“I enjoyed being with another man because I was pleasing you, and you enjoyed watching another man take and possess what belongs to you. That was my source of pleasure. I can barely recall the physical pleasure he gave me. It was there. I orgasmed. It felt good. I don’t deny that. But my pleasure wasn’t my focus. He didn’t hurt me. I enjoyed the physical aspects. But emotionally, I was only focused on you. And because you looked at me with such warmth, pride and approval, it wouldn’t have mattered who you chose to have sex with me. Because only you matter to me.”
He was incapable of responding, of saying anything at all, so stunned was he by the impact her words had on him. How deeply he felt each and every one of them. He absorbed her impassioned statement, her expression, the sincerity shining brightly in her eyes, and it suddenly felt as though his heart was about to explode out his chest.
“Drake?” she whispered tentatively, her eyes swamped with worry and her lips turned down into an expression of unhappiness. “Did I do or say anything wrong? Are you angry with me?”
His heart about to beat out of his chest, he turned her roughly, spreading her thighs, and as soon as she was on her back, he thrust into her, eliciting a gasp of surprise from her. Just as soon as shock registered in her eyes, it was replaced by a hazy glaze of passion and need.
He withdrew more gently than he’d plunged into her, mindful of how tender she must be after taking on two different men in the span of a few hours, and then surged forward again, burying himself in her silken depths.
He stared fiercely down at her, even as his hips moved back and forth, setting a leisurely pace, but he ached. Down deep where he’d never felt anything, had never allowed anyone close enough to touch that part of him.
“No. Fuck no,” he said forcefully. “Goddamn it, Angel. How the hell do you turn me inside out like this? You have me so twisted up inside that I can’t fucking breathe. Angry with you? Hell no. You think you did something wrong? Nothing you’ve done is wrong. You are everything that is right and perfect and good in my world. Don’t ever think you’ve said or done anything wrong. Until the day you lie to me, I will never have reason to be angry or disappointed with you.”
Already close to going over the edge and losing himself in her silken femininity, he thrust fully into her and remained there, embedded to the hilt, his chest heaving with emotion and need. So much need. It was as if she’d opened an old wound, making it raw again. As if for the first time since his childhood, when he’d learned early to shut himself off to others and feel nothing, he was feeling again. It wasn’t a comfortable sensation. He felt far too exposed and, goddamn it, vulnerable. The very thing he’d lamented her feeling just moments ago.
“I’ll never lie to you, Drake,” she said, her voice, even her expression extremely solemn and sincere. “I’ve given you my unconditional trust, and I’d like very much if you could trust me in the same way. I understand if it’s too soon, if it’s not something you can give me right now. But one day, I hope to gain it, because having you, having your trust, is all I will ever want. Not your money. Social status. Nothing but you and my hope that you’ll have as much faith and trust in me as I do you.”
Ice-cold fear pervaded his chest, momentarily freezing him, rendering him incapable of speech. He trusted few people in his life. Less than ten and all were his brothers. He’d never trusted any woman he’d been with much less had unconditional faith in one. Experience had taught him that the women who flocked to him had no interest in him. Only what he could provide them. But fuck it all. He had to say something to her. He couldn’t lie there and stare at her like a fucking moron.
He could almost feel her slipping through his fingers like running water. Impossible to hold on to. Women, especially a woman like her, who put it all out there, baring her heart and soul made herself vulnerable, open to rejection. She, who was the most honest, sincere person he’d ever known, wouldn’t stay with a man if she didn’t feel as though he would ever return the very things she so unconditionally offered him.
But she seemed to understand the internal war that raged within him. She smiled sweetly, her eyes warm and full of understanding as she placed one finger over his lips.
“I don’t expect you to trust me or have faith in me this instant,” she said, her voice full of all the sweetness that made her the angel she was. His angel. “Trust and faith must be earned and it doesn’t happen overnight. In time it will come. Or it won’t. All I’m telling you is that you have both from me. No conditions. No reservations. No going back. And I hope that one day you can offer me the same unreservedly. I don’t want the words just to placate me, Drake. Words are meaningless. Never give me those words unless you truly mean it. But until such time as you feel those things and demonstrate them, I’ll be here waiting. I’m not going anywhere. Unless you decide you no longer want me.”