I knew it was wrong to blame him. He didn’t understand that those words didn’t mean the same thing to me as they did to everyone else. Anyone that had ever told me they loved me
was being deceitful. My mom. My grandparents. Everyone.
It was all a lie.
No one loved me.
I was nothing but a burden.
???
I wanted to give Ivy and Tristan a decent breakfast, but there was barely any food in the refrigerator or small pantry. I got my paycheck from the library today and I’d use it to buy some groceries—hopefully something I could use to make a decent meal out of.
“Sorry, guys,” I frowned. “Looks like it’s toast with butter for breakfast.”
“I want Frosted Flakes!” Ivy cried.
“We don’t have any,” I sighed, brushing my hair out of my eyes.
“Fine,” she grumbled, “toast is fine.” She pouted for a moment, but it didn’t last long. Unfortunately, all three of us were accustomed to not having proper meals and often going hungry. It broke my heart that I couldn’t do more. But my paycheck wasn’t large, since I spent the majority of my time at college trying to build a better life for us. No one knew, but my hope was to get a stable job, save enough money to buy a house and better car, then fight for custody of my siblings. I wouldn’t leave them in this hellhole.
I handed each of the kids a piece of toast with butter. They ate it like it was the most delicious thing to ever pass through their lips.
I checked that their backpacks had everything in them. When I was sure they weren’t missing anything, I set the bags on the table. “Ivy, you needed to brush your hair,” I said sternly.
She opened her mouth to argue but I pressed a finger against her lips. “No, Ivy.”
Rolling her eyes at me she stuffed the last of the toast in her mouth and sauntered out of the kitchen. I feared the teenage years with that one.
“Row, can you brush my teeth for me?” Tristan asked, wiping his hands on a paper napkin.
“Sure,” I ruffled his hair.
Raising Ivy and Tristan had been a lot to take on, but they were worth it. I didn’t understand how anyone could abandon their kids the way my mom had. But alcohol would always be the most important thing to her.
After I helped Tristan brush his teeth it was time to get them in the car and drive them to school. Since I was either in class or working I was never able to pick them up, but I felt it was important that I at least drive them there.
“Ooh! Ooh! Turn it up, Row! I love this song!” Ivy chanted, bouncing in the back seat.
I sighed and turned the volume up. Royals by Lorde began to play and I was tempted to plug my ears. They played that song all the time and it was annoying. Why did radio stations insist on playing the same song over and over again? I mean, really?
“And we’ll never be royals,” Ivy sang along to the song. I had to agree with the lyrics though. I didn’t see how we’d ever be anything other than lower class, no matter how hard I might be trying to get to the top.
I pulled into the school’s parking lot and circled around to the drop-off line.
“Have a good day!” I forced a cheerful tone as they got out of the car.
They said goodbye and then I was pulling away and driving across town to the university campus. It was nothing fancy, but it sufficed, and it was certainly expensive enough. I had the school loans to prove it. I was taking classes that might help me get into their nursing program. I was banking on getting accepted into it. If I didn’t—well, I’d rather not think about it.
I parked in my usual spot in the back of the parking lot. I liked the walk. It allowed me to clear my head.
“Hey!”
I turned and found myself smiling as Jude jogged towards me. I didn’t know how we’d ended up friends, but somehow we clicked. He was tall with brown eyes and light stubble dotting his jaw. His straight brown hair fell messily over his forehead in a way that was effortlessly sexy. His long-sleeved green shirt hugged his muscular chest and jeans hung dangerously low on his hips. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to Jude, but what I felt for Trent was so much more—even if I insisted on denying it.
Jude wrapped his muscular arms around my torso and spun me around.
“Put me down!” I shrieked, beating his solid chest with my mitten covered hands.