Ram stared at her in silence. The blood was roaring in his ears.
He was losing her. He was losing her.
The words echoed inside his head and he could hardly speak through the grief rising up in his throat. ‘But I want you. And I want to marry you.’
Her heart began to beat faster. It was so tempting to give in, for she knew that right now he believed what he was saying. But now was just a moment in time: it wouldn’t last for ever. And she was done with living in the moment.
Slowly she shook her head. ‘Only because you can’t have me. I don’t know what you want, Ram. But I do know that you can’t just break up with me and then two hours later come and tell me that you want me back and expect everything to be okay again. Maybe if this was a film we could kiss, and then the credits would roll, and everyone in the cinema would go home happy. But we’re not in a film. This is real life, and it doesn’t work like that.’
Tears filled her eyes.
‘You hurt me, Ram...’ she whispered.
‘I know.’
The pain in his voice shocked her.
‘I wish I could go back and change what I did and what I said. I panicked. When I went to find my mother she told me not to make the same mistake that she had. That relationships can’t be forced. That they need love. That’s why I couldn’t go through with it.’
She nodded. ‘Because you don’t love me—I know,’ she said dully.
‘No!’ He let out a ragged breath. ‘I broke up with you because I do love you, Nola, and I didn’t want to trap you in a marriage that you didn’t want. That you never wanted.’
He took a step towards her, his hands gripping her arms, his eyes glittering not with tears but with passion.
‘I love you, and that’s why I want to marry you. Not out of duty, or because I want the baby to have my name. But I know you don’t love me, and I’ve hurt you so much already. Only I couldn’t just walk away. I tried, but I couldn’t do it. That’s why I came back—’
He stopped. There were tears in her eyes.
Only she was smiling.
‘You love me? You love me?’
He stared at her uncertainly, his eyes burning, wishing there was another way to tell her that—to make her believe. But even before he’d started to nod she was pressing her hand against her mouth, as though that would somehow stop the tears spilling from her eyes.
‘You’re so smart, Ram. Easily the smartest person I’ve ever met. But you’re also the stupidest. Why do think I agreed to marry you?’
‘I don’t know...’ he whispered.
‘Because I love you, of course.’
Gazing up into his face, Nola felt her heart almost stop beating as she saw that he too was crying.
‘Why would you ever love me?’
His voice broke apart and she felt the crack inside her deepen as his mouth twisted in pain.
‘How could you love me? After everything I’ve said and done? After how I’ve behaved?’
‘I don’t know.’ She bit her lip. ‘I didn’t want to. And it scares me that I do. But I can’t help it. I love you.’ Her mouth trembled. ‘I love you and I still want to marry you.’
His hands tightened around her arms, his eyes searching her face. ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to trap you. I don’t want to be that kind of man—that kind of husband, that kind of father.’
Her heart began to beat faster. ‘You’re not. Not anymore. I don’t think you ever were.’
Breathing out unsteadily, he pulled her close, smoothing the tears away from her face. ‘Your parents married because it was the next step,’ he said slowly. ‘My mother married Guy out of desperation. They didn’t think about what they were doing...it just happened. But we’re different. We’ve fought to be together, and our marriage is going to work just fine.’
She breathed out shakily. ‘How do you know?’