‘I’m not part of your family, Jed,’ she mumbled, and he stared at her, his gaze unflinching.
‘You could be. We all want you to be. My mum and dad adore you. Tom thinks you’re the answer to all men’s dreams, and even the animals think you’re worth licking. Phil thinks you’re worth rearranging his entire work schedule for so that he can come and help you. But you think it’s just because we all feel guilty and responsible for Toby. Don’t you, Brooke?’
She didn’t know what she thought any more. ‘I—I don’t know, Jed, I—’
‘Save it
.’ There were lines of tiredness round his blue eyes. ‘We all want to draw you into the family but you’ve turned independence into an art form. You can’t tell the difference between responsibility and love, and I’ve all but given up trying to show you the difference. Why do you really think I wanted to sort your cottage out for you?’
Brooke swallowed, barely able to find her voice. ‘B-because of Toby?’
‘No, Brooke.’ He gave a tired smile and muttered something under his breath. ‘It was nothing to do with Toby. I did it for you, because I love you. You were upset and you were struggling. I hated to see you struggle and I wanted to make life easier for you. It was nothing to do with Toby.’
She opened her mouth to speak again but he wouldn’t be interrupted.
‘Forget it, Brooke. There’s no point in us having this discussion any more. I do have a sense of responsibility, that’s true, but I can support Toby without involving myself with his mother.’ He shook his head slowly. ‘You’re so determined to stay independent because you don’t believe that I can love you for yourself, and the truth is I don’t know how to convince you any more. I’ve shown you that I love you in every way I know, but it isn’t enough, is it?’
Her heart was pounding uncomfortably. ‘I’m still afraid you can’t separate your feelings for me from your sense of responsibility—’
‘Of course I can!’ he exploded, raking a hand through his hair. ‘What are you saying? That I’m pretending to be in love with you out of a sense of responsibility? Do you really think I’m that stupid? I do know what it takes to make a relationship work, Brooke. I’ve had a shining example under my nose for the best part of thirty-five years.’
Her knees were shaking so badly she could barely stand. ‘I just can’t believe you want me…’
‘I know you can’t, which brings us to an impasse.’ He gave a short laugh and a weary smile. ‘Tom would see the funny side of this.’
‘Is there one?’ Brooke swallowed. She couldn’t see a funny side. She’d never felt more confused in her life. Did he really love her? Did he really?
‘Well, yes, there is, actually. If you’ve got a warped sense of humour like my younger brother.’ There was a brief silence as he hesitated. ‘It’s hard to say this without sounding arrogant, and I certainly don’t mean to, but do you have any idea how many women have wanted to hear me say I loved them?’
‘Plenty, I should think,’ Brooke said gruffly. It was part of the reason that she knew he couldn’t love her. He could just about pick anyone he wanted.
‘Well, there certainly have been a few,’ he replied wryly, ‘but shall I tell you something? They all waited in vain because I made up my mind when I was young that I would never, ever use that word unless I meant it. I never told a girl I loved her to get her into bed, I never lied and I never gave false hope to anyone. The truth is, I never used the word at all until I said it to you the other night, and you didn’t want to hear it.’
Brooke’s eyes widened and her breathing clogged in her throat. He’d never told anyone that he loved them? ‘That can’t be true.’
‘Oh, it’s true.’ He gave a smile of self-mockery and glanced across her lawn towards the mountains. ‘And now you understand why Tom would laugh. He would say it was poetic justice that I should at last understand what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t love you back.’
‘Jed—’
‘Of all the members of the fair sex that I could have fallen in love with, I had to pick a stubborn, mule-headed woman who doesn’t trust me and never will. I must be a masochist. I accept that you don’t love me, but we do need to establish some sort of relationship for Toby’s sake. He has a family and a right to be a part of it, even if you don’t love me enough to marry me and make it official.’
Brooke stared at him, her heart racing. He was asking her to marry him? He loved her? Really?
‘That’s all I wanted to say.’ His eyes locked with hers, holding her captive. ‘Come and pick up Toby at lunchtime. I’ll have him ready.’
* * *
Brooke drove up the pitted lane towards the Matthews’ farm, her hands trembling on the steering-wheel as she tried to hold it steady.
Jed loved her. He really loved her.
She believed him now. But was it too late?
She gave a groan of despair. Why hadn’t she been able to trust him? Why? Would he listen to her now if she tried to explain, tried to tell him how she felt?
And had he really never said ‘I love you’ to anyone before her? No. He obviously hadn’t. Jed was straight and honest and he would never use words that he didn’t mean, she knew that now. But he’d said them to her.
And she had no doubt that he meant them.