“I haven’t scared you, have I?” He asked when I was quite for a while. His finger twisted in the long locks of my long hair, which had fallen loose from the confines of the braid.
“A little,” I admitted.
“Don’t be afraid.” His lips brushed my forehead and my lashes fluttered. “Let’s just explore this crazy thing between us for a while and see where it goes.”
“You mean, until you get sick of me.” I stated.
“Pretty girl,” his lips descended lower, closer to my mouth but mostly on my cheek. “I could never tire of you. If I was going to get bored with you, don’t you think it would’ve happened long before now?”
He was right. Jude had been making advances towards me since we were in high school. Our college campus was large enough that I’d thought he’d gone away for school and hadn’t seen him on campus the first two years. It probably helped that we studied two completely different majors. In fact, I wouldn’t have encountered him again if he hadn’t become friends with Rowan. I’d been beyond livid when he’d shown up at the library one day where Row and I had been studying. From that moment on, he’d picked right up where he’d left off in high school with trying to get in my pants.
“That’s a good point,” I agreed, curling into his side. He was so warm and comforting and I almost never wanted to leave his arms.
I’d always been fiercely independent and it scared me to be falling so hard and fast for someone. Especially Jude.
“If I’d really only wanted to fuck you all this time I’m pretty sure you slapping me would’ve been a huuuuuge turn off,” he continued, laughing so his chest shook, causing my head to bobble up and down where it rested on his shoulder.
“My mom would shove soap into your mouth for that statement,” I dead-panned, refusing to laugh or acknowledge yet another mention of the ‘slapping incident’.
“Sounds like a kinky lady, must run in the family.” He rose above me, smirking.
“Juuude!” I shrilled his name and reached up to lightly beat my fists against his chest in jest. He caught my hands before they could any damage.
I found my hands pinned above my head once more. “Do you want me to spank you, Tatum?” There was a hint of amusement in his eyes, but his tone was almost stern.
“Only if you want me to cut your balls off while you sleep,” I smiled sweetly.
Something changed in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but promptly shut it. He released my hands and stood up, offering me a hand. “What do you say we go for a walk?”
A walk with Jude on the beach? It sounded grossly romantic, but I guess we were a couple now…wait, were we a couple? This was all so confusing.
He kicked off his shoes, letting his feet dig into the sand. I did the same and then took his outstretched hand. We started walking down the beach and everything about the moment felt strange to me. Jude hummed pleasantly under his breath, a small happy smile on his face. Every once in a while he’d look down at me and his smile would widen. Shouldn’t that have been me? Shouldn’t I have been the one looking foolishly…I shut down that thought. Love and Jude in the same sentence was not something that should ever be used. Regardless, I felt like I should’ve been the one beaming. Not that I wasn’t happy, but let’s face it. This was Jude. He could have any girl he wanted. Heck, he had, had every girl he wanted, but he was suddenly choosing me to have a relationship with? Me? The me who had hated him for the last seven years. It honestly made no sense, but I couldn’t help believing that the most confusing things can turn out to be the simplest things in the world. I hoped that’s what being with Jude would be like. Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated.
“You look like you’re worrying,” Jude spoke, his voice husky and deep like his throat was dry.
“I’m not,” I said quickly.
“Come on, Tater Tot. I know you better than that.”
I stopped suddenly and he did too. He loomed upon me from his towering height. Even though I wasn’t short by most people’s standards Jude still made me feel small and dainty.
“Do you know me?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Tell me Jude, do you really know me?”
His jaw clenched painfully tight, and a muscle ticked. Something about my question had made him angry. “I know that you say your favorite color changes depending on the day and where you are, so right now I’m going to venture to guess that it’s blue,” he nodded his head towards the ocean. He was right. “I know that your eyes light up at the mention of my Pap. I know that you love that house more than you’d care to admit.” He thrust his fingers in his hair, getting heated. “I know things about you that you haven’t even told me.” I opened my mouth to protest, because what could be possibly know, but he plowed on. “I know that you want to ride one of the horses on the farm—I’ve seen the way your eyes linger on them when they’re grazing. I know you loved your brother and wanted to blame me for every bad thing to happen to you, but you also know in your heart I had nothing to do with it.” His chest heaved as he struggled to get enough air. “I know from the far off look you get in your eyes sometimes, that there’s a lot you keep inside. I know you struggle to feel accepted, to feel like you belong. I know that you never talk about your mom and dad. I know you watch me when you think I’m not looking, but Tate,” he cupped my cheek, “I’m always looking at you.”
I swallowed thickly and my body leaned into his touch. My heart raced and my palms dampened with sweat.
I felt like a frightened, cornered animal.
And then I did wh
at I did best.
I ran away.
Chapter Fifteen
Sand kicked out behind me as I ran. My feet sunk down into it making it hard to run fast, but I tried.