Lucy and I had both yelled at him to wake up, but it wasn’t until he’d heard Lucy’s voice that he’d spoken again.
But just to tell her to run.
To save herself.
To leave him behind.
I shook my head as thoughts about everything the man had endured at the hands of another continued to torment me. Watching him try to hold himself up in that shower, the bruises standing out like swathes of night against his pale skin, the remnants of blood staining the backs of his thighs…I’d been moving before I could even consider what I was doing.
It would have been easy to pull him back out of that shower and just let him use a washcloth to clean off where he’d vomited on himself after being jolted from his nightmare. But I’d seen that blood and I’d wanted it gone. I couldn’t explain why…not because what had happened to him disgusted me or anything. No, it was seeing the proof of how badly he’d suffered that had kept me in that shower with him, even as my mind had rebelled at the feel of his back pressed up against my front…his hand clutching my arm where I’d held on to him.
I’d wanted to wash away that proof so that I wouldn’t ache inside for what had happened to him. So that I’d be able to think about things other than hunting down the man who’d dared to even lay a finger on him. But there was no washing away the bruises that littered his body like an artist’s canvas.
And his sobs…
His soul-crushing, defeated sobs.
The ones I’d felt everywhere.
I’d never heard that level of agony. I’d felt it myself, but I hadn’t ever given in to its need to escape my body. No, I’d used it as fuel instead. But with Ethan, I’d wanted the tormented cries gone, just like the blood and any other possible remnants his rapist had left behind as well as the fucking bruises. I’d wanted him to be free of all of it.
Though I had no idea why…
It wasn’t like I’d never been around victims before. Hell, my entire childhood had revolved around watching my mother use creative means to hide the bruises that had mottled her skin just like Ethan’s did his.
But from the second I’d wrapped my arm around Ethan’s too-thin body and told him I had him, something had happened.
And it wasn’t something good.
No, it was never good if it stayed with you…if it kept you awake at night.
If it made you start questioning things.
Weird things.
Like why jabs of electricity had fired up from my palm through my entire arm as I’d washed Ethan’s back. Like why I’d been tempted to let my hand linger on Ethan’s ass after I’d swiped my fingers through his crack, brushing his hole for just the tiniest of moments. Like why it had been so fucking hard to breathe when he’d finally given in to whatever had been holding him back from sinking into my hold, his fingers digging into my arm where he’d clutched me like I was the only thing in the world.
And like why I’d had to escape that room as soon as I’d gotten Ethan settled back in the bed.
Not because my clothes had been sopping wet, though I was more than grateful that I’d had that fact to use for cover.
No, the same thing that was currently keeping me from falling asleep had also had me rushing out of that bedroom.
I was hard.
Rock hard.
Harder than I’d ever been.
It had to be because Ethan’s body had been smoother than I’d expected it to be…that the slope of his back had been soft and gentle and that his ass had been perfectly rounded…
“Fuck,” I muttered as I stopped at the edge of the porch and stared out into the inky blackness that surrounded me. I tried to focus on the bite in the air and the cadence of the forest as it settled around the cabin, but all I could hear was the sound of Ethan’s breathing as I held him. All I could feel was the warmth of his skin…
“Jesus,” I snapped and then I was doing something I couldn’t even believe I was really doing. I stormed off the porch, not caring that I had no shoes or socks on. The snow was several inches above my ankles, but I barely registered the bitter cold hitting my skin as I hurried around the side of the cabin. I had my pants unzipped and my cock out by the time I was out of sight of the front door and I leaned heavily against the wall as I began stroking myself. The second my hand came into contact with my dick, I felt my balls draw up tight. I tried to call up any one of the women I’d been with in the past, but all I saw behind my closed eyelids were vibrant green eyes. All I felt was impossibly smooth, wet skin beneath my hand. And beneath my lips was the sweetness of Ethan’s flavor as I pressed my mouth against the softness of his shoulder.