“What if I want you to? What if I want that, you, more than I want you to honour your promise?”
My heart began to pound in my chest because I knew why he was struggling. I knew I was putting him in a difficult position because for the first time, maybe in his whole life, he was willing to stand up for something. For me.
“What if you regret it, Luce? What if you think you’re sure right now, but later, you regret it, and you resent me for not doing what I said I would?”
The worry in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. How could I regret being with someone who was willing to put my feelings first?
I pressed my lips against his again. “Never going to happen. But if you… if you really want to wait, if you don’t-”
“Lucy. I want you. Don’t ever think I don’t. But this is a big deal for both of us, and especially for you. I’ve been a selfish prick my whole life. If we’re going to be together, and stay together, I don’t want to be that way with you.”
“All I need from you is honesty, Jase. And you’ve given me that every step of the way. I’ve never felt as close to any guy as I feel to you. I’ve never wanted anyone as much I want you.”
Jason closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a slow breath. “I’ve never been with anyone I’ve cared about as much as I care about you. And I know I sound like a total pussy right now, but fuck it, you want honesty?” He pressed his lips against mine again. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and crazy and unexpected as it is, I’m not letting go of this. I’m not letting go of you.”
I let his words wash over me, let them seep into me, where I could hold them and replay them over and over. I’d never been more certain of anything in my life, and as he kissed me again, his hand trailing down my arm to my hip as his tongue slid into my mouth, I knew this was what I’d been waiting for. This was the feeling I’d wanted, and Jason was the person I’d take the next step with. My stomach erupted with butterflies, nerves and excitement mixing together as our eager hands undressed each other until we lay naked on the bed, Jason on top of me, his eyes fixed on mine. My body trembled; this was the most exposed and intimate I’d ever been but somehow, I was sure Jason felt the same way. This was new to both of us in very different ways.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m okay.”
He smiled as his hand moved from my waist up to my breast, his fingers slowly circling my nipple. His eyes didn’t leave mine; it was like he wanted to watch every reaction and my body shook harder with the intensity. My hands ran down his back as his mouth lowered, his lips trailing down my neck, and I gasped as his mouth reached my breast and his tongue flicked over the nipple he’d just released. My back arched a little as his hand slid down my stomach, and I hooked my leg around his hip, pressing myself into him. The throb in my core made me let out a small whimper, made me push a little harder against him as the sensation of his lips on my breast and his hand moving lower set my whole body ablaze.
“Jase,” I murmured, digging my fingers into his back. “Please.”
I hadn’t expected it to be this way. To not just want him, but to need to feel him inside me, even though it was scary and my nerves made my body vibrate. He was taking his time, making sure I was relaxed and ready, but I didn’t want to wait. The expert way his lips moved across my skin was enough.
“One sec.”
Jason rolled away from me and a chill rushed over me, missing his body already. I tried to control my breathing, to steady myself, but my heart was beating so hard, I couldn’t. I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he swiftly but carefully ensured we were both protected, and the size of him made my stomach jolt a little. As he rejoined me on the bed, lying beside me, I still had my gaze fixed on his length.
“Talk to me, Luce.”
I moved my eyes slowly upwards, taking in every bit of his lean but muscular chest, his tattoos, until I finally reached his eyes. He rested his hand on my hip and pulled me closer. “We don’t have to do this. We can stop right now if you want to.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to. I’m just… I…”
How to even finish that sentence? If I told him his size terrified me, he’d back off, and I didn’t want him to, not at all. Making myself brave, I placed my hand on the back of his neck and kissed him. The second his tongue found mine and he rolled on top of me, my muscles relaxed again and I adjusted my position, wrapping my legs around him.
“Are you ready?” he whispered, again looking deep into my eyes for true confirmation. When I nodded, he said, “I’m going to take it slow, but you have to tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”
I nodded again. “Okay.”
The trembling started again the second I felt him push against my opening. It was just the slightest nudge but I held my breath and everything tightened up. Jason ran his thumb across my cheek. “Relax. Breathe, Lucy. Just breathe.”
Clo
sing my eyes, I took a second to focus only on my breathing, and when his fingers closed over my breast again, I slowly felt my body melt under his touch. I was still shaking, but this time when he started to push inside me, instead of letting the nerves take over, I reminded myself of the things he’d said. That he wanted me more than anyone else, and that he wouldn’t let me go. That he wanted this as much as I did, and… he was mine.
Jason Brooks was mine.
The sensation of him inside me was strange, but with each slow stroke, it became easier, less alien. I clung to him as he slightly picked up his pace, his eyes never leaving mine, making sure I was okay with every movement and something began to build inside me, something I’d never felt before. My eyes widened and my breath caught as Jason reached down with one hand and rubbed at the sensitive bundle of nerves that had started to tingle as he continued to push inside me. Before I even knew what was happening, a huge gasp burst out of me as I exploded beneath his fingers, triggering a flurry of pleasure to ripple through my entire body. I clung harder, pressing my hips into his and crying out as the waves continued to flow through me, and my blood threatened to ignite me. I was lost in my own pleasure when Jason shuddered on top of me, and he let out a cry of his own before collapsing on top of me, his hands in my hair as he kissed me hard.
For a few minutes, neither of us spoke. Our pounding hearts said everything we needed to say. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Couldn’t believe my first time had been so incredible.
“Lucy.” Jason looked up at me, his hand reaching for mine, our fingers entwining.
“That was... amazing.”