“I don’t think I like the sound of that,” she says.
“You shouldn’t.”
“What happened?” she asks.
“Mouth and Charm—”
“Charming?”
I can hear the surprise in her voice.
“Yeah, not what I expected either,” I say, utterly disappointed in the path my baby brother is choosing.
“That’s sad, worse than your father. It means its spread down to another generation. God, it’s never going to stop,” Dixie Rose says.
“Racism?”
“Yes—no. I mean, within this club. The disrespect, the comments, and stares. Jesus Christ, it’s the twenty-first century. What’s the point of me hanging around?”
She’s rambling. I hate hearing her like this when I’m a state away. “D’Rose, calm down.”
“How can I do that? We both know what’s going to happen if this shit starts affecting the club.”
“It won’t come to that,” I assure her.
“And how do you know that?”
“’Cause I’m going to fix it.”
“How? You think Mouth is suddenly going to see the light and become understanding?” she snaps.
“Look, don’t take this shit out on me. I called you because I just knocked my little brother out cold, over you. A little support and understanding would be nice.”
Silence floods our connection.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re getting dragged through the mud, and I sympathize. This is hard for me, too. Mouth is my boogie man. The monster lurking not under my bed, but among my family, waiting for me to let down my guard, so he can slink over and crush me. All my life he made me feel wrong. I wasn’t light enough. I wasn’t good enough. Do you know how that fucks with a kid’s self-esteem?” Dixie Rose asks.
I close my eyes. My temples begin to throb. I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of our past, my father’s unrelenting trail of destruction, and the pain I can never erase inside of my woman. There’s nothing I can say right now. Telling her to shake it off is out of the question. Can I even ask her to stand by me while I make nice with my father for the good of the club?
“Look, you’re my man, and I’m going to stick by you. I know how it works. I’ll do what I need to. Don’t think for one second it’ll be easy, or that I’ll grin and bear it while I suffer in silence. That was my life once before I left. Hell, it’s the reason I bailed and rarely looked back. I can’t return to living that way.”
The determination in her tone tells me she’s serious. I can’t blame her. I brought her back into this kicking and screaming. I need to find a way to make sure it’s still worth it for her. I’m not vain enough to think me or my love is enough to make up for the bullshit my father is about to put us through. Keep the carnage at a minimum. “I’m not asking you to.”
She doesn’t respond, but I know I just lied. It’s precisely what I’m requesting.
“You don’t have to reassure me. I knew what I was getting into with you, Joel. I’m not stupid, or young enough to believe you standing up for me will change things. That’s going to take time and will. I have both. But you need to understand this is a scar I’m reopening and trying to heal instead of plaster over. I stayed away because …” She trails off.
My stomach knots. “What?”
“It’s not important now. Another time. Now is about you.”
Her diversion raises a red flag. “No, what?”
“Hey, tonight is about you. Tell me what went down,” she states firmly.
“My dad running his mouth is nothing new, but seeing Charm act like that…hearing that crap come delivered directly from his mouth threw me. He crossed a line with me, and I lost it. I blanked out. The next thing I know, he’s on the floor out cold.”
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. You punched him?” she asks.