I growled out low despite the fact I knew my brother was right.
“I have hope, Asher. I know I’ll find her. I know my mate is out there. But you’ve given up, and even in the face of your mate, you’re still questioning your life, your purpose.” He sat up straighter, his expression hardening. “You have something every shifter wants, myself included. And instead of going over there and claiming her, telling her exactly what you guys are to each other, you’re sitting in front of your fire bullshitting with your brother, trying to make sense of all of this.” He shook his head slowly. “There is no making sense of this. She’s yours and you’re hers. What could be more perfect?” He leaned back in his chair and turned his focus to the fire, this forlorn expression on his face. “I wish I was in your shoes right now,” he said gruffly, and although Cason was more of an easy-going type, right now he was distant, even sad.
We sat in silence and I played his words over in my head. I looked back at my brother, not sure what to say.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’d fucking lost your mind right now.” He grumbled out the last part and I couldn’t blame him. Cason looked empathetic then. “Asher,” he said. “You found your other half. It’s something every shifter desperately wants but you’re fighting it. I don’t understand.” His expression softened. “What are you so afraid of?” he finally asked after we’d been sitting there for several long moments.
I lifted my hand and rubbed my palm over my jaw, the scruff underneath scratching my skin. I exhaled slowly and faced my brother.
I felt like a fucking asshole, not just for how I was acting toward my brother and being insensitive, but the fact I had left my mate. She’d been right fucking in front of me and I’d walked away, as if that had been the easiest thing in the goddamn world.
Even now my bear was pissed, enraged. At me.
I didn’t need to think about what he’d said to know my answer. “What if I lose her and I find myself back in this black hole?” This tightness settled in my chest, and I lifted my hand and rubbed over my heart. “What if I allow myself to let that happiness in, that completion of finally finding my other half, and I lose her?” I looked at Cason, my throat tight, my mouth dry. “I don’t think I’d survive that,” I said on a whisper, feeling this vulnerability I’d never experienced before.
I stared back at the fire, knowing that my life wasn’t my own anymore. I had a mate, a female to take care of. She was all that mattered, and I needed to get my shit together, to push my worries and insecurities aside, and be the best male I could be for her.
Cason was right.
I was a fucking idiot to second-guess all of this. But I would change that, rectify it. I was going to let Ainsley know exactly what she meant to me, and I was going to do it in the way she deserved ... with her possessive mate claiming her fully.
Ainsley
The next day
I turned off the radio, leaning against the kitchen island as I thought about what the weatherman had said. A major storm was coming, one that was pretty severe, from what they were saying.
I turned and looked at the kitchen, seeing the few boxes and canned goods I had sitting on the counter. I’d probably be fine with those until the storm passed, but I didn’t have much drinking water on hand. And if the storm was going to be as bad as they said, I needed to stock up before it hit.
And as I stood there, knowing what I had to do, all I kept thinking about was Asher. I couldn’t count how many times I’d picked up my cell and was about to call him. It had only been a day since he left my cabin, yet it felt like a lifetime.
Sleep had been pretty nonexistent, and this anxious feeling had taken root inside of me.
One day and I felt like I was lost, like there was this heavy weight on my shoulders and until I talked to him about this, figured out what the hell was going on, it would only get worse, the pressure more intense.
But I’d been so busy today, well, kept myself as busy as physically possible, because I knew what I felt was a little illogical. It didn’t matter if it was my reality, it felt insane and wild and I was a little afraid of actually confessing anything to Asher for fear that he’d look at me like I was this madwoman.
Without thinking about it anymore, I grabbed my keys off the island, put my purse strap over my shoulder, and headed out the door. The sky was getting darker by the second, and the scent of rain filled the air. I always loved that smell, the crispness that always seemed to surround you right before the storm.
But right now, it was a little bit frightening being up here all alone, the nearest town twenty minutes down the mountain. It was intimidating and made me realize how truly alone I was.
I tossed my purse on the passenger side seat and climbed in, shutting the door and starting the engine. I started heading down the mountain, the weatherman predicting the storm wouldn’t hit until about five tonight. That was several hours away still, and plenty of time for me to stock up on supplies, head back to the cabin, and get things ready in case the power went out.
I knew how storms were in the city, but being in the mountains, surrounded by all these trees, this altitude … I could only imagine it was probably a lot fiercer.
Before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store. The supermarket in this little town wasn’t anything I was used to. It was tiny compared to the ones in the city. But I figured it would do the job. I didn’t need much.
I climbed out and walked inside, the interior a flurry of action. There were a lot of people gathering supplies, carts filled with cases of water, packs of batteries, toiletries, and nonperishables.
I took the last cart and made my way up and down the aisles. Although I should have focused mainly on nonperishables, I did grab some fruits and vegetables. There was only so much canned and boxed food a girl could stomach.
When I got to the aisle where the water was kept, the majority was picked clean, but I managed to get a few gallons of water, and the last two cases of water bottles they had. After throwing some packs of batteries in the cart, even snagging two flashlights and a few boxes of matches, I made my way to the wine section. I’d never been much of a drinker, but if I was going to be buckled down for the next few days with this storm, I wanted to make the best of it.
As I stood there and looked at their selection, which really was only a handful of brands, I could hear some arguing in the next aisle. Two women bickered over something they both claimed they’d seen first. I felt like I was in a movie, with people fighting over the last box of cereal. The way they argued made it seem like the damn apocalypse was underway.
After putting a couple bottles of wine in my cart, I started heading to the checkout. I stood there and leaned against the handle of the cart, thinking about how this was my life now. No doubt storms were common, although judging by the crowd in the store, you would think these people had never experienced something like this before.
The longer I stood there, the more I thought of my interaction with Asher just yesterday. I imagined how it would go when I told him my insane feelings. No doubt I’d make a massive fool out of myself.