But is that really the life I want? Would Ladd be satisfied with it?
I won’t know until I have the talk with Ladd that he’s been pushing me to have for the last week. I know he thinks I’m putting him off because I don’t want to talk about these things, and he may even think I’m too scared to commit, but that’s not the truth at all.
I want to talk in the same room—sitting on a couch and maybe drinking a glass of wine. Or naked in a bed. Or walking along a beach. It has to be together where we can look each other in the eye and be forever without doubt that we want the same thing.
Getting my parents’ house ready for sale has given me the opportunity to have some time alone, to find clarity in my wants and needs, and to make provisional decisions. It’s also my last tie to my old life, and as much as I’m going to miss this place, the memories of it will never die. I want a clean break, and I want to start the next chapter of my life.
With the last of the boxes packed up, and the real estate agent coming tomorrow for me to sign a representation agreement, I’ll be free to figure out all the other things that need my attention.
I’ll get on a plane, fly to Pittsburgh, and I’ll look Ladd in the eye. Then I’ll make a decision.
It will be him—meaning, I choose him.
It’s just how we’re going to make it work that needs some ironing. I have a few needs of my own, and I need to make sure he can meet them. I need to make sure I can give him what he deserves.
My stomach rumbles, and I glance at my watch. It’s well past lunchtime, and I didn’t eat breakfast. There’s nothing in the fridge or the cupboards, and if I eat delivery pizza one more time, I’ll puke.
Resolved to grab a sandwich from a local deli, I pop into the restroom to wash my hands. I tighten my ponytail and scrutinize myself in the mirror. I don’t need makeup for a local deli run, but I decide a little lip gloss is never a bad idea.
Lips properly shiny, I nab my purse from the foyer table and open the door. My head is down as I try to pull my keys out when I run straight into a mountain of a person.
My first instinct is it’s an intruder—despite it being broad daylight and the hit by Vecindario 18 called off—and I go into self-defense mode.
Rather, attack mode.
Dropping my purse, I let a back-fist fly without thought or hesitation for there is no reason for a man to be at my door. But it’s caught in a hard grip just inches from his nose.
Ladd’s nose.
My eyes widen as I take him in—lips curved in an amused smirk that I would try to hit him without provocation—but more so because he’s faster than I am.
His blue eyes darken from humor to desire, and he uses the grip on my wrist to jerk me into him. He kisses me hard, and I kiss him right back.
A sigh that sounds a lot like relief expels from him, and I pull back, guessing that he, too, had doubts up until this very moment.
Pulling my wrist free, I put both my hands to his face and stretch on tiptoes. “I was getting on a plane tomorrow to come see you.”
“I couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” he replies, and kisses me again.
And this time, it’s not a kiss of relief but of desire. He pulls my entire body to him and on the front porch of my home, in full view of the neighbors, proceeds to kiss me passionately and without reservation.
I’m breathless when his lips lift from mine, calculating how quickly we can make it to my bedroom.
But he says the words that are like a bucket of cold water. “We need to talk.”
And he’s right. We do. “Want to go sit out back by the koi pond?”
He shakes his head. “This conversation shouldn’t be long enough to warrant a trip out there.”
“Because we simply need to make a decision,” I say.
“Right,” he agrees, taking my hands in his. “I mean… we already love each other.”
“We do.” I chuckle because that was about the most unromantic way for us to reaffirm our feelings, but honestly, the fact he came to save me in El Salvador clued me in.
Taking a deep breath, Ladd says, “I want to support you in whatever you want to do. If you want to stay with the CIA, I’ll go wherever you go. I know it’s your dream.”
His words touch me so deeply because I know what he’d be giving up. He’d be giving up important time with his son, and that thought is unbearable to me, so it must be excruciating for him.