“I can’t, don’t you see, Reed?”
“All I see is you trying to push me away.”
“Reed, because of me, you have blood on your hands. That’s on me. Mitch was your brother and I drove you to—”
“Stop it! I’m a grown man. The decisions I make are completely my own. I freely made every choice on my own and I don’t have any regrets about them.”
“Well, you should. You say you love me, Reed. But what kind of love would lead you to always choose to make someone else happier while putting yourself in danger?”
“If you think I’m going to lose one moment of sleep over the fact that Mitch isn’t breathing the same air as we are, then, you’re fucking wrong, Callie.”
“That’s not the point, Reed.”
“Well, hell. Why don’t you tell me what the point is, baby? Because from where I’m sitting you’re just talking in circles.”
“The point is that if I was out of your life, you wouldn’t continually be putting yourself on the line. I’m weak, Reed. I’m not strong enough to stand on my own and you feel like it’s your job to prop me up.”
“You’ll get stronger, Callie.”
“What happens if I don’t, Reed? What kind of life could we ever have together?”
“Callie—”
“Are you really willing to give up on everything, all your dreams to be with a woman who may never be a whole person? You want to pin your future on a woman who may never be able to let you touch her.”
“Fuck, that’s what all this is about. You heard the phone conversation I had with Trisha, didn’t you Callie? You’re trying to push me away because of it.”
“Partly,” I tell him because this is too important to lie.
“I don’t want you to give up your career for me, Reed. You have a life in California. You have started to see your dreams come true and you can’t give that up.”
“I want to give it up, Callie. No one is forcing me. It’s my life, honey and my choices. My life is with you.”
“Your life is in California,” I whisper. “And it’s a life you need to get back to.”
“Callie—”
“Don’t make this harder on me than it already is, Reed. This is what I want.”
“What about what I want? Shouldn’t that count for something, Bluebird?” he says, and I hate that I can hear the pain in his voice. I hate that I can hear his sadness. It’s almost enough to make me fold, but I know in my heart that what I’m doing is the best for him and that’s all that matters. I need to make sure that Reed gets his dreams, that he lives a good life.
“You’re going to go back to California. You’re going to become a country music star and you’re going to have the world at your fingertips. You’re going to find a good woman and have kids and you’re going to do it, because down deep you realize that I can’t give you what you need. Until I get strong enough to accept myself and love myself, there’s nothing that I can give you, Reed. You can love someone with all of your heart, but that doesn’t mean it’s meant to work out.”
“Callie, take a step back and let’s just think about this, please, baby.”
“Reed, I have thought about it. You have something in your grasp that people would kill to have. You need to go back to California and try. If you don’t, you will always wonder what would have happened if you had tried. You have to see if you can achieve your dreams. You have so much talent. The world needs to hear it.”
He just stands there, looking at me. I can see that my words have gotten through to him. I feel relief.
Relief and sadness.
“Fine. Then, come to California with me, Callie. Live my dream with me.”
“It would never work, Reed.”
“Why in the hell not?”
“My legs won’t even hold me up most days. The other day I had a meltdown because I forgot to put the hand towels back on the towel rack correctly. I literally fell to the ground and waited as if Mitch was going to come back from the grave and punish me. Do you really think I could handle moving—especially to a big city?”
“Callie…”
“Go pack. I’m releasing you of any duty you feel towards me. Maybe I’m releasing us both.”
With that, I turn around and walk away. I may have done what was best for Reed, but inside, I know it has destroyed me…
CHAPTER 38
Reed
I put the last of my clothes in my suitcase and look around the bedroom that I’ve been sharing with Callie. I’ve been happier in this room than I’ve been in my whole life. I can’t believe that it’s come to this. I had such hopes. I don’t truly know why I’m leaving, except maybe there’s a tiny part of me that believes Callie is right.