“Fuck.” My bedroom window is shut. That means my mother has been in during the morning and closed it. So, I can’t act like I have been sleeping there all night long. I need an excuse and I need one quick… like I’m a freaking kid. God damn it, I really do need to move out, don’t I? Why haven’t I done that yet?
I suck in a deep breath and lean my head against the door to listen to what sounds I can hear in there. If my mother is in a full-on rage, I will be able to hear it. Then it might be time for me to run away. I don’t know where I will go, but it won’t be here. Maybe I will head to Ivy’s place to see how she’s spending Christmas Day. Probably in a romantic embrace with Adam, not wanting to be disturbed by my problems.
No, there doesn’t seem to be anything going on in there. I don’t think there is any anger. That’s good. I mean, I’m sure there will be something… I’m not going to get away with this scot free, am I?
Despite the knowledge that I have already been caught out already, I try to creep inside anyway. I open the door open practically in silence and I try to creep through the hallway… but there she is. My mother with her hands on her hips glaring at me like I have burned her with hot coals or something.
“Where have you been?” she growls. “Out all night and you haven’t even sent a text.”
“Yeah, sorry, Mom. My phone died, so I didn’t get a chance. I stayed at Ivy’s though after the carnival.”
“You did, huh?” She cocks her head to one side as if she doesn’t believe me, which is fair because I am lying. I have always had to lie. When I was younger and I used to sleep over at Seth’s I would tell him that my mother didn’t mind because she knew that we were just friends, but in reality, she didn’t know. I got good at hiding myself. But even if I had to lie then, I shouldn’t have to now at twenty six. Yet, I do. I don’t give up the lying because it makes my existence easier. “You slept over at Ivy’s place on Christmas Eve?”
This makes me want to blurt out and yell, to tell her that no, actually I have been up all night having wild sex… having a three some, having an orgy, anything to really shock her, but I don’t. It isn’t worth it. It will just cause a riff to go on for the rest of my life and I don’t want that. Even if I move out, it isn’t something that I want to do on bad terms. I just want it to be a normal, family relationship.
“I did, Mom. She doesn’t have kids or any family to see on Christmas Day, so it wasn’t a problem.”
“Well it’s a problem for me. I want to know where you are on Christmas Day. I haven’t even started Christmas dinner because I have been so worried about you. And I should be, shouldn’t I? Because look at the state of you. Look at you all messy and in your clothing from last night. No shoes as well. Where are your shoes?”
“I left them at Ivy’s because they were h
urting my feet.” Not my best improvisation, but it’s out there now so I don’t really have any choice but to go with it. “I was getting a cab, so it seemed like the best way…”
“Your life decisions are terrible.” Mom tuts and shakes her head at me. “I can’t even imagine what is going on inside your head right now. It’s ridiculous. I don’t recognize you at the moment. You are not my daughter, I feel like I’m losing you.”
I can almost see the moment that her eyes clock the diamond necklace, and I immediately regret not taking it off. There is no way she is going to let this one go. She’s going to drive this forever.
“What the hell is that? Is it costume jewelry or something? It looks terrible on you.”
That stings. It hurts my heart, but I try my hardest not to let it show. “It’s real, Mom. Real diamonds.”
“And who the hell did you steal that from, because there is no way that your make up line bought it for you. It isn’t doing anything, is it?” She sneers nastily. “So, what the hell happened? I need an explanation.”
I struggle to keep my curse words inside as I decide to go for the truth with this one. “Seth Bishop, you know the boy from next door who went to star in all of those movies, he got it for me.”
“He’s back?” Instead of taking this as something nice, Mom glowers at me. I thought that she might be accepting of the boy who used to be my friend, but even this seems to be a dig at me. “Since when?”
“A few days ago.” I shrug my shoulders in a blasé manner. “But I’m sure that it won’t be forever.”
“It better not be. I don’t want to deal with his sort around here.”
“His sort?” Good Lord, what the fuck is she talking about now. “What the hell does that mean? Seth has always lived next door to us, even from the very first moment that we moved in, and you never seemed to have an issue then. So, why would you all of a sudden say that about him? It isn’t right.”
“Because he isn’t the same person anymore.” Why does everyone keep telling me that? When I’m with him he doesn’t seem any different to me. “He’s a disgusting piece of trash now. Like all the other celebrities. He picks up women and drops them, as soon as he can without looking back at all.”
I really want to make a sarcastic comment about being more into celebrity gossip that she has ever let on, but I am already exhausted with this conversation. Maybe I should take everyone telling me that Seth has changed as a warning and keep away from him, but all I can really think about is digging my heels in the sand because I’m the only one who can really see him. It makes me want to cling on to him more, to keep him as my own. It might not be the smartest move that I have ever made in life, but that doesn’t make it the wrong one.
“Mom,” I sigh loudly. “I don’t want to fight on Christmas Day, so can we just forget about this please? I will have a shower, then we can have a nice time together, okay?”
She doesn’t look convinced, but at least she nods and agrees with me. That’s something.
Chapter Thirteen
Seth
December 26th
A sober Christmas Day with my father isn’t how I was expecting to spend it, but it was amazing. We had a really great time chatting and eating, having fun and reminiscing. We even watched some old family movies of when I was a kid, and we laughed over our old shared memories. It was great, I loved it. It made me feel even better about my decision to come back home. I now definitely will come back every single year.