Taking a step backwards, she folded her arms protectively around her waist and looked at him coldly. ‘Then say whatever it is and then I want you to leave.’
Ram stared at her in silence.
Her face was pale and shadowed. She was still wearing her dress from last night, and he knew that she must have slept in it, for it was impossibly crumpled now. But he didn’t think she had ever looked more beautiful, or desirable, or determined.
Or that he had ever loved her more.
He stood frozen, his body still with shock. But inside the truth tugged him down and held him fast, like an anchor digging into the seabed.
He loved her.
He hadn’t planned to. Or wanted to. But he knew unquestioningly that it was true.
And, crazy though it sounded, he knew it was the reason he’d broken up with her.
He’d told himself—told her—that he had never wanted to marry or have children. That he wasn’t a good bet. That he would only ruin everything. And all of that had been true.
But it wasn’t the whole truth.
He loved her, and in loving her he couldn’t force her into a marriage of convenience. For, even though she had agreed to be his wife, he knew that she didn’t love him. And he’d seen with his own eyes the damage and misery that kind of relationship could cause. He only had to look at his mother or look in the mirror for proof.
No, he didn’t wanted to trap her—only he couldn’t bear a life without Nola, a life without his child.
But how he could salvage this?
He took a deep breath. ‘I know I’ve messed up. And I know you don’t have any reason to listen to me, let alone forgive me, but I want a second chance. I want us to try again.’
For a moment she couldn’t understand what he was saying, for it made no sense. Only a couple of hours ago he had said that he wanted to break up with her, to go back to his old life, and yet now he was here, asking her for a second chance.
But even as her brain raged against the inconsistency of his words her heart was responding to the desperation in his voice.
Only she couldn’t do this again. Couldn’t start to believe, to hope.
Ignoring the ache in her chest, she shook her head. ‘You gave up on me. And on our baby. Or have you forgotten that you were supposed to announce our engagement last night—?’ She broke off, her voice catching in her throat as pain split her in two.
He took a step towards her, and for the first time it occurred to her that he looked as desperate as he sounded. There were shadows under his eyes and he was trembling all over.
‘I haven’t forgotten, and I’m sorry—’
‘You’re sorry!’
She shook her head. Did he really think that saying sorry was somehow going to make everything right again? If so, she had been right to throw him out.
‘Well, don’t be—I’m not. You know what? I’m glad you broke it off, because there’s something wrong with you. Something that means that every time we get to a place of calm and understanding you have to smash it all to pieces. And I can’t—I don’t want to live like that.’
‘I know, and I don’t want to live like that either.’
He sounded so wretched. But why should she care? In fact she wasn’t going to care, she told herself.
Only it was so hard, for despite her righteous anger she still loved him. But thankfully he would never know that.
‘Then it’s lucky for both of us that we don’t have to,’ she said quickly. ‘As soon as I can get a flight back to Scotland I’m going home.’
She watched as he took a deep breath, and the pain in his eyes tugged at an ache inside her, so that suddenly she could hardly bear looking at his stricken face.
‘But this is your home...’
She shook her head. ‘It’s not my home. It’s a pay-off. A way for you to make yourself feel better. I don’t want it.’