I loved the feel of Remy’s fingers running down the length of my spine as our mouths mated. He stopped short of touching my ass, but I was much too greedy for his mouth to stop long enough to tell him that he could touch me wherever he wanted. I let my hand roam down his side with the intent of divesting him of his towel, but when my fingers grazed the scar on his hip, the one he'd said had been caused by a car, I hesitated.
While Remy was one of the strongest people I'd ever met, he was also one of the most vulnerable. And all the things he’d said about it having been okay that I’d chosen my son over him didn't absolve me of my sins. The last thing on this earth I should be doing was taking advantage of the young man who’d given me so much.
I removed my hand from the scar and reached out to capture his face as I eased back from the kiss. His mouth once again tried to follow mine, but I gently gripped his chin to keep him where he was. "We should try to get some sleep," I said softly as I stroked his skin.
He had a tiny bit of stubble on his jaw. It made my unruly cock even more difficult to try to control, especially as I imagined what that stubble and his gorgeous lips would feel like around my shaft. I quickly dropped my hand and added, "We have a lot that we need to talk about tomorrow concerning Violet."
Remy's eyes were glazed over and he was breathing hard. It seemed to take him several long seconds to catch up, but when he did, he nodded his head and then pulled away from me. I lifted my body so I was no longer pinning his to the bed. But when Remy made a move to get up, I grabbed his arm. "Sleep here tonight," I insisted. "Just sleep."
He hesitated for so long that I was sure he would insist on going back to his room, but then he settled back down on the bed. He didn't say anything as he put his back to me and when I pulled him against my chest, he remained stiff. It felt like I'd lost him all over again and I knew it was because I’d pushed him too far with my physical advances. I cursed myself for not being able to control my reactions to him.
"Remy," I began to say, but then he was sitting up in bed.
"I should, um, go check on Violet. She might get scared if she wakes up alone." He sounded nervous and uncertain, so this time I let him go when he moved away from me. I might have said something along the lines of agreeing with him, but I couldn't be sure.
The only thing I was sure of as he practically ran from my room was that I'd fucked things up.
Again.
Chapter Seventeen
Remy
"You sure you're okay?" Luca asked from the other side of the bench in the back of the car for what had to be the tenth time that morning.
This time I only nodded my head instead of saying the words, "I'm fine." What was I supposed to say? That I wasn't fine, that I was a complete and utter coward? Or that I was so fucking selfish that I was putting everything on Luca that morning when it came to making decisions?
It was all I could do not to look at Violet in her car seat as I considered that, at that very moment, Luca was waiting for a call back from the child's great-aunt.
By the time I'd gotten up that morning and found the courage to face him after the disaster that had been the short encounter in his bed, he’d already had extensive background checks done on Marilyn Landry. He’d also gotten Violet out of her crib and had taken care of her morning routine, including cleaning her up and feeding her breakfast. I’d walked in on the pair sitting on the living room floor playing a game that clearly Luca had made up but that’d had Violet giggling in delight. I’d felt a brief moment of complete and utter peace as I’d watched the pair and then I’d remembered that I was losing not one but both of them.
In truth, I'd already lost Luca, even though I supposed it was hard to lose someone you’d never really had. The memory of his touch and the way he'd quickly ended our kisses made my heart hurt even now, and I found myself reaching up to touch the middle of my chest. I’d been a fool to think that Luca might want me. Especially after all the things I’d told him. Even if he could have gotten past my too skinny, scar-riddled body, he clearly wasn’t able to overlook how I'd gotten the scars… the things I'd done to deserve them.