He continued. “So you know we have to tell Mom and Dad about this, and I know that Anna will do the same. I promise to do my best to make sure that this doesn’t spread too far but the only way that’s going to happen is if you let people help you. And I swear to God, if you even think of taking off with Ty, I will hunt you down myself and drag you back here. You’ll be locked in a room until the Kid is old enough to make decisions for himself. Only then would I consider letting you go. Do we understand each other?”
I didn’t move, didn’t say anything.
He had a pained expression on his face, and he reached out and grabbed my good hand. “Bear, you have to promise me we’ll work this out. Together. We’re not moving from this spot until you promise me.”
I didn’t know what to say to Otter. No one had ever talked to me like that before, and I was angry and hurt. Subdued. But for a moment there, didn’t I feel like I was worth something? Didn’t the weight of his hand, the words he had spoken, make me feel warm? I felt the heat rise to my face, and I looked down at our hands, and felt another tear slip from my eye. What is going on? I thought frantically.
“Bear?”
“I promise,” I said, my voice breaking, and he leapt up from the table and pulled me to him again. He crushed me into him, and I wanted to crawl inside of him and disappear. I tried to make myself smaller as he rocked me back and forth saying, “I know. I know. I know.”
And I believed him.
WHEN I finally felt okay enough to let Otter go, he put his arm around my shoulders and walked me back out into the living room. Anna and Creed sat where we had before, whispering
back and forth. They heard us entering and stopped in mid-sentence. I tried not to think about what they had been saying, knowing I would probably get mad again, and then Otter would go for round two. He dropped his arm from my shoulders and stood next to me, waiting for me to speak.
“I’m… sorry,” I said, looking down at the floor. I didn’t know what else to say.
Otter took that as his cue. “Bear has had a change of heart. He knows we’re only looking out for him. But this only goes as far as it needs to. I don’t know how we’re going to keep a lid on this forever, but we’ll have to do our best while we can.”
Creed nodded and Anna stood. She walked over to me and grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward her room. I started to beg off, but Otter pushed me away, telling me he would keep an eye out on Ty. I looked back into his eyes and saw something there, something I couldn’t quite make out. He caught me watching him and smiled that Otter smile. Then I was around the corner, and he vanished from my sight.
Anna didn’t speak as she pulled me into the doorway of her room. She made sure I was through and shut the door behind us. She turned off the lights and began to take off my clothes. I knew what she was doing, and I didn’t want to stop her. I needed to feel close to someone right then, feel them hold me, feel their heart against mine. For just a few moments, I needed to forget about the aches, forget about the future, forget about the past. If this was going to be my last moment of freedom, I knew I needed to let it all out of me. As I entered her, I saw stars exploding all around me, and they were bright, and they were loud.
But there was still something nagging at back of my mind. Something about him.
A COUPLE of hours later, Anna lay asleep beside me, curled up into a ball at my shoulder. I couldn’t sleep. The weight of the world had fallen back against my shoulders, and I wasn’t able to push it away to let sleep come. I grew restless and, moving so as not to wake up my girlfriend, I pushed myself out of the bed and closed the door behind me.
The house was dark, and I bumped my way into the living room. I didn’t see anyone there except for Ty, who was illuminated by the moonlight pouring in softly from the window. I thought that Otter and Creed had gone home, and I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. I told myself it was because I was hoping that they were as awake as I was. I hoped that at least Otter was still—
I heard a chuckle from off to my left. I looked over and saw him sitting on the ground, his back to the wall. “Feel any better?” he asked me.
I shrugged and went over and sat on the floor next to Ty. I pushed away a lock of hair that had fallen onto his face. I knew, like I had just had, that this was going to be his last bit of innocence. When he woke up, there would be questions, questions I still didn’t know the answer to. I hadn’t heard Otter move, but the next time he spoke, it came from right beside me.
“He’s a good kid,” he said. “You’ll do right by him. I’ve known you since you were almost his age, and you turned out okay, and you didn’t have anyone like he does.”
“I had Creed and your parents. I had Anna.” I paused, considering. “I had you.”
I heard him laugh again. “Yeah, I guess you did. And you turned out okay despite even that.”
“Where’s Creed?”
“He went to sleep in the guest room. Apparently he can’t sleep on the floor even for one damn night.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
I felt him shrug as he was now sitting down next to me. “I told you I would watch him. I meant it.”
I bumped my shoulder into him. “Thanks.”
He bumped me back. “You’re welcome.”
We sat there for a while, listening to Ty’s breathing, not saying anything. I finally felt myself growing tired, and Otter saw my head nod and told me to go back to bed. He would stay out there tonight. I shook my head.
“I shouldn’t,” I said. “I need to be here when Ty wakes up. If this is going to happen tomorrow like I think it is, then he needs to see me right away.”
“Okay, Bear. Do you know where Anna keeps any pillows or extra blankets?”