15
Even though I’m not convinced by his we don’t need to talk about it stance, I’m too tired to argue. Having tests done always leaves me feeling a little gloomy and violated. Through my own research I know it’s actually common for cancer patients to develop PTSD from repeated screenings, every single new test making them feel the anxiety of a potential relapse all over again.
It’s funny how I know all this stuff intellectually but it hits you in a different way when it’s happening to you. So I go to my room to change. I decide to take a quick shower before I change into my oldest, comfiest nightshirt. It’s long enough to reach my knees and I definitely don’t feel compelled to wear pants around Vin. No doubt he’ll be all in favor of us both going without.
When I come back out there’s a steaming cup of tea waiting for me.
“Thank you. This is exactly what I needed.”
Vin waves me over to the couch and I settle in next to him, snuggling right under his arm. The events of the morning and the prior sleepless night finally catch up to me. When I wake up, Vin smiles sheepishly.
“Sorry. I was trying not to move and wake you up.”
“It’s okay. Napping during the day is only going to mess up my sleep schedule anyway.” I sit up, stretching out the ache in my back from being cramped in the same position. The television is on and there’s an action movie playing.
And Oreo is asleep at his feet.
My eyes shoot to his in surprise.
“I guess she decided if her mama could trust me, she could too,” he murmurs.
My phone rings from the kitchen pulling my attention from this minor miracle. It’s still in my bag where I dropped it earlier. It stops ringing before I can reach it. I swipe to see who it was.
Missed call: DRAMA MAMA
With a sigh, I drop the phone back in my purse.
Vin looks up when I come back to the couch.
“It was my mom. Probably excuses about why she couldn’t come today. Or more stories about the latest thing my father has done to get on her nerves.”
He grabs my hand. “You don’t owe anyone your attention today. Today is for you.”
Somehow it’s the exact right thing to say. No one would accuse me of being a martyr but I do have a bad habit of trying to make other people comfortable.
My patients at the hospital.
My parents.
My friends.
This is great at work but not so much at home. Maybe it’s okay to spend a little time thinking about what I need. Vin was right that first night we met. I do push people away. But that’s because it seems easier to be alone than deal with being disappointed in people all the time.
“You’re right. I can deal with her tomorrow.”
“Today, we do what you want to do.”
“Anything I want?”
“Of course.”
I swing a leg over his and straddle him. Vin groans and tries to hold my hips away from him.
“Ari, baby. What are you doing?”
“You said we could do anything I want.”
“You want to do that? Now?”