She swallowed. ‘No. It was just one night, Jed. I didn’t really know you and you didn’t know me. Neither of us meant that to happen—’
‘I know that, and it was my responsibility, but I wanted you so badly…’ He sat back with a groan and closed his eyes briefly. ‘I was selfish and I’m sorry, Brooke.’
‘Selfish?’ Her eyes widened. ‘How were you selfish? You didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘How can you say that?’ He made an impatient sound and raked long fingers through his glossy dark hair, his expression incredulous. ‘I made you pregnant that night.’
‘Neither of us was thinking straight. We were both carried away—’
‘I shouldn’t have been.’ His blue eyes searched hers and he shook his head slowly. ‘You must have hated me when you found out. How can you be so forgiving?’
‘What is there to forgive, Jed? And I certainly didn’t hate you. How could I hate you?’ Her brief glance was shy, almost embarrassed. If he knew what she really felt about him, he’d collapse on the spot. ‘That night was so special… I certainly didn’t hate you.’
‘And then you made a new life for yourself and I turned up with no warning and started yelling at you without listening to your side of the story.’ He swore under his breath and rubbed his temples with strong fingers. ‘What a louse! I’m sorry, Brooke.’
‘You didn’t yell,’ she reminded him with a trace of humour in her voice. ‘I have it on good authority that you didn’t yell.’
He shook his head and sat back in his chair. ‘How can you joke about it? You should want to throw something at me.’
‘You’re rather a lot bigger than me, so that probably wouldn’t be wise.’ She nibbled a chip and gave him a wary smile. Maybe it would be all right. He’d certainly calmed down.
He was watching her closely, his handsome face serious. ‘I’d never done that before either, you know.’
‘Done what?’
‘Got so carried away that I forgot to protect the woman I was with.’ His voice was low but she blushed deeply and cast an anxious look towards the bar but no one was listening.
‘It doesn’t matter Jed.’
‘It matters a great deal,’ he said dryly, picking up his fork and starting to eat. ‘When I woke up the next morning and found you gone I couldn’t believe it. I consoled myself with the fact that if you were pregnant then you’d find me. I feel hideously guilty that you’ve had to struggle on your own for all these years. How did you manage?’
‘I didn’t find out I was pregnant for two months.’ She picked at her food, the warmth from the fire comforting. ‘When I did—well, you can imagine that my father was less than pleased. All my life he’d drummed into me that an unplanned pregnancy is the worst thing that can happen to anybody. That having responsibility for me had ruined his life. When he thought he was going to have responsibility for a grandchild too, he nearly had a stroke!’
Jed’s jaw was tense. ‘I wish you’d contacted me—’
‘You still don’t get it, do you?’ She put down her fork and shook her head slowly. ‘For twenty years I was a total burden to someone. Because of me they got married when they were totally unsuited. I wasn’t really wanted or loved, I was just tolerated. I was someone’s responsibility. Something to be shouldered as a penance for a mistake. There was no way on this earth I would ever inflict that same situation on my own child.’
Jed’s mouth tightened and his blue eyes hardened. ‘Don’t ever compare me to your father.’
‘But the situation was the same, can’t you understand that?’ She was desperate to make him understand, to make him see why she had never told him about Toby. ‘You would have been taking on a responsibility which wasn’t of your choosing, something that would have affected your whole life and your career.’
He leaned forward, his blue eyes intense. ‘But that should have been my decision to make, Brooke.’
She shook her head sadly. ‘No. Because you’re a thoroughly decent man, Jed—I knew that from the first moment I met you. You would have done something stupid, like offering to marry me, and it would have been for all the wrong reasons. That’s the sort of relationship I’ve had all my life and I deserve more than that and so do you. And that’s why I never told you.’
Jed was silent for a moment, digesting what she’d said. ‘So what did you do? Did your father come good in the end?’
‘No.’ Brooke’s tone was flat and she didn’t elaborate. ‘I carried on working, and once the baby was born I used childminders. Eventually I qualified and did my midwifery, but London was too expensive and I always loved the mountains so I moved here.’
‘But what about your mother?’ He obviously couldn’t believe what he was hearing. ‘Didn’t she support you?’
‘My mother died when I was eleven.’ Brooke’s voice was husky as she pushed the food around her plate. ‘She was hit by a car and no one ever really knew whether it was an accident or suicide.’
There was a long silence and then he spoke, his voice soft. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ She gave a weary smile. ‘It was awful but it was a long time ago.’
‘I can’t begin to imagine how you must have struggled. How on earth did you bring up a child on a nurse’s salary?’ He sounded incredulous and her eyes gleamed with humour.