I can’t wait.” She blushes and then links her arm through mine. “You really want to know why it never happened before?”
“I want to know everything about you.”
“With Gabe, I always followed his lead. He was my crutch. He made me feel safe because he kept me away from everything that scared me. For a long time that was what I needed but now, I want more from life. You don’t make me feel safe.”
“I bet.”
She turns to look at me, her bright eyes shining. “You make me feel alive.”
I have no idea what to say to that or how to handle the sudden urge to pick her up and run off with her. But I can’t do that. The rest of the family will be relieved to see her and we need some distance between us after such an intense conversation. But when she’s looking at me like this, I forget about everything else. It’s unsettling the way she can disrupt my world with one look.
She raises her camera and takes a picture of what must be the most befuddled expression in existence. Because that’s definitely how I feel.
“Come on, we need to get back. Everyone will be really happy to see you.” I glance over at her as we turn around and walk back the way we came. “Did I really just agree to take your virginity?”
Her satisfied expression does funny things to my insides. It makes me think about other things I can do to put that look on her face.
“Yup. And there’s no getting out of it now.”
chapter six
†
JOSIE
The entire walk back to Gabe’s house, I’m convinced the last hour has been a dream. Did Zack seriously just agree to make love to me? The thought scares and excites me. All the things he said and warned me about hang in the back of my mind but the only thing that stands out is that tonight, I’ll finally know what it’s like to be in his arms.
When we reach the house, Zack opens the back door with his key. Debbie looks up when we enter. Her excited screech brings Paula and Sasha rushing into the kitchen, Gabe not far behind.
“Our girl is back! We’ve missed you, honey.”
I’m folded into a warm hug before Paula grabs me, too. “Where have you been? It’s not the same around here without your smiling face.”
“Sorry I stayed away so long. I’ve missed you guys, too.”
Gabe and Sasha watch indulgently as the kitchen becomes a jumble of excited laughter and talking. I glance over at Zack who is leaning against the wall. My breath stops at the look in his eyes but I can’t allow myself to get caught up. Not when his family is right here watching our every move.
The warm welcome drives home his earlier point about how risky this is.
He’s right to be scared of things possibly changing. But no matter how hard you try, nothing stays the same anyway. The earth keeps turning and life goes on. It’ll hurt for sure if I can’t show him how good things could be between us but I have to try. I’ve wanted Zack for so long and I know that I can’t go forever in this state of limbo.
Once things settle down a bit, Sasha speaks up. “I’m glad you’re here, Josie. Maybe these guys won’t be such grumps now.”
Sasha glances over at Zack who mutters a curse under his breath.
The news that Zack was grumpy while I wasn’t around is strangely satisfying. He claims that he doesn’t do relationships or emotions but there’s so much love inside him. I’ve always known it’s there. It’s in the way he’s always been there for me and the tender way he is with his family. He wants everyone to think he doesn’t care about anything but anyone looking can see that isn’t true.
“Anyway, I wanted to make sure you knew about my grand opening party for my new club. It’s in three weeks and I want you all to be there.”
Sasha told me previously about her new jazz club but with everything that’s been going on lately, I hadn’t realized it was opening so soon.