“Fuck yes.” She takes a deep breath. “I love you, Joel. I always have and I always will.”
Her words are the best numbing agent to the pain I’m feeling. I wrap my arms around her and pull her close, inhaling her sweet scent and enjoying her soft curves.
This life is a hard one, but with an old lady like her at my side and my brothers behind me, I can swing it without the support of my blood born family. Family doesn’t stop with blood and soon enough, I’ll be creating my own. The thought makes me smile.
“Love you, too, girl.” I kiss her forehead and take a moment to enjoy it before it’s gone, and a new crisis rolls in.
Chapter Five
Dixie Rose
“What’s going on, girl? You look stressed to the max,” Blue says.
I glance up at her and sigh. We’re camped out on the lawn furniture in her backyard with a six
pack of beer between us.
Shadow and Echo are off on a run, Bolton is off with friends, and my father is well enough to leave to his own devices at the clubhouse. After two months, I’m impressed by the improvement in his health and routine. The depression that set in on him during that first month away from the clubhouse was a bitch. If anyone had ever doubted his commitment, they would’ve been silenced. The boys stopping by were his bright spots.
I take a long drag of the dark brew. “Truthfully, I’m nervous for Dad. I know one night won’t undo all the work we’ve put in, but I’m like a parent who sent their kid off to school for the first time. I wonder if he’ll behave while he’s out of my sight. I don’t want to lose him, you know?”
“I understand. But one thing I know about Hoss, he’s not going to do anything that’ll take him away from you if he can help it. He just got you back up here,” she says.
“Yeah, I guess you have a point there,” I reply, toying with the damp label around the brown glass.
“What else is bothering you?” Blue asks.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, I know you.”
I meet her inquisitive gaze and let down my guard. “I don’t know. I should be happy, but I’m terrified. Dad was a buffer between me and Echo. He knew not to ask me for anything more while he was still getting on his feet. Now that he’s headed back into the clubhouse and settled into his new way of life, I have no reason to drag my feet.”
“Drag your feet, how?” Blue asks. “What’s he pushing you for? I know he did what he had to back then to keep you safe, but you’re still trying to re-establish trust with that.”
“See, you get that. He doesn’t. He’s all full steam ahead. Like he can make up for all the years lost. He wants to live together. I get that. But I’m not ready, and I don’t know what that says about me.”
“That you’re cautious, as you should be. Up until a few months ago, he was the boy who broke your heart and left you at the altar. Your head knows that’s not true now, but your heart is going to take time to mend,” Blue says.
The anger in her voice makes me smile. My best friend has always been on my team. “What would I do without you?”
“You’ll never have to know. Have you told him how you feel?”
“No. I’m afraid he’ll freak out.”
Blue frowns. “I don’t like this. You can’t stifle your words because you don’t want to rock the boat. You’ll end up hating him in the long run if you hold it all in, until you can’t anymore.”
“I know you’re right, but it’s been good between us. I’m not just okay, I’m happy for the first time in a very long time.”
“And you will be. He might be butt hurt for a second, but he’ll get over it.” Blue shrugs.
“Will he? He’s risked everything for me. I owe him,” I whisper.
“Oh, bullshit. He made you his old lady. That means he takes care of you. He’s doing his job, finally. I won’t forget he sat back and let all this disrespect slide for years. He’s not a saint or martyr in all this.”
“You’re right. I know. It’s so much at once. Between my dad, the fall out with Mouth, which I’m still waiting for that to bite me in the ass, and being back with Echo, I’m drowning.”
“Well, let me throw you a lifesaver, babe. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. Take it from me. Doing everything to make others happy while your ignore yourself only leads to misery, and a life half lived.” She glances over my shoulder and her eyes go unfocused.