I put my arms around Jude because it was the right thing to do. I felt nothing. De-sensitized from everything.
“Freya wants you and Leah to go to her,” Jude said, wiping his eyes then holding me tightly again. “As soon as you can.”
I nodded. “Of course. I’ll… I’ll get dressed.”
It was selfish but I needed to be away from him for a minute until what he’d said fully sunk in. Refusing to look at him I gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and headed into the bathroom to freshen up.
After locking the door, I leaned back against it, and again I saw my mom and dad, dead and dying. A shiver rippled down my spine. When I was a kid, I had so many nightmares, especially about my mom. Sometimes I’d dream about her hanging from the light fitting, when suddenly her eyes would open and she’d tell me I wasn’t worth staying around for. Sometimes, in my dreams, she’d move around, still attached to the ceiling, dancing around like a morbid puppet. I never understood that particular dream. I’d completely forgotten until Jude told me Will was dead, and every death I’d experienced rushed back to me.
But this wasn’t about my parents. This was about Will. The guy who had finally made one of my best friends complete. Who had been the happiest he’d ever been when he was with her. Just when they both had everything they always wanted, his life was snatched away.
So why wasn’t I crying?
Quit being so self-involved and get ready. Freya needs you. Jude needs you.
I didn’t want to be needed, though. I wanted to… I don’t know… go shopping or swimming or… anything so I didn’t have to think about what was happening. I kept hearing the words. Will’s dead. Will’s dead. Will’s dead. Dead. It didn’t seem real, like it was happening around me or to someone else.
With a shake of my head I turned on the shower and tried to wash some emotion into myself.
Considering how insane the weather had been the night before, everything was eerily quiet in the daylight. Grey clouds l
urked in the sky, threatening rain, but the air was still. If it weren’t for the mess of fallen trees and branches it would have been hard to tell a storm had even happened.
I’d never seen so many cars outside Freya’s apartment. I recognised Richard’s – the Warriors’ manager, and Miguel’s, and Leah and Radleigh pulled in right behind us. There were a couple of cars I hadn’t seen before – probably belonging to Freya’s family. Everyone had rushed to be with her. I knew it wouldn’t help. Well-meaning people offering words of comfort; kind, but ultimately useless. They couldn’t bring back the only person Freya wanted.
Jude and I got out of the car and waited for Leah and Radleigh before going inside. Leah was shaking, her face pale. Radleigh kept his arm around her, holding her close. Everyone looked wrong. Too sombre. Obviously with good reason, yet I still felt calm, and perhaps a little uncomfortable because I felt so calm.
I took Jude’s hand. He’d been silent since he told me the news, as if talking any more would make everything so much more real. The only sound in the car was the local radio, telling us there had been more than ten deaths due to the weather, and many more people injured.
When Leah and Radeigh reached us, Leah collapsed into me, sobbing onto my shoulder.
“What are we going to say to her, Bree?”
Will had been one of Leah’s first friends at Westberg, along with Freya. The three of them had always been close. Well, apart from that time Leah slept with Radleigh while dating Miguel, but they soon patched things up. The point is, Leah’s connection to Will was strong, and seeing her so upset created the first crack in my composure.
I wrapped my arms around her, hoping I could give her a little comfort. Not easy when my own emotions had gone on vacation without telling me. “I don’t know. I figured we’d work it out when we get in there. I don’t know how to talk to her either.”
Glancing up at Radleigh I noted the concern on his face. The last thing Leah needed so early in her pregnancy was this level of stress and I held her tighter, giving Radleigh a small nod to let him know I’d do my best to take care of her.
Ha. You can’t even take care of yourself.
The voice in my head sounded a lot like Taylor’s and I dug deep to locate some inner strength to push her away.
“Come on,” I said, softly. “We should go in. Freya’s waiting for us.”
The four of us - holding hands - made our way towards the apartment building’s entrance. Leah still had a key from when she lived there, and with a shaky hand, she let us in. In silence, we walked up the stairs and Freya’s door opened just as we got there.
Richard stepped out into the hallway, then paused and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Hey.” He rolled his shoulders to release some tension. “It was good of you guys to come over.”
“Freya’s mom called and said she needed us,” Leah told him. “How is she?”
Richard shook his head. “I’ve never seen her like this before. She’s not speaking right now. She hasn’t spoken a word for hours. I’ve been here since five, after I got the call. I have to go now to see Will’s parents. I can’t think of anything I want to do less.”
Jude stepped up and gave him a supportive, slightly awkward, pat on the back. “You should go home and rest before you see them. Give yourself a break.”
“I can’t, Jude. I can’t stop until this is done because if I do… I just don’t want to think until I’ve done everything I have to do.”