There was a long silence while Jed considered her words and then he spoke, his voice low and gruff. ‘How do you know they wouldn’t have got married anyway?’
‘Because my father told me. Repeatedly.’ Brooke took a sip of her drink, her hands shaking slightly. ‘He told me that if it hadn’t been for me he never would have settled down so young and would have developed his career instead. Because of me he was forced to take a different sort of job and he was never happy.’
‘Wait a minute.’ Jed lifted a hand to interrupt her, his expression incredulous. ‘You’re telling me that your father blamed you for his poor career decisions?’
She swallowed. ‘Well, yes. I was the reason he made those decisions. If my mother hadn’t been pregnant he would have done something entirely different with his life.’
Jed muttered something under his breath and then leaned back in his seat, his face grim. ‘Go on.’
Brooke hesitated, her dark eyes wary. ‘Y-you’re angry again and you said you wouldn’t be angry tonight.’
He took a deep breath and gave her a brief smile. ‘I’m not angry—at least, not with you. Tell me the rest of the story. What about your mother? Couldn’t she get a job?’
‘She was ill.’ Brooke fiddled with her glass again. ‘And that was my fault, too.’
‘This I must hear.’ Jed sat back in his chair and shook his head slowly, his expression one of disbelief. ‘Go on. Enlighten me. What was wrong with her and how was that your fault?’
‘She had postnatal depression,’ Brooke said flatly, not looking at h
im. She didn’t want to look at him. Didn’t want to know if he was sympathetic or not. She didn’t want sympathy. She just wanted to tell her story and go home. ‘And naturally my father blamed me for that, too.’
‘But postnatal depression can be treated.’ Jed was clearly baffled, and she shook her head impatiently.
‘We’re talking twenty-six years ago, Jed. No one recognised it for what it was. My mum became housebound, emotionally crippled, unable to do anything for herself or anyone else. My dad had to care for her. He lost his job. The marriage was a disaster. It was all my fault.’
‘Brooke—’
‘Let me finish.’ She risked a glance at him but his expression was unreadable. ‘I took a second job and gave Dad as much money as I could. I never went out because I was too tired and too busy working.’
‘But you went to the ball.’
She gave a short laugh. ‘Yes. For one night I pretended to be someone I wasn’t, so maybe your Cinderella analogy wasn’t so far out. I was a student nurse and one of the doctors felt sorry for me and gave me a ticket. I sneaked in like a child at a grown-ups’ party, feeling totally out of place.’
‘You didn’t look out of place.’ His voice was gruff and he took a mouthful of frothy beer. ‘You looked stunning.’
The unexpected compliment made her blush and she dipped her head, her dark hair tumbling over her face. ‘And then I met you. Apart from mild flirtations at the bistro, I’d never really had anything to do with men before. Meeting you was—’ She broke off, not sure just how honest to be and he prompted her gently.
‘Was what?’
She hesitated, her colour deepening and he prompted her again.
‘Meeting me was what? I want honesty, Brooke. Tell me how you felt.’
She bit her lip. He wanted honesty. She might as well give it to him.
‘It was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me.’ She spoke the words so softly that she wondered whether he’d heard her, but the look in his eyes told her that he had. She held his gaze bravely. ‘You were so good looking, so self-assured and strong—I’d never met anyone like you before. I was totally intoxicated.’
Jed gave a groan and closed his eyes briefly. ‘And I took advantage of you.’
‘No.’ She gave him a wan smile. ‘No, not that. I wanted you so badly I would have seduced you if necessary. I don’t know what happened to me that night, but I was with you all the way, Jed.’
She broke off as their food arrived and then picked up her fork without much enthusiasm. ‘You didn’t take advantage of me, but I’d never felt that way or behaved that way before, and when I woke up in your bed, in your arms…I panicked.’
‘I can imagine.’ For once there was no sarcasm in his voice and she risked a glance. His blue eyes locked with hers and he shook his head slowly. ‘What an awful childhood you must have had.’
She pushed her food around her plate. ‘I— Do you understand now why I couldn’t tell you about Toby?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded slowly. ‘I understand why you thought you were doing the right thing. But you could have trusted me, you know.’