It wasn’t good enough.
Jude caught up to me easily and we fell to the ground as he tackled—yeah, he full on tackled me to the ground like we were playing football. Sand got all over our clothes as we rolled around. There was nothing sexy or playful about the motion. “Let me go,” I protested, trying to wiggle away from his grasp.
“No,” his tone was stern. He was bigger and stronger than me, so it didn’t take much effort on his part to subdue me. “Look at me,” he growled when I turned my head away from him. I could feel moisture stinging my eyes and the last thing I wanted was for Jude to see me cry. Talk about mortifying. “Tatum, look at me.” His voice softened, pleading with me. I couldn’t stop my head from turning. “That’s my girl,” he smiled. My heart still raced in my chest, but its beats were slowing. “I told you I was afraid of you running away, and then you go and do it. Way to bruise a guy’s ego,” he teased, but there was an uneasiness in his eyes like he was still worried if he released me I’d flee. All fight was leaving my body. I hadn’t even been trying to get away from him. It was my feelings I was running from. They were a jumbled, twisted knot inside me. I couldn’t untangle them and even begin to sort the mess. I didn’t understand what he saw in me. I’d seen enough of his true colors to know he was an amazing man, but me? I had no clue who I was or what I wanted. I dwelled on the past too much and I didn’t talk about my feelings. I kept everything bottled inside me until I exploded—like when I threw the McFlurry at Jude. May that Oreo McFlurry Rest in Peace.
I took a shuddering breath as he said, “Talk to me, Tate.”
“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I breathed, my chest rising heavily with each breath. “I don’t know how to talk to anyone.”
His dark brows furrowed together. “You’re talking right now.”
“Smart ass,” I muttered.
“I’m not asking you to tell me every secret you’ve hidden away in that pretty head of yours,” he smiled, like he was trying to reassure me. “I’m just asking you not to run away when your feelings get to be too much.”
“You sound like a girl,” I stated, glaring at him.
He bellowed a laugh at that. “Well,” he grinned crookedly, “one of us has to be the level-headed, honest one in this relationship, and since you’re clearly not ready to share a lot of things with me, I guess I’m that person.”
“There are things you’re not telling me,” I stated, because I knew it was true deep down in my gut.
He bowed his head, strands of dark hair falling in his eyes. “That’s true, but at least I don’t run from what I feel.”
I winced. “Touché.”
“If there’s anything Pap taught me, it was that being a man doesn’t mean burying your feelings. Yes, it means being a leader and protecting the ones you love,” he smoothed my hair off my forehead, “but it also means you embrace what you feel in your heart. He taught me not to hide my emotions, to accept them all.”
“Your grandpa is a wise man.”
“He is,” Jude agreed. “So, what do you say, are you ready to accept your feelings? To embrace this unknown rocky road ahead of us?”
No. That wasn’t the word that left my mouth though. “Yes.”
His smile widened. “No. More. Running.” He reinforced each word with a kiss to my forehead, the end of my nose, and finally a light kiss to my lips. He jumped up and pulled me up with him. “That walk was shaping up to be a bad idea, but I think we had a good talk.” He slung an arm over my shoulders.
My heart skipped a beat. “I’m scared,” I admitted, needing to tell him. “I’m scared to death of what I feel for you, of how you affect me. I feel like I’m falling.”
“Ah,” he breathed, “don’t you know, falling is the best part of flying.”
???
Rowan cornered me in the bathroom before I could get it locked and jump in the shower. I knew it was only a matter of time before she sought me out. She found me sooner than I expected, and I’d been planning to use the time in the shower to figure out what to tell her.
“What the hell happened today?” She whispered just in case someone was listening. She lowered the lid of the toilet seat and sat down.
I shrugged.
“Tatum,” she said my name sternly, the same way she said her son’s when he was in trouble. “Tell me. I’m your best friend.”
“I-I don’t know,” I shrugged, again. “We kissed and…”
“And?” She prompted.
“It was amazing.” Those darn butterflies erupted in my tummy again as I relived the kiss in the ocean. I was convinced no man could kiss like Jude. He was a master.
“I need more than that,” she waved her hand in a gesture for me to go on.
“We laid on the beach, talked for a while. That was about it.” No way was I telling her I’d freaked and Jude had chased me down. Besides, I felt like everything we’d talked about should be kept between the two of us.