I’d tried that before and he almost ripped off my head. No, thanks.
I pulled out my phone, sitting my ass on one of the foldout chairs surrounding the bonfire, ignoring everyone and their relaxed conversations and laughter. Usually I was the life of the party, joking around with everyone with a girl on my lap, gaze staying close to Ivy, who would be hanging with Becca or Casey somewhere in the distance.
But that wasn’t the case tonight. She was with Andy and I was not joking with anyone. I was pissed off and uncomfortable. Like there was a pit in my lower stomach, growing larger and larger with each crackle of the fire.
My head twitched when I heard a soft, familiar laugh a few feet away, but instead of looking in her direction, I stared down at the tweets lining my phone screen.
The very first one made me cringe.
Emmett @emmett09 – 6 h
Don’t drink and drive. But if u do, make sure you live in a small town with hella chill cops. #smalltownperks
Then the next one.
Emmett @emmett09 – 4 h
I can’t believe I’m saying this but I can’t fucking wait to get out of this hellhole town. #fuckingparents
I blew out a long breath, feeling tension crawl over my shoulders. Why the fuck was my brother doing this shit? Sure, my parents were kind of neglectful, but Jesus. He was turning out to be a fuckup and I hated that because I used to look up to him. He used to be my hero.
I pressed my hand against my chest, feeling a pain wedge itself deep within. I was a junior in high school and here I was fucking worried about my brother getting into even more trouble and my parents investing so much time into their insane competitiveness to make more money than the other that they didn’t even realize how messed up he really was.
And, the only person who could make me feel better was sitting five feet away with a dumbass baseball player. Ivy was like my cushion. She was my comfort, she was the one who could smile in my direction and make my worry fall away. I didn’t want to ruin that.
I couldn’t ruin that.
I couldn’t afford to ruin that.
I’d rather have her as my best friend than fuck everything up by trying to be her boyfriend. I would mess shit up, because let’s get real – I had no fucking clue how to be a boyfriend, and then our friendship would fade faster than the fucking sunset.
Jess’s soft voice wafted around me at the same time her arms wrapped around my neck. “Hey, wanna go inside?”
I cringed.
I openly cringed. Shit.
Her voice made my skin crawl. Her skin on mine irked me so badly I wanted to throw her arms off my shoulders.
I couldn’t get Ivy’s green eyes out of my head, or the way her breath felt against my mouth. If I’d just leaned in a fraction and kissed her… what would have happened? I mean, there had been times that she’d wandered into my deepest dreams, taking a hold of my heart, but I’d eventually wake up and shake it off. And there had been times that I physically couldn’t help but touch her but I just chalked it up to… being extra friendly. Friends flirt, right? I was realizing pretty fucking fast that I’d been lying to myself over and over again. Like the near-kiss from earlier was untying those knots I’d so carefully tied around my deepest wants. And top that off with seeing her with Andy… it drove me fucking nuts. There was no tying up loose seams. There was no denying what I felt.
I think it was particularly driving me mad right now because she actually looked as if she was truly into him. She wasn’t like this with Tyler. If anything, he annoyed her. She told me about all the things that irritated her when they were dating, as if she wasn’t that into him but watching her eyes light up as she stared at Andy’s angular face…holy fuck.
“No,” I said harshly. Jess’s arms unwrapped themselves from around my body quickly and I heard her gasp.
Max snapped his head over to me because he knew me almost as well as Ivy did. He knew something was up if I was denying a girl.
I briskly stood up, my chair falling backwards, landing with a soft thud on the grassy ground. My head turned slightly to the right and I saw Ivy staring at me with confusion and worry written all over her face.
The red and orange tint of the bonfire danced along her high cheekbones and she appeared even more alluring than before. Her eyes scrunched and her mouth puckered, highlighting those kissable lips.
I was so close to walking over to her and dragging her off with me, but then my eyes flickered to Andy standing behind her, who was eyeing me with severe suspicion. For just a second, I pictured myself leaping over the remaining chairs in between us, like a real-life Superman and plummeting my fist onto his face, but I quickly brushed it off.
Turning away from Ivy and her pounding stare, I stomped past Jess’s stricken expression and snatched Max’s cup out of his hand, heading off towards the woods.
I just needed to be the fuck alone.
Chapter Five